Men:
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leave them.
7. Although the women leave them they still don't learn from their Mistakes and still try their luck with others.
Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive Clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress Beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just “An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still Expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you.
Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things
The best place to find good stories, great quotes and many such interesting things is your e-mail inbox. Here I am opening the good things of my inbox for you. Read enjoy and visit www.mandarthosar.com to send your feedback about this blog.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Do you know shit?
A congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming, universal health care, or stimulus packages?" as he smiled
smugly.
"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet, a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you don't know shit?" She went back to reading her book, and the congressman had nothing else to say the rest of the flight.
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming, universal health care, or stimulus packages?" as he smiled
smugly.
"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet, a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you don't know shit?" She went back to reading her book, and the congressman had nothing else to say the rest of the flight.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Newage Drug
All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen.
Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.
After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.
Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research.
This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen.
Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.
After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.
Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research.
This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
So far lucky Eric
One day they decide that they want to get married,
so Eric goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Eric bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love
and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing,
Mr. Smith replies,
"Well Eric, you are only 10.. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it,
Eric replies,
"In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine
and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable,
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,
"Okay, then how will you live?
You're not old enough to get a job.
You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Eric instantly replies, "Our allowance,
Jenny makes five bucks a week
and I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month,
so that should do us just fine."
Mr. Smith is impressed
Eric has put so much thought into this.
"Well Eric,
it seems like you have everything figured out.
I just have one more question.
What will you do if the two of you should have
little children of your own?"
Eric just shrugs his shoulders and says,
"Well, we've been lucky so far."
so Eric goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Eric bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love
and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing,
Mr. Smith replies,
"Well Eric, you are only 10.. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it,
Eric replies,
"In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine
and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable,
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,
"Okay, then how will you live?
You're not old enough to get a job.
You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Eric instantly replies, "Our allowance,
Jenny makes five bucks a week
and I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month,
so that should do us just fine."
Mr. Smith is impressed
Eric has put so much thought into this.
"Well Eric,
it seems like you have everything figured out.
I just have one more question.
What will you do if the two of you should have
little children of your own?"
Eric just shrugs his shoulders and says,
"Well, we've been lucky so far."
The Unused Thing
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'
'Of course, child. What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'
'Of course, child. What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'
Friday, April 1, 2011
A bronze rat
An Indian tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotic, he notices a very lifelike, Life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, But is so striking he decides he must have it.
He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the Story,"says the owner.
The tourist gives the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."
As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, He notices that a few real rats crawl out of the alleys and sewers and begin following him down the street. This is disconcerting; he begins walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind Him grows to hundreds, and they begin squealing.
He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and are still Squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay and throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay After it, and are all drowned. The man walks back to the curio shop.
"Ah ha," says the owner, "You have come back for the Story?"
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
"No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a statue of an Indian politician in bronze!!
Source: Email.
He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the Story,"says the owner.
The tourist gives the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."
As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, He notices that a few real rats crawl out of the alleys and sewers and begin following him down the street. This is disconcerting; he begins walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind Him grows to hundreds, and they begin squealing.
He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and are still Squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay and throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay After it, and are all drowned. The man walks back to the curio shop.
"Ah ha," says the owner, "You have come back for the Story?"
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
"No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a statue of an Indian politician in bronze!!
Source: Email.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
7 Lessons That Can Change Your Life - Mark Twain
In 1871, Mark Twain was born as Samuel Langhorne Clemens in Florida, Missouri, U.S. He was a writer, and lecturer. He was called the “greatest American humorist of his age.” He wrote the now classic novels, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.
He wrote some great stuff that is still read by millions today. He also had some great quotes that continue to live on because of the wisdom in them. Mark Twain was a funny, witty, and wise guy. I hope the below quotes will astonish, enlighten, and amuse you.
1. "I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened."
We walk around all our lives thinking about things that will never happen. We worry, dread, and fear what hasn’t happened and what probably never will.
Our minds are out of control. Our heads are filled with negative thoughts that have no bearing in reality, even if we think they do.
Eliminating bad thoughts is possible, through methods such as EFT and The Work. It’s not easy, but worth it.
2. “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
We want safety. We want to be secure, but the best life experiences come when we drop those notions and go after what we truly want, whether it feels safe or not.
I’ve battled with this myself, and I often stop myself from doing things because it feels unsafe. I worry too much about the future.
In reality, we can’t know what the future will bring. Even if you have millions in the bank, you may lose it tomorrow. Not even the wealthiest on this planet are secure.
