220 Great Cricket Quotes of all time
HUMOR — Barney Corkhill's Great Quotes series moves on from baseball to cricket. In this series I look at a selection of the very best quotes to ever grace various sports.
The quotes aren't just from players, coaches and commentators, but anyone who has ever said a good quote to do with the chosen sport! Some are intentional, some aren't, I'll leave you to make your own mind up!
So, without further adieu, lets look at the first 20 great quotes from Cricket! Enjoy!
"A very small crowd here today. I can count the people on one hand. Can't be more than 30" - Michael Abrahamson
"Strangely, in slow motion, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer" - David Acfield
"Like an elephant trying to do the pole vault" - Jonathan Agnew as heavyweight Pakistan captain Inzamam-Ul-Haq falls over his own stumps
"Botham just couldn't quite get his leg over" - Jonathan Agnew as Ian Botham tries in vain to lift his leg over his stumps when off balance
"I've never got to the bottom of streaking" - Jonathan Agnew
"What we have here is a clear case of Mann's inhumanity to Mann" - John Arlott commenting on South African bowler "Tufty" Mann causing England batsman George Mann problems
"Like an old lady poking with her umbrella at a wasp's nest" - John Arlott on the batting of Australian Ernie Toshack
"A stroke of a man knocking a thistle top with a walking stick" - John Arlott on a Clive Lloyd four
"The umpire signals a bye with the air of a weary stalk" - John Arlott
"Bill Frindall has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator" - John Arlott
"He played a cut so late as to be positively posthumous" - John Arlott
"[Ray Jennings] was to orthodoxy what King Herod was to child-minding" - Mike Atherton on the South African coach
"It looks more suitable for growing carrots" - Andy Atkinson, ICC grounds inspector, on Bermuda's new pitch
"Tufnell! Can I borrow your brain? I'm building an idiot" - Australian fan to England spinner Phil Tufnell
"Leaving out Dennis Lillee against England would be as unthinkable as the Huns dropping Attila" - Australian TV commentator
"Well, Andrew Strauss is certainly an optimist—he's come out wearing sunblock" - Australian commentator in the fifth test of the 5-0 series whitewash in 2006-07
"The first time you face up to a googly you're going to be in trouble if you've never faced one before" - Trevor Bailey
"The Port Elizabeth ground is more of a circle than an oval. It is long and square" - Trevor Bailey
"There are good one-day players, there are good Test players and vice versa" - Trevor Bailey
"On the first day Logie decided to chance his arm and it came off" - Trevor Bailey
"I don't think he expected it, and that's what caught him unawares" - Trevor Bailey
"We owe some gratitude to Gatting and Lamb, who breathed some life into a corpse which had nearly expired" - Trevor Bailey
"No captain with all the hindsight in the world can predict how the wicket is going to play" - Trevor Bailey
"This series has been swings and pendulums all the way through" - Trevor Bailey
"Lloyd did what he achieved with that shot" - Trevor Bailey
"I bowl so slowly that if I don't like a ball I can run after it and bring it back" - J.M. Barrie
"England trained and grass grew at the MCG yesterday, two activities virtually indistinguishable from each other in tempo" - Greg Baum
"It was an excellent performance in the field marred only when Harris dropped Crapp in the outfield" - BBC Commentator on a missed chance off batsman Jack Crapp
"The hallmark of a great captain is the ability to win the toss at the right time" - Richie Benaud
"He's not quite got hold of that one. If he had, it would have gone for nine" - Richie Benaud on a Justin Langer six
"Gatting at fine leg - that's a contradiction in terms" - Richie Benaud
"Laird has been brought in to stand in the corner of the circle" - Richie Benaud
"He's usually a good puller - but he couldn't get it up that time" - Richie Benaud
"His throw went absolutely nowhere near where it was going" - Richie Benaud
"I think the batsman's strategy will be to make runs and not get out" - Richie Benaud
"This shirt is unique: there are only 200 of them" - Richie Benaud
"There were congratulations and high sixes all round" - Richie Benaud
"That slow-motion replay doesn't show how fast the ball was travelling" - Richie Benaud
"How can you tell your wife you are just popping out to play a match and then not come back for five days?" - Rafa Benitez struggling to come to terms with Test cricket
"England's pace bowlers are making the helmet go out of fashion" - Scyld Berry
"In the rear, the small diminutive figure of Shoaib Mohammed, who can't be much taller than he is" - Henry Blofeld
"It's a catch he would have caught 99 times times out of 1,000" - Henry Blofeld
"If the tension here was a block of Cheddar cheese, you could cut it with a knife" - Henry Blofeld
"Flintoff starts in, his shadow beside him. Where else would it be?" - Henry Blofeld
"I don't think I've actually drunk a beer for 15 years, except a few Guinnesses in Dublin, where it's the law" - Ian Botham
