How to keep man's attention?
Have you ever been dating someone and thought everything was going great when suddenly they stopped calling or returning your calls? Has this happened several times? Did it run through your head that there must be something wrong with you? It is one of the most frequent concerns of our clientele. Read on to find out what you can do about it.
Dear Jeannine:
I keep dating the same kind of guys, the ones who ignore me and I end up feel worthless and unattractive. I think they are different. But it is the same old story. Recently I was dating a guy. We went out a few times and everything seems great. They seem really interested in me. I really like them. We are seeing each other ever other day and the sex was great. It seems like after about a month he start becoming disinterested and short with me on the phone when I call. Then he stopped returning my phone calls and text messages. I don’t know what went wrong. I don’t know if it is something about me or something I am doing. How can I keep a man’s interest?
Sally
Sally: First of all you are half way there by identifying that there is something wrong. My guess is that it isn’t about you, but it does have something to do with how you are feeling about yourself. Those feelings are driving your behavior.
Here comes some Jeannine Tough Love:
You mention in your email that you are calling the men. Big NO NO! The men should be pursing you. The men like the chase and you are taking that away from them. For some reason, you feel the need to stay connected to the men you are dating. It might be because you feel that they will forget about you if they don’t hear from you. If the man is really interested in you, they will call. It is okay to return men’s phone calls and to show them that you are interested, but stop being the pursuer.
The message that you are sending is: I am needy. I really want to be in a “relationship” with someone who will pay a lot of attention to me.
You say that you keep dating the same type of guys. It is very possible that is true. However, it is more likely that you are creating the responses from men by your behavior. If you change your behavior, you might just discover that you are dating some good men. If not, you need to take a look at your selection process.
Take a look at why you feel the need to call and text men until they run the other way. It might be that you don’t feel like you are a good catch. You are afraid that they will become disinterested in you, so you stay connected, hoping that they will be drawn into a relationship. The opposite is true. If you make it really easy for a man, and he knows that you are really into him, the fun is gone. Part of the fun of beginning a relationship is the slight tension of not knowing exactly where the other person stands. I am not talking about being aloof and making him “work” for every piece of attention. You want him to see that you are someone interested, but they still keep you guessing.
Next, we need to address having sex early in the dating process. Your email tells me that you had sex within the first month, probably early in the month. There is nothing wrong with having sex, but here is what happens often after a man and woman sleep together:
The man is thinking, “Cool, I’m dating this interesting woman and we are having sex.”
The woman is often thinking, “We had sex, so are we in a relationship? Is he my boyfriend? What can I expect? Where is this going?” Sound familiar?
The woman’s thoughts then drive her behavior and she becomes more insecure, and in need of the man’s attention at a more intense level.
The man begins to wonder what happened to the “cool” woman he was dating. It FREAKS him out and he begins to withdraw. The more she tries to draw him in with phone calls and contact, the more he withdraws until, POOF he’s GONE!
Sally, you aren’t alone. We all develop patterns of behavior in dating and relationships. This is actually a common dating pattern. Most of us don’t take the time to examine those behaviors and the reason they exist.
Let the relationship develop slowly. Let the man take the lead. Let him call you to set up the dates, let him call you to talk, let him text message you. You return his calls and text messages, leaving him wanting more. You are a good catch. Let your actions show this. This is not game playing. If you really believe you are a good catch, you will believe that you are worth pursing. If he knows that you are totally into him, he won’t have to do any work. If he isn’t doing any work, guess who is? Unless you want to be the one holding the relationship possibility together, let him take the lead.
You don’t have to have sex early in the dating process to keep a man. If you believe that you are a good catch, he’ll wait for you. Most men will try to get you to have sex. It is just the nature of the beast. If you wait at least 10 dates or three months, which ever is longer, you give the relationship to develop at a good healthy pace.
Now, don’t have a heart attack because I said wait a few months to have sex. The choice is yours to make. But if what you are doing isn’t working, and you are still single, you might want to give this a try.
Source: Dating Coach
Dear Jeannine:
I keep dating the same kind of guys, the ones who ignore me and I end up feel worthless and unattractive. I think they are different. But it is the same old story. Recently I was dating a guy. We went out a few times and everything seems great. They seem really interested in me. I really like them. We are seeing each other ever other day and the sex was great. It seems like after about a month he start becoming disinterested and short with me on the phone when I call. Then he stopped returning my phone calls and text messages. I don’t know what went wrong. I don’t know if it is something about me or something I am doing. How can I keep a man’s interest?
Sally
Sally: First of all you are half way there by identifying that there is something wrong. My guess is that it isn’t about you, but it does have something to do with how you are feeling about yourself. Those feelings are driving your behavior.
Here comes some Jeannine Tough Love:
You mention in your email that you are calling the men. Big NO NO! The men should be pursing you. The men like the chase and you are taking that away from them. For some reason, you feel the need to stay connected to the men you are dating. It might be because you feel that they will forget about you if they don’t hear from you. If the man is really interested in you, they will call. It is okay to return men’s phone calls and to show them that you are interested, but stop being the pursuer.
The message that you are sending is: I am needy. I really want to be in a “relationship” with someone who will pay a lot of attention to me.
You say that you keep dating the same type of guys. It is very possible that is true. However, it is more likely that you are creating the responses from men by your behavior. If you change your behavior, you might just discover that you are dating some good men. If not, you need to take a look at your selection process.
Take a look at why you feel the need to call and text men until they run the other way. It might be that you don’t feel like you are a good catch. You are afraid that they will become disinterested in you, so you stay connected, hoping that they will be drawn into a relationship. The opposite is true. If you make it really easy for a man, and he knows that you are really into him, the fun is gone. Part of the fun of beginning a relationship is the slight tension of not knowing exactly where the other person stands. I am not talking about being aloof and making him “work” for every piece of attention. You want him to see that you are someone interested, but they still keep you guessing.
Next, we need to address having sex early in the dating process. Your email tells me that you had sex within the first month, probably early in the month. There is nothing wrong with having sex, but here is what happens often after a man and woman sleep together:
The man is thinking, “Cool, I’m dating this interesting woman and we are having sex.”
The woman is often thinking, “We had sex, so are we in a relationship? Is he my boyfriend? What can I expect? Where is this going?” Sound familiar?
The woman’s thoughts then drive her behavior and she becomes more insecure, and in need of the man’s attention at a more intense level.
The man begins to wonder what happened to the “cool” woman he was dating. It FREAKS him out and he begins to withdraw. The more she tries to draw him in with phone calls and contact, the more he withdraws until, POOF he’s GONE!
Sally, you aren’t alone. We all develop patterns of behavior in dating and relationships. This is actually a common dating pattern. Most of us don’t take the time to examine those behaviors and the reason they exist.
Let the relationship develop slowly. Let the man take the lead. Let him call you to set up the dates, let him call you to talk, let him text message you. You return his calls and text messages, leaving him wanting more. You are a good catch. Let your actions show this. This is not game playing. If you really believe you are a good catch, you will believe that you are worth pursing. If he knows that you are totally into him, he won’t have to do any work. If he isn’t doing any work, guess who is? Unless you want to be the one holding the relationship possibility together, let him take the lead.
You don’t have to have sex early in the dating process to keep a man. If you believe that you are a good catch, he’ll wait for you. Most men will try to get you to have sex. It is just the nature of the beast. If you wait at least 10 dates or three months, which ever is longer, you give the relationship to develop at a good healthy pace.
Now, don’t have a heart attack because I said wait a few months to have sex. The choice is yours to make. But if what you are doing isn’t working, and you are still single, you might want to give this a try.
Source: Dating Coach
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