3. “When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.”
Imagine that something negative happened to you. Maybe someone said something to you that you thought was wrong.
How often do you replay what happened over and over and over again when it’s all over?
We disrespect ourselves by replaying bad thoughts in our mind, which leads to feeling bad, and treating everyone (including ourselves) around us badly.
4. “The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”
Going after your dreams can feel like an overwhelming task, but that’s because you’re trying to visualize something in your head that cannot be visualized.
Mark Twain is right on in breaking things into small pieces. It works because you can hold an image in your head of what the end result looks like. Instead of thinking “I need to start an online business,” a better thought would be “I need to start a blog.”
That is, if you want to go down that route. Break things down, and simplify!
5. “When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.”
A good and funny quote, but to me it sends the message to not make decisions when you’re angry. People are foolish when they are angry. They snap at others and only create more trouble in their life. Next time you’re angry, either use methods such as The Work or EFT, like I mentioned above, or just count to four, or better yet, ten.
Calm down, and sleep on your decision.
6. “Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.”
Have you ever felt like you deserved something, but didn’t get it? I know I certainly have. That thought does us no good, even if we think we did deserve whatever it is that we didn’t get. It keeps you stuck instead of moving forward. So what if things didn’t go perfectly? You adjust and you keep on going.
Who knows, maybe that setback wasn’t a setback after all. The negative events in my life have a tendency to blossom into positive ones.
7. “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.”
Successful people aren’t fearless; no one is. It’s easy to believe that if you got rid of your fears, everything would be fine, but that’s just an excuse for not getting started. You will always have a smidgen of fear when diving into the unknown. Don’t let it stop you; instead use it as fuel to keep going.
Source: http://www.dumblittleman.com/2011/03/7-life-changing-lessons-you-can-learn.html
He wrote some great stuff that is still read by millions today. He also had some great quotes that continue to live on because of the wisdom in them. Mark Twain was a funny, witty, and wise guy. I hope the below quotes will astonish, enlighten, and amuse you.
1. "I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened."
We walk around all our lives thinking about things that will never happen. We worry, dread, and fear what hasn’t happened and what probably never will.
Our minds are out of control. Our heads are filled with negative thoughts that have no bearing in reality, even if we think they do.
Eliminating bad thoughts is possible, through methods such as EFT and The Work. It’s not easy, but worth it.
2. “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
We want safety. We want to be secure, but the best life experiences come when we drop those notions and go after what we truly want, whether it feels safe or not.
I’ve battled with this myself, and I often stop myself from doing things because it feels unsafe. I worry too much about the future.
In reality, we can’t know what the future will bring. Even if you have millions in the bank, you may lose it tomorrow. Not even the wealthiest on this planet are secure.
3. “When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.”
Imagine that something negative happened to you. Maybe someone said something to you that you thought was wrong.
How often do you replay what happened over and over and over again when it’s all over?
We disrespect ourselves by replaying bad thoughts in our mind, which leads to feeling bad, and treating everyone (including ourselves) around us badly.
4. “The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”
Going after your dreams can feel like an overwhelming task, but that’s because you’re trying to visualize something in your head that cannot be visualized.
Mark Twain is right on in breaking things into small pieces. It works because you can hold an image in your head of what the end result looks like. Instead of thinking “I need to start an online business,” a better thought would be “I need to start a blog.”
That is, if you want to go down that route. Break things down, and simplify!
5. “When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.”
A good and funny quote, but to me it sends the message to not make decisions when you’re angry. People are foolish when they are angry. They snap at others and only create more trouble in their life. Next time you’re angry, either use methods such as The Work or EFT, like I mentioned above, or just count to four, or better yet, ten.
Calm down, and sleep on your decision.
6. “Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.”
Have you ever felt like you deserved something, but didn’t get it? I know I certainly have. That thought does us no good, even if we think we did deserve whatever it is that we didn’t get. It keeps you stuck instead of moving forward. So what if things didn’t go perfectly? You adjust and you keep on going.
Who knows, maybe that setback wasn’t a setback after all. The negative events in my life have a tendency to blossom into positive ones.
7. “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.”
Successful people aren’t fearless; no one is. It’s easy to believe that if you got rid of your fears, everything would be fine, but that’s just an excuse for not getting started. You will always have a smidgen of fear when diving into the unknown. Don’t let it stop you; instead use it as fuel to keep going.
Source: http://www.dumblittleman.com/2011/03/7-life-changing-lessons-you-can-learn.html
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