"I'd rather face Dennis Lillee with a stick of rhubarb than go through that again" - Ian Botham after being cleared of assault charges
"I don't ask my wife to face Michael Holding, so there's no reason why I should be changing nappies" - Ian Botham
"It couldn't have been Gatt. Anything he takes up to his room after nine o'clock, he eats" - Ian Botham on the Mike Gatting barmaid scandal
"This can only help England's cause" - Ian Botham on hearing that Geoffrey Boycott is to coach the Pakistan batsmen before their 2001 tour of England
"A few years ago England would have struggled to beat the Eskimos" - Ian Botham, 2005
"If I'd done a quarter of the things of which I'm accused, I'd be pickled in alcohol, I'd be a registered drug addict and would have sired half the children in the world's cricket-playing countries" - Ian Botham
"After their 60 overs, West Indies have scored 244 for 7, all out" - Frank Bough
"Life without sports is like life without underpants" - Billy Bowden
"Get a single down the other end and watch someone else play him" - Geoffrey Boycott, asked how best to handle Glenn McGrath
"I reckon my mum could have caught that in her pinny!" - Geoffrey Boycott on a dropped catch
"He could have caught that between the cheeks of his backside" - Geoffrey Boycott on another dropped catch
"I feel so bad about mine now I'm going to tie it around the cat" - Geoffrey Boycott, dismayed at the award of an MBE to Paul Collingwood for scoring 17 runs in the 2005 Ashes series
"I'm glad two sides of the cherry have been put forward" - Geoffrey Boycott
"Richie Benaud simply says 'out' with the grisly finality of the hangman" - Tony Brace
"Merv Hughes always appeared to be wearing a tumble-dried ferret on his top lip" - Rick Broadbent
"Too high?! If the ball had hit his head it would have hit the bloody wickets!" - Alan Brown, denied an LBW appeal against 5ft 3in Harry Pilling
"We had one or two disagreements but once he realised that he was wrong and I was right we moved on" - Surrey coach Alan Butcher on working with son Mark
"I am more inclined to believe that the Pope is guilty of multiple bigamy than to believe Hansie [Cronje] is guilty of being involved in bribery and corruption" - Caller to a South African radio show
"I once delivered a simple ball, which I was told, had it gone far enough, would have been considered a wide" - Lewis Carroll
"I can't really say I'm batting badly. I'm not batting long enough to be batting badly" - Greg Chappell
"The other advantage England have got when Phil Tufnell is bowling is that he isn't fielding" - Ian Chappell
"In my day 58 beers between London and Sydney would have virtually classified you as a teetotaller" - Ian Chappell, after batsman David Boon drank 58 cans of beer on the flight from Australia to England
"It's tough for a natural hooker to give it up" - Ian Chappell
"Three bad days does not mean you're a bad team overnight" - Paul Collingwood
David Gower: "Do you want Gatt [Mike Gatting] a foot wider?"
Chris Cowdrey: "No, he'd burst!"
"The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests—absolutely round" - Tony Cozier
"Now Botham, with a chance to put everything that's gone before behind him" - Tony Cozier
"Angus Fraser's bowling is like shooting down F-16 aeroplanes with sling shots. Even if they hit, no damage would be done. Like an old horse, he should be put out to pasture" - Colin Croft
"The ball came back, literally cutting Graham Thorpe in half" - Colin Croft
"Who could forget Malcolm Devon?" - Ted Dexter, completely forgetting Devon Malcolm
"Oh God! If there be cricket in heaven, let there also be rain" - Alec Douglas-Home*
"I can't bat, can't bowl and can't field these days. I've every chance of being picked for England" - Ray East
"It's difficult being more laid back than David Gower without actually being comatose" - Frances Edmonds
"Ian Botham is in no way inhibited by a capacity to over-intellectualise" - Frances Edmonds
"He's got a reputation for being awkward and arrogant, probably because he is awkward and arrogant" - Frances Edmonds on husband Phil
"Derek Randall bats like an octopus with piles" - Matthew Engel
"Waugh! What is he good for? Absolutely nothing!" - England fans' song during the 1993 Ashes series
"It means I can drive a flock of sheep through the town centre, drink for free in no less than 64 pubs and get a lift home with the police when I become inebriated. What more could you want?" - Andrew Flintoff
"I'm completely different from Pietersen. He would turn up to the opening of an envelope" - Andrew Flintoff
"It's far more daunting than bowling to Ricky Ponting or facing Shane Warne" - Andrew Flintoff on news that he was to duet with Elton John
"I'm ugly, I'm overweight, but I'm happy" - Andrew Flintoff
"In the past five weeks I've trained hard, trying to get my ankle back to where I want it to be" - Andrew Flintoff
"Lady, if I were built in proportion I'd be eight foot ten!" - Joel Garner
Interviewer: "Do you feel that the selectors and yourself have been vindicated by the result?"
