Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

Continuing my tryst with capturing the life and times of Nandan Nilekani in his new avatar as a Cabinet Minister, here is what he had penned after his first day in the Parliament. The last entry stopped when the House was just about to begin. Let's see what happened thereafter.... The House was in pin drop silence. I was brimming with anticipation and excitement!!!! Manmohan had informed me that my introduction was one of the important points of the agenda. I hoped that I will be able to make my speech properly. After so many interviews and conferences, I was nervous today!!!! After the Speaker indicated that the proceedings of the House could begin, Manmohan formally introduced me to the entire House. He mentioned that as the head of the Unique Identification Authority of India, I was responsible to ensure that each and every Indian had a digital smart card as a proof of his existence. Manmohan spoke about why I was selected and also some references to the various projects execute

You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this! It is from an orthopaedic surgeon. This will confuse your mind and you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It is pre-programmed in your brain! While sitting in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.  Does it !!!

Rutali married Hitesh this day. At the end of the wedding party, Rutali's mother gave her a  newly opened bank saving passbook with Rs.1000 deposit amount. Mother: 'Rutali, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriagelife. When there's something happy and memorable happened in your newlife, put some money in. Write down what it's about next to the line. The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in. I've done the first one for you today. Do the others with Hitesh.When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.' Rutali shared this with Hitesh when getting home. They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can bemade. This was what they did after certain time: - 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage - 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Rutali - 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali - 15 Apr: Rs..2000, Rutali got pregnant - 1 Jun: Rs.100

A Pakistani, a Bangladeshi and a Sardarji are sitting at a Pub in Bavaria drinking beer. The Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says 'In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice.' The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces... He says 'In Dhaka we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.' OUR Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi. He says   'In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice'. No offense.

Boy – Can I take your photo? Girl – For what? Boy – So that I can show God what I want.

Many years ago in a small Indian village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender.   The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful daughter. So he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag. 1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven. 2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven. 3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail. They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As they talked, the moneylen

This is a good story and is true, please read it all the way through until the end! (After the story, there are some very interesting facts!): I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree.    The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called, 'Smile.' The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway. So, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally. Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did. I did not m

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed. The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.   He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was fa

I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There is one girl who I love a lot but never dared to go after. She didn't have a pretty face, good figure or an outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl. I liked her. I really liked her. I liked her innocence, her frankness, her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her was that I felt somebody so ordinary like her was not a good match for me. I was also afraid that after we were together all the feelings would vanish. I was also afraid other's gossip would hurt her.   I felt that if she were my girl, she'd be mine ultimately & I didn't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompanying me for 3 years. She watched me chase other girls, and I  have made her heart cry for 3 years.   She was a good actor, and me a demanding director. When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled & said, "Go on!" before running of

A teenager lived alone with his father, and the two of them had a very special relationship. The father believed in encouragement. This young man was the smallest of the class when he entered high school. His father continued to encourage him but also made it very clear that he did not have to play football if he didn't want to. But the young man loved football and decided to hang in there. He was determined to try his best at every practice, and perhaps he'd get to play when he became a senior. Even though the son was always on the bench, his father was always in the stands cheering. He never missed a game. All through high school he never missed neither a practice nor a game, but remained a bench warmer all four years. His faithful father was always in the stands, always with words of encouragement for him. When the young man went to college, he decided to try out for the football team as a "walk-on." Everyone was sure he could never make the cut, but he did. The co

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy  was the apple of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for work so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle and fascinated by its color, drank it all. It happened to be a  poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face  her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just four words. The husband just said "I Love You Darling" The husband's totally unexpected reaction is proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There

"Lets go for a walk", said Rahul. "Yippee. Lets go", said Swetha, almost jumping out of her seat. It was yet another boring day in the Mysore training institute. Dusk was breaking in. Swetha had already taken two breaks since lunch. Nevertheless, she had been anticipating Rahul's invitation for another break. Rahul and Swetha had known each other for the last couple of months. They had been together since the training days. People knew them as the best of friends. Rahul, the regular T-D-H type, who spoke with a heavy Bengali accent, was a popular flirt in the DC. On the other hand, Swetha was a chubby sweet little girl, who was always on the lookout for sorrow souls. They enjoyed being in each other's company. Swetha would disclose all his crushes to Rahul, and Rahul would always be seen taking classes from Swetha, on how to impress a girl in 24 hours. Rahul had helped Swetha to forget her 7-year-old single lane relationship and Swetha would see to it that R

Number 10 The waiting game You called her and, although you usually don't do this (or at least you shouldn't), you left a message for her to call you back. Hours or even days may pass before she returns your call. She's biding her time because she doesn't want to look too eager or too interested. Although she's interested in you, she doesn't want to risk chasing you away by appearing clingy. What you should do: After a few days, you could call back to make sure she received the message, but after this point, it's up to her to follow up. If she doesn't, take the hint. Number 9 The bait game The "I think I look fat in these pants... do you?" scenario is a tricky situation. Asking for your opinion is important to her; she wants to make sure that you find her desirable. But by framing the question as an effort to validate her own opinion, she's baiting you into jamming your foot into your mouth. What you should do: Don't take the bait. Look

