Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

Here are few selected best out of office response mails. 1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood. 2. You are receiving this automatic notification, because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all. 3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team. 4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. 5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message. 6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you

मैं खुशी खुशी में सड़क पर अपने कुछ दोस्तों के साथ पटाखे फोड़ने लगा .. अभी एक पटाखे में बत्ती छिल कर चिंगारी लगाई ही थी की सामने से एक आंटी आती दिखी .. मैं और में दोस्त हम सब चिल्लाने लगे ... आंटी पटाखा है .... . . आंटी पटाखा है .. . . आंटी पटाखा है ... . . . आंटी मुस्कराई और बोली, "नही रे पगलो , अब पहले जैसी बात कहाँ"

एक औरत अपनी जीभ पर कुमकुम चावल लगा रही थी। पति-ये क्या कर रही हो? पत्नी-आज परशुराम जयंती है, शस्त्र पूजन कर रही हूं

कृपया... आपके 'GF/BF' के द्वारा दिए गए और आपके द्वारा छुपाये गए 'फोटो, प्रेमपत्र, उपहार' या अन्य कोई 'चीज' याद से निकल लें, अन्यथा.. घर की साफ सफाई करते समय यह आपके 'माँ, पिता या पत्नी' को मिल सकता है और इस अवस्था में आपके घर में दिवाली से पहले ही 'पटाखे' फूट सकते हैँ..!! सूचना जनहित मेँ जारी || धन्यवाद् ||

If a man is allowed to select a girl from 100 girls . and even if he picks the most beautiful girl, . . he still FEELS the PAIN of losing the remaining NINETY NINE... . . . and Women says... men don't have FEELINGS..   -----------@@@@@@----------- Baith kar mehbuba ki Baho me Aisa JosH Aaya.. . . Wah! Wah! Wah!! Wah!! . . Baith kar mehbuba ki Baho me Aisa JosH Aaya... Phirrrrr...? Phir kya.! Biwi Ne Dekh Liya aur ICU Me Hosh Aaya.. -----------@@@@@@----------- Wife = Where R u.? Husband = I'm At "Bank" . Wife  = Wow thats good  I need 20,000  For new  Cell Phone  ,5,000  for new dress , 6000 for new shoes, 4000 for new purse, 8000 for my new cosmetics Husband  Sorry , I mean I am at Blood bank "KHOON PIYEGI KHOON ?"🍷🍷🍷 🍷                  -----------@@@@@@----------- Jagjit Singh singing- Yeh daulat b lelo, yeh shohrat bhi lelo.. ..Suddenly Santa stands up& says- Main toh bahut pareshan hun,meri toh

Original Story: The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away. Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. Indian Version: The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Arundhati Roy st

A 50- something year old white woman arrived at her seat on a crowded flight and immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to a black man. Disgusted, the woman immediately summoned the flight attendant and demanded a new seat. The woman said "I cannot sit here next to this black man." The fight attendant said "Let me see if I can find another seat." After checking, the flight attendant returned and stated "Ma'am, there are no more seats in economy, but I will check with the captain and see if there is something in first class." About 10 minutes went by and the flight attendant returned and stated "The captain has confirmed that there are no more seats in economy, but there is one in first class. It is our company policy to never move a person from economy to first class, but being that it would be some sort of scandal to force a person to sit next to an UNPLEASANT person, the captain agreed to make the switch to first class."

A farmer had only one horse. One day, his horse ran away. All the neighbors came by saying, “I'm so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said, “We'll see.” A few days later, his horse came back with twenty wild horses. The man and his son corraled all 21 horses. All the neighbors came by saying, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!” The man just said, “We'll see.” One of the wild horses kicked the man's only son, breaking both his legs. All the neighbors came by saying, “I'm so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said, “We'll see.” The country went to war, and every able-bodied young man was drafted to fight. The war was terrible and killed every young man, but the farmer's son was spared, since his broken legs prevented him from being drafted. All the neighbors came by saying, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!” The man just said

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi-million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed. He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases. On the 2nd day she had to movers come and collect her things. On the 3rd day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished she went into each and every room and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly the house began to smell. They tried everything cle

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn’t already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned round to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, “Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I’m eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?” I laughed and enthusiastically responded, “Of course you may!” and she gave me a giant squeeze. “Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?” I asked. She jokingly replied, “I’m here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids…” “No seriously,” I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. “I always dreamed of having a college education and now I’m getting one!” she told me. After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three month

The Professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see & asked the students “How much do you think this glass weighs?" '50gms!'..... '100gms!' .....'125gms' ...the students answered. "I really don't know unless I weigh it," said the professor, "but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?" 'Nothing' …..the students said. 'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked. 'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the student "You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?" "Your arm could go numb; you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to hospital for sure!" Ventured another student & all the students laughed "Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?" Asked th

A Hindu saint who was visiting river Ganges to have a bath found a group of family members on the banks, shouting at each other. He turned to his disciples, smiled and asked,'Why do people shout at each other?' The disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout.' 'But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.' said the saint. The disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples. Finally the saint explained. 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts are very distant. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance. What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, because their hearts are very close. The distance betwe

This is great. Take a moment to read it; it will make your day! The ending will surprise you.... A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art.. When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son. About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands.. He said, 'Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly... He often talked about you, and your love for art.' The young man held out this package. 'I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great