Mike Gatting: "I don't think the press are vindictive. They can write what they want"
"Srikkanth is a vegetarian. If he swallows a fly, he will be in trouble" - Sunil Gavaskar
"Glenn McGrath joins Craig McDermott and Paul Reiffel in a three-ponged prace attack" - Tim Gavel
"This is Cunis at the Vauxhall End. Cunis—a funny sort of name. Neither one thing nor the other" - Alan Gibson
"Hansel and Gretel and Dizzy's double hundred—they're one and the same. An absolute fairytale" - Jason "Dizzy" Gillespie on his 200 against Bangladesh
"A fart competing with thunder" - Graham Gooch assessing England v Australia in 1991
"If it had been a cheese roll, it would have never got past him" - Graham Gooch after Mike Gatting was bowled by Shane Warne's 'Ball of the Century'
"Illy [Ray Illingworth] had the man-management skills of Basil Fawlty" - Darren Gough
"I don't know an England player who could fix a light bulb, let alone a match" - Darren Gough
"It's hard work making batting look effortless" - David Gower
"I don't like defensive shots—you can only get threes" - WG Grace*
"They came to see me bat not you bowl" - WG Grace, putting the bails back on his stumps after being bowled first ball.
"Clearly the West Indies are going to play their normal game, which is what they normally do" - Tony Greig
"What a magnificent shot! No, he's out" - Tony Greig
"In the back of Hughes' mind must be the thought that he will dance down the piss and mitch one" - Tony Greig
"Being the manager of a touring team is rather like being in charge of a cemetery - lots of people underneath you, but no one listening" - Wes Hall
"Ashley Giles made a simple attempt at a top-edged hook by Mahela Jayawardene look like a Mr Bean Christmas special" - Peter Hayter, lamenting the standard of England's fielding, 2003
"Shane Warne's idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand" - Ian Healy
"It's obviously a great occasion for all the players. It's a moment they will always forget" - Ray Hudson
"Mate, if you just turn the bat over, you'll find instructions on the other side" - Australian fast bowler Merv Hughes to Robin Smith after the England batsman repeatedly played and missed*
"The sight of Imran [Khan] tearing fearsomely down the hill and the baying of the crowd made me realise for the first time that adrenalin was sometimes brown" - Simon Hughes
"Dermot Reeve was so self-obsessed that even on the local nudist beach he only admired himself" - Simon Hughes
"You don't need a helmet facing Waqar [Younis] so much as a steel toe cap" - Simon Hughes on Waqar Youni's swinger yorker
"Clinching the [County] Championship is a strange sensation... There's more atmosphere in a doctor's waiting room" - Simon Hughes
"I absolutely insist that all my boys are in bed before breakfast" - Colin Ingleby-Mackenzie explaining how Hampshire won the County Championship under his captaincy
"Ilott is out of this game with a groin strain and thus joins Darren Gough, Chris Lewis and Andrew Caddick on the list of those more in line for a trip to Lourdes rather than Lord's" - Martin Johnson
"At least we are safe from an intoxicating rendition of 'There's only one Graeme Hick'. There are, quite clearly, two of them. The first one turns out for teams like Worcestershire and New Zealand's Northern Districts and plays like a god. The second one pulls on an England cap and plays like an anagram of god" - Martin Johnson
"Michael Atherton is one of the few people capable of looking more dishevelled at the start of a six-hour century than at the end of it" - Martin Johnson
"It would be a surprise if the mirrors in [Kevin] Pietersen's house totalled anything less than the entire stock at one of the larger branches of B&Q" - Martin Johnson
"As a preparation for a Test match, the domestic game is the equivalent of training for the Olympic marathon by taking the dog for a walk" - Martin Johnson
"How anyone can spin a ball the width of [Mike] Gatting boggles the mind" - Martin Johnson on Shane Warne's 'Ball of the Century'
"If he's not talking about the flipper it's the zooter, the slider, or the wrong'un. He'll shortly start working on a ball that loops the loop, disappears down his trouser leg, and whistles 'Waltzing Matilda' before rattling into the stumps" Martin Johnson on Shane Warne
"Welcome to Leicester where the captain Ray Illingworth has just relieved himself at the Pavilion End" - Brian Johnston
"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey" - Brian Johnston as Peter Willey faces up to Michael Holding*
"As he comes into bowl, Freddie Titmus has got two short legs, one of them square" - Brian Johnston
"[Glenn] Turner looks a bit shaky and unsteady, but I think he's going to bat on...one ball left" - Brian Johnston after Turner was hit in the box area by the penultimate ball of the match
"Neil Harvey's at slip, with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle" - Brian Johnston
"Bill [Frindall] needs a small ruler. How about the Sultan of Brunei? I hear he is only four foot ten" - Brian Johnston
"Batsmen wear so much protection these days that I mostly identify them from their posteriors" - Brian Johnston
"This bowler's like my dog: three short legs and balls which swing each way" - Brian Johnston
"I haven't noticed too many comments about my Aussie background out in the middle, but that's probably because I haven't been batting long enough to notice!" - Geraint Jones
"Don't bowl him bad balls, he hits the good ones for fours" - Michael Kasprowicz on Sachin Tendulkar
"A 1914 biplane tied up with elastic bands trying vainly to take off" - Frank Keating on Bob Willis's run up
"The programme implied that...he made love like he played cricket: slowly, methodically, but with the real possibility that he might stay in all day" - Martin Kelner reviewing a documentary about Geoffrey Boycott
"An interesting morning, full of interest" - Jim Laker
"And Ian Greig's on eight, including two fours" - Jim Laker
"It's a unique occasion really - a repeat of Melbourne 1977" - Jim Laker
"Sometimes people think it's like Polo, played on horseback, and I remember one guy thought it was a game involving insects" - Clayton Lambert on explaining cricket to Americans
"England have no McGrathish bowlers, there are hardly any McGrathish bowlers, except for [Glenn] McGrath" - Stuart Law
"There's nothing like the sound of flesh on leather to get a cricket match going" - Geoff Lawson
"For any budding cricketers listening, do you have any superstitious routines before an innings, like putting one pad on first and then the other one?" - Tony Lewis
"If I've to bowl to Sachin [Tendulkar], I'll bowl with a helmet on. He hits the ball so hard" - Dennis Lillee
"Geoffrey [Boycott] is the only fellow I've ever met who fell in love with himself at a young age and has remained faithful ever since" - Dennis Lillee
"They've got to swing like a 70s disco to get anywhere near from here" - David Lloyd on an Essex twenty20 run chase
"If this bloke's a Test match bowler, then my backside is a fire engine" - David Lloyd on first seeing Nathan Astle
"What do I think of the reverse sweep? It's like Manchester United getting a penalty and Bryan Robson taking it with his head" - David Lloyd
"England have nothing to lose here, apart from this Test match" - David Lloyd
"She was a lovely lady and quite ample. In fact, Muttiah Muralitharan would have had plenty of room to sign his name" - David Lloyd, asked to sign a woman's cleavage
Ian Botham: "Where were you last night?"
David Lloyd: "An oyster bar - apparently it puts lead in your pencil. I don't know about that. I think it only matters if you have got someone to write to"
"It was rather a pity Ellis got run out at 1107, because I was just striking a length" - Arthur Mailey, who took 4-362 during Victoria's record score
"The enigma with no variation" - Vic Marks on Chris Lewis
"So how's your wife and my kids?" - Rod Marsh, Australian wicket-keeper, welcoming Ian Botham to the crease*
"And we don't need a calculator to tell us that the required run-rate is 4.5454 per over" - Christopher Martin-Jenkins
"Gul has another ball in his hand and bowls to Bell who has two" - Christopher Martin-Jenkins
"It's a perfect day here in Australia, glorious blue sunshine" - Christopher Martin-Jenkins
"If you go in with two fast bowlers and one breaks down, you're left two short" - Bob Massie
"This game will be over anytime from now" - Alan McGilvray
"I've seen batting all over the world. And in other countries too" - Keith Miller
"I'm confident they play the game in haven. Wouldn't be heaven otherwise would it?" - Patrick Moore
"[Geoffrey] Boycott, somewhat a creature of habit, likes exactly the sort of food he himself prefers" - Don Mosey
"Well, everyone is enjoying this except Vic Marks, and I think he's enjoying himself" - Don Mosey
"I suppose I can gain some consolation from the fact that my name will be permanently in the record books" - Malcolm Nash after being hit for six sixes in an over by Gary Sobers in 1968
"His claim of being an all-rounder is clearly more a reflection of his physique than abilities in Test cricket" - Bangladesh newspaper on captain Khaled Mahmud
"Michael Vaughan has a long history in the game ahead of him" - Mark Nicholas
"If my grandfather was alive, he would have slaughtered a cow" - South Africa's Makhaya Ntini after taking 5-75 against England at Lord's
"Boy George would be considered straight at the University of Western Australia" - Kerry O'Keefe casting doubts about the tests done by the University on Muttiah Muralitharan's controversial bowling action
"I have prepared for the worst case scenario, but it could be even worse than that" - Monty Panesar, ready to face abuse in Australia
"Aussie sledging? I'm just glad they've heard of me!" - Monty Panesar
"Andre Nel is big and raw-boned and I suspect he has the IQ of an empty swimming pool" - Adam Parore
"Sorry, skipper, a leopard can't change it's stripes" - Lennie Pascoe
"It's a catch 21 situation" - Kevin Pietersen
"And there's the George Headley stand, named after George Headley" - Trevor Quirk
"No good hitting me there, mate, there's nothing to damage" - Derek Randall to Dennis Lillee after being hit on the head by a bouncer
"The blackcurrant jam tastes of fish to me" - Derek Randall, tasting caviar for the first time*
"There's only one man made more appeals than you, George, and that was Dr Barnardo" - Umpire Bill Reeve to George MacAuley
"I thought if Rembrandt can do it, why can't I?" - Jack Russsell on his new career as an artist
"We have had exceptionally wet weather in Derby - everywhere in the county is in the same boat" - Tom Sears
"This ground is surprising. It holds about 60,000 but when there are around 30,000 in, you get the feeling that it is half empty" - Ravi Shastri
"A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from a fracture of the shin" - Jo Sheldon
"Umpire Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands" - Navjot Sidhu
"The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies... and for the same reason" - Navjot Sidhu
"He played that like a dwarf at a urinal" - Navjot Sidhu as Sachin Tendulkar stands on his toes to play a shot
"I just want to get into the middle and get the right sort of runs" - Robin Smith, suffering from Diarrhoea on an England tour of India
"Yorkshire were 232 all out, Hutton ill. No, I'm sorry, Hutton 111" - John Snagge
"We've won one on the trot" - Alec Stewart
"I get a few strange looks when I use the hotel laundry. They're used to washing shirts and socks, but not too many have been asked to clean a panther's head" - Barmy Army member Kevin Thame after wearing a pink panther costume while watching England
"The only change England would propose might be to replace Derek Pringle, who remains troubled by no balls" - The Times
"With regard to the broken finger, when batting I'll just have to play it by ear" - Marcus Trescothick
"Unless something happens that we can't predict, I don't think a lot will happen" - Fred Trueman
"People only call me 'Fiery' because it rhymes with Fred, just like 'Typhoon' rhymes with Tyson" - Fred Trueman
"I'd have looked even faster in colour" - Fred Trueman
"There's only one head bigger than Tony Greig's - and that's Birkenhead" - Fred Trueman
"I know why Boycott's bought a house by the sea - so he'll be able to go for a walk on the water" - Fred Trueman
"Kid yourself it's Sunday, Rev, and keep your hands together" - Fred Trueman after Revd David Sheppard dropped a succession of catches
"I'm all right when his arm comes over, but I'm out of form by the time the bloody ball gets here" - Fred Trueman on the slow bowling of Peter Sainsbury
"The game's a little bit wide open again" - Fred Trueman
"That's what cricket's all about: two batsmen pitting their wits against one another" - Fred Trueman
"That was a tremendous six: the ball was still in the air as it went over the boundary" - Fred Trueman
"We didn't have metaphors in our day. We didn't beat around the bush" - Fred Trueman*
"England's always expecting. No wonder they call her the Mother Country" - Fred Trueman
"Anyone foolish enough to predict the outcome of this match is a fool" - Fred Trueman
"You can't smoke 20 a day and bowl fast" - Phil Tufnell on why he became a spinner
"My main aim as far as practice went was to turn up on time in order to avoid another fine from the management" - Phil Tufnell
"I've done the elephant, I've done the poverty - I might as well go home" - Phil Tufnell on a tour in India
"My knee is fine, but my neck hurts from watching all the sixes hit by Australia" - Michael Vaughan at the 2007 Twenty20 series
"Richie Benaud eyes the camera with the look of a disdainful lizard" - Brian Viner
"It is important for Pakistan to take wickets if they are going to make inroads into this Australian batting line-up" - Max Walker
"He has got perfect control over the ball right up to the minute he lets it go" - Peter Walker
"With the possible exception of Rolf Harris, no other Australian has inflicted more pain and grief on Englishmen since Don Bradman" - Mike Walters on Steve Waugh's retirement
"We slept under the stars in sleeping bags - it was wonderful getting bitten by the mozzies - I'm still covered in bites. We went orienteering in the middle of the night with six-foot kangaroos jumping around. It was just a wonderful time! - Shane Warne on coach John Buchanan's 'Boot Camp' (he's being sarcastic)
"I'm a big believer that the coach is something you travel in to get to and from the game" - Shane Warne with another dig at John Buchanan
"And we have just heard, although this is not the latest score from Bournemouth, that Hampshire have beaten Nottinghamshire by nine wickets" - Peter West
"So dull is he, that tapes of the Willis delivery should be sold in Mothercare as a sleeping aid for fractious toddlers" - Jim White on Bob Willis' style of commentary
"Kevin Pietersen would be deemed brash by a Texan assertiveness coach" - Simon Wilde
"I guess some guys are just naturally built for comfort rather than cricket" - Bob Willis on Robert Key
"Steve Bucknor has completely lost the plot. He should take his pension back and sail off to the sunset" - Bob Willis
"I was once offered a Foster's from someone over the fence, but it was warmer and frothier than a Foster's" - Bob Willis
"Go on Hedley, you've got him in two minds, he doesn't know whether to hit you for four or six" - Arthur Wood to Hedley Verity
Glenn McGrath - "Why are you so fat?"
Eddo Brandes ( Zimbabwean batsman ) - "Your wife gives me a biscuit every time I f*** her"
(courtesy of Illya McLellan)
"Most teams you know, only the next player to bat puts the pads on. With Zimbabwe, everyone puts pads on!" - Zimbabwe supporter
(Greg Thomas beats Viv Richards on the outside edge a couple of times)
Greg Thomas - "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces if you're wondering"
(Richards hits him for six, out of the ground and into a river the very next ball)
Viv Richards - "Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and find it"*
"Hell, [Mike Gatting] Gatt, move out the way, I can't see the wickets" - Dennis Lillee after stopping in mid run-up to bowl to Mike Gatting
Source: http://bleacherreport.com/articles/58608-20-great-quotes-fromcricket-part-one
The quotes aren't just from players, coaches and commentators, but anyone who has ever said a good quote to do with the chosen sport! Some are intentional, some aren't, I'll leave you to make your own mind up!
So, without further adieu, lets look at the first 20 great quotes from Cricket! Enjoy!
"A very small crowd here today. I can count the people on one hand. Can't be more than 30" - Michael Abrahamson
"Strangely, in slow motion, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer" - David Acfield
"Like an elephant trying to do the pole vault" - Jonathan Agnew as heavyweight Pakistan captain Inzamam-Ul-Haq falls over his own stumps
"Botham just couldn't quite get his leg over" - Jonathan Agnew as Ian Botham tries in vain to lift his leg over his stumps when off balance
"I've never got to the bottom of streaking" - Jonathan Agnew
"What we have here is a clear case of Mann's inhumanity to Mann" - John Arlott commenting on South African bowler "Tufty" Mann causing England batsman George Mann problems
"Like an old lady poking with her umbrella at a wasp's nest" - John Arlott on the batting of Australian Ernie Toshack
"A stroke of a man knocking a thistle top with a walking stick" - John Arlott on a Clive Lloyd four
"The umpire signals a bye with the air of a weary stalk" - John Arlott
"Bill Frindall has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator" - John Arlott
"He played a cut so late as to be positively posthumous" - John Arlott
"[Ray Jennings] was to orthodoxy what King Herod was to child-minding" - Mike Atherton on the South African coach
"It looks more suitable for growing carrots" - Andy Atkinson, ICC grounds inspector, on Bermuda's new pitch
"Tufnell! Can I borrow your brain? I'm building an idiot" - Australian fan to England spinner Phil Tufnell
"Leaving out Dennis Lillee against England would be as unthinkable as the Huns dropping Attila" - Australian TV commentator
"Well, Andrew Strauss is certainly an optimist—he's come out wearing sunblock" - Australian commentator in the fifth test of the 5-0 series whitewash in 2006-07
"The first time you face up to a googly you're going to be in trouble if you've never faced one before" - Trevor Bailey
"The Port Elizabeth ground is more of a circle than an oval. It is long and square" - Trevor Bailey
"There are good one-day players, there are good Test players and vice versa" - Trevor Bailey
"On the first day Logie decided to chance his arm and it came off" - Trevor Bailey
"I don't think he expected it, and that's what caught him unawares" - Trevor Bailey
"We owe some gratitude to Gatting and Lamb, who breathed some life into a corpse which had nearly expired" - Trevor Bailey
"No captain with all the hindsight in the world can predict how the wicket is going to play" - Trevor Bailey
"This series has been swings and pendulums all the way through" - Trevor Bailey
"Lloyd did what he achieved with that shot" - Trevor Bailey
"I bowl so slowly that if I don't like a ball I can run after it and bring it back" - J.M. Barrie
"England trained and grass grew at the MCG yesterday, two activities virtually indistinguishable from each other in tempo" - Greg Baum
"It was an excellent performance in the field marred only when Harris dropped Crapp in the outfield" - BBC Commentator on a missed chance off batsman Jack Crapp
"The hallmark of a great captain is the ability to win the toss at the right time" - Richie Benaud
"He's not quite got hold of that one. If he had, it would have gone for nine" - Richie Benaud on a Justin Langer six
"Gatting at fine leg - that's a contradiction in terms" - Richie Benaud
"Laird has been brought in to stand in the corner of the circle" - Richie Benaud
"He's usually a good puller - but he couldn't get it up that time" - Richie Benaud
"His throw went absolutely nowhere near where it was going" - Richie Benaud
"I think the batsman's strategy will be to make runs and not get out" - Richie Benaud
"This shirt is unique: there are only 200 of them" - Richie Benaud
"There were congratulations and high sixes all round" - Richie Benaud
"That slow-motion replay doesn't show how fast the ball was travelling" - Richie Benaud
"How can you tell your wife you are just popping out to play a match and then not come back for five days?" - Rafa Benitez struggling to come to terms with Test cricket
"England's pace bowlers are making the helmet go out of fashion" - Scyld Berry
"In the rear, the small diminutive figure of Shoaib Mohammed, who can't be much taller than he is" - Henry Blofeld
"It's a catch he would have caught 99 times times out of 1,000" - Henry Blofeld
"If the tension here was a block of Cheddar cheese, you could cut it with a knife" - Henry Blofeld
"Flintoff starts in, his shadow beside him. Where else would it be?" - Henry Blofeld
"I don't think I've actually drunk a beer for 15 years, except a few Guinnesses in Dublin, where it's the law" - Ian Botham
"I'd rather face Dennis Lillee with a stick of rhubarb than go through that again" - Ian Botham after being cleared of assault charges
"I don't ask my wife to face Michael Holding, so there's no reason why I should be changing nappies" - Ian Botham
"It couldn't have been Gatt. Anything he takes up to his room after nine o'clock, he eats" - Ian Botham on the Mike Gatting barmaid scandal
"This can only help England's cause" - Ian Botham on hearing that Geoffrey Boycott is to coach the Pakistan batsmen before their 2001 tour of England
"A few years ago England would have struggled to beat the Eskimos" - Ian Botham, 2005
"If I'd done a quarter of the things of which I'm accused, I'd be pickled in alcohol, I'd be a registered drug addict and would have sired half the children in the world's cricket-playing countries" - Ian Botham
"After their 60 overs, West Indies have scored 244 for 7, all out" - Frank Bough
"Life without sports is like life without underpants" - Billy Bowden
"Get a single down the other end and watch someone else play him" - Geoffrey Boycott, asked how best to handle Glenn McGrath
"I reckon my mum could have caught that in her pinny!" - Geoffrey Boycott on a dropped catch
"He could have caught that between the cheeks of his backside" - Geoffrey Boycott on another dropped catch
"I feel so bad about mine now I'm going to tie it around the cat" - Geoffrey Boycott, dismayed at the award of an MBE to Paul Collingwood for scoring 17 runs in the 2005 Ashes series
"I'm glad two sides of the cherry have been put forward" - Geoffrey Boycott
"Richie Benaud simply says 'out' with the grisly finality of the hangman" - Tony Brace
"Merv Hughes always appeared to be wearing a tumble-dried ferret on his top lip" - Rick Broadbent
"Too high?! If the ball had hit his head it would have hit the bloody wickets!" - Alan Brown, denied an LBW appeal against 5ft 3in Harry Pilling
"We had one or two disagreements but once he realised that he was wrong and I was right we moved on" - Surrey coach Alan Butcher on working with son Mark
"I am more inclined to believe that the Pope is guilty of multiple bigamy than to believe Hansie [Cronje] is guilty of being involved in bribery and corruption" - Caller to a South African radio show
"I once delivered a simple ball, which I was told, had it gone far enough, would have been considered a wide" - Lewis Carroll
"I can't really say I'm batting badly. I'm not batting long enough to be batting badly" - Greg Chappell
"The other advantage England have got when Phil Tufnell is bowling is that he isn't fielding" - Ian Chappell
"In my day 58 beers between London and Sydney would have virtually classified you as a teetotaller" - Ian Chappell, after batsman David Boon drank 58 cans of beer on the flight from Australia to England
"It's tough for a natural hooker to give it up" - Ian Chappell
"Three bad days does not mean you're a bad team overnight" - Paul Collingwood
David Gower: "Do you want Gatt [Mike Gatting] a foot wider?"
Chris Cowdrey: "No, he'd burst!"
"The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests—absolutely round" - Tony Cozier
"Now Botham, with a chance to put everything that's gone before behind him" - Tony Cozier
"Angus Fraser's bowling is like shooting down F-16 aeroplanes with sling shots. Even if they hit, no damage would be done. Like an old horse, he should be put out to pasture" - Colin Croft
"The ball came back, literally cutting Graham Thorpe in half" - Colin Croft
"Who could forget Malcolm Devon?" - Ted Dexter, completely forgetting Devon Malcolm
"Oh God! If there be cricket in heaven, let there also be rain" - Alec Douglas-Home*
"I can't bat, can't bowl and can't field these days. I've every chance of being picked for England" - Ray East
"It's difficult being more laid back than David Gower without actually being comatose" - Frances Edmonds
"Ian Botham is in no way inhibited by a capacity to over-intellectualise" - Frances Edmonds
"He's got a reputation for being awkward and arrogant, probably because he is awkward and arrogant" - Frances Edmonds on husband Phil
"Derek Randall bats like an octopus with piles" - Matthew Engel
"Waugh! What is he good for? Absolutely nothing!" - England fans' song during the 1993 Ashes series
"It means I can drive a flock of sheep through the town centre, drink for free in no less than 64 pubs and get a lift home with the police when I become inebriated. What more could you want?" - Andrew Flintoff
"I'm completely different from Pietersen. He would turn up to the opening of an envelope" - Andrew Flintoff
"It's far more daunting than bowling to Ricky Ponting or facing Shane Warne" - Andrew Flintoff on news that he was to duet with Elton John
"I'm ugly, I'm overweight, but I'm happy" - Andrew Flintoff
"In the past five weeks I've trained hard, trying to get my ankle back to where I want it to be" - Andrew Flintoff
"Lady, if I were built in proportion I'd be eight foot ten!" - Joel Garner
Interviewer: "Do you feel that the selectors and yourself have been vindicated by the result?"
Mike Gatting: "I don't think the press are vindictive. They can write what they want"
"Srikkanth is a vegetarian. If he swallows a fly, he will be in trouble" - Sunil Gavaskar
"Glenn McGrath joins Craig McDermott and Paul Reiffel in a three-ponged prace attack" - Tim Gavel
"This is Cunis at the Vauxhall End. Cunis—a funny sort of name. Neither one thing nor the other" - Alan Gibson
"Hansel and Gretel and Dizzy's double hundred—they're one and the same. An absolute fairytale" - Jason "Dizzy" Gillespie on his 200 against Bangladesh
"A fart competing with thunder" - Graham Gooch assessing England v Australia in 1991
"If it had been a cheese roll, it would have never got past him" - Graham Gooch after Mike Gatting was bowled by Shane Warne's 'Ball of the Century'
"Illy [Ray Illingworth] had the man-management skills of Basil Fawlty" - Darren Gough
"I don't know an England player who could fix a light bulb, let alone a match" - Darren Gough
"It's hard work making batting look effortless" - David Gower
"I don't like defensive shots—you can only get threes" - WG Grace*
"They came to see me bat not you bowl" - WG Grace, putting the bails back on his stumps after being bowled first ball.
"Clearly the West Indies are going to play their normal game, which is what they normally do" - Tony Greig
"What a magnificent shot! No, he's out" - Tony Greig
"In the back of Hughes' mind must be the thought that he will dance down the piss and mitch one" - Tony Greig
"Being the manager of a touring team is rather like being in charge of a cemetery - lots of people underneath you, but no one listening" - Wes Hall
"Ashley Giles made a simple attempt at a top-edged hook by Mahela Jayawardene look like a Mr Bean Christmas special" - Peter Hayter, lamenting the standard of England's fielding, 2003
"Shane Warne's idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand" - Ian Healy
"It's obviously a great occasion for all the players. It's a moment they will always forget" - Ray Hudson
"Mate, if you just turn the bat over, you'll find instructions on the other side" - Australian fast bowler Merv Hughes to Robin Smith after the England batsman repeatedly played and missed*
"The sight of Imran [Khan] tearing fearsomely down the hill and the baying of the crowd made me realise for the first time that adrenalin was sometimes brown" - Simon Hughes
"Dermot Reeve was so self-obsessed that even on the local nudist beach he only admired himself" - Simon Hughes
"You don't need a helmet facing Waqar [Younis] so much as a steel toe cap" - Simon Hughes on Waqar Youni's swinger yorker
"Clinching the [County] Championship is a strange sensation... There's more atmosphere in a doctor's waiting room" - Simon Hughes
"I absolutely insist that all my boys are in bed before breakfast" - Colin Ingleby-