1. Make her feel secure, don’t threaten her with divorce. 2. Give sincere Salaams. 3. Treat her gently, like a fragile vessel. 4. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere. 5. Be generous with her. 6. Warm the seat for her, you will warm her heart. 7. Avoid anger, be in Wudhu at all times. 8. Look good and smell great for your wife. 9. Don’t be rigid or harsh-hearted or you will be broken. 10. Be a good listener. 11. Yes for flattery. No for arguing. 12. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, and names she loves to hear. 13. A pleasant surprise. 14. Preserve and guard the tongue. 15. Expect, accept, and overlook her shortcomings. 16. Give sincere compliments. 17. Encourage her to keep good relations with her family. 18. Speak of the topic of her interest. 19. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is. 20. Give each other gifts. 21. Get rid of routine, surprise her. 22. Have a good opinion of each other. 23. Have good manners, overlook small t

1. Make a grammatically correct sentence by using the  verb "IS" immediately after the word "I" 2. I am having two coins of Indian currency in my pocket, the total value of which comes to 75 paisa. But mind you, one of the coins is not a fifty paisa coin. How it is possible? 3. What is taken from you before it is given to you? 4. Eventhough it belongs to you, usually others use it, What?   FOR ANSWERS, SCROLL DOWN.   1. "I" is a pronoun. or "I" is the 9th letter of the English Alphabet. 2. I said "ONE" of the coins, not "NONE". So they are 50 and 25 paisa coins. J 3. Your Photo 4. Your Name.

In March 1992, a man living in Newtown near Boston, Massachusetts, received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away. In April, he received another bill in a similar fashion and hence he threw that one away too. The following month, the credit card company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his card if he didn't send them $0.00 by return of post. He called them and talked to them; they said it was a computer error and told him they'd take care of it. The following month, our hero decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome credit card figuring that if there were purchases on his account it would put an end to his ridiculous predicament. However, in the first store that he produced his credit card in payment for his purchases, he found that his card had been cancelled. He called the credit card company who apologized for the computer error once again and said that they woul

One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window. - Sydney One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn - Japan One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on Accelerator. .. - Boston Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror - New York Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat - Italy One hand on horn, One hand on holding gear, One ear listening to loud music, One ear on cell phone, One foot on accelerator, One foot on clutch, Nothing on break, Eyes on females in next car ,"THIS IS #@#$!@$$%" (You guessed right)

A Company decides to adopt Fridays as Casual Day and they issued a Memo to all department intimating the same. Week 1 Memo 1: Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice. Week 3 Memo 2: Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Week 6 Memo 3: Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. Week 8 Memo 4: A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory. Week 9 Memo No. 5: As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress. Week 14 Memo 6: The Casual Day Task Force has distributed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards." A copy has been distributed to every employee. Week 18 Memo 7: Company is providing psychological counseling for em

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists: Two men and one woman.. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.' The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her hus

No prices for guessing who won at last. Nice one... Akash was waiting for his love. "30 minutes late!!", his brain shouted at him, "Last time you were 5 mins late and she had literally gobbled u up, remember?" "Yeah yeah", he said to his brain, "You know her. All moody and stuff. Oh there she is." "Scold her, OK?", his brain adviced. "OK I will try" Sweet Sheetal comes with the cutest smile and says "I'm sorry honey. I was shopping for shoes and totally forgot about you." "What if you had said that line buddy?", shouted his brain, "she would have had a nervous breakdown." Akash ignored his brain. "Its OK honey. It is only half an hour. No problem." She smiled once again, held his hand and asked "Hope you remember what occasion is today." "OMG!!!", thought Akash. "Brain ... search database for reminders, anniversaries, silly anniversaries, birthdays and birthd

One day, the Pope is visiting America and driving around Washington in his limo when he gets an idea. "Driver? Can I drive for a while?" "Sure," says the driver. How can you say no to the Pope? So the Pope takes the wheel and starts driving like a maniac all around Washington -- dodging in and out of traffic, going eighty, cutting people off. Soon, a cop pulls him over. But when the Pope rolls down the window, the cop stops dead in his tracks, and goes back to the car. "We got somebody really important here," he says to his partner. "Who is it? Is it a senator?" "No. More important." "The president?" "No. More important." "An ambassador? Who?" "I don't know. But the Pope is his driver."

The year was 1902 when the Professor questioned his student whether it was God who created everything that exists in the universe? Student replied: "Yes." Professor questioned again: "What about evil? Has God created evil also?" Student was silent. Then student requested whether he may ask a question? Professor allowed him to do so. Student asked: "Does cold exists?" Professor replied: "Yes; don’t you feel the cold, dear?" Student said: "You are wrong, Sir; cold is the complete absence of heat." Student asked again: "Does darkness exists?" Professor answered" "Yes." Student replied: "You are again wrong; there is no such thing like darkness; its actually the absence of light. We can study light and heat but not darkness and cold. Similarly, the evil does not exist. Actually, it is the absence of love, faith and true belief in God." The student was Albert Einstein.

This is a true story that happened in Japan. In order to renovate the house, someone in Japan breaks open the wall. Japanese houses normally have a hollow space between the wooden walls. When tearing down the walls, he found that there was a lizard stuck there because a nail from outside hammered into one of its feet. He sees this, feels pity, and at the same time curious, as when he checked the nail, it was nailed 10 years ago when the house was first built. What happened? The lizard has survived in such position for 10 years! In a dark wall partition for 10 years without moving, it is impossible and mind-blowing. Then he wondered how this lizard survived for 10 years. Without moving a single step since its foot was nailed! So he stopped his work and observed the lizard, what it has been doing, and what and how it has been eating. Later, not knowing from where it came appears another lizard, with food in its mouth. Ah! He was stunned and touched deeply. For the lizard that was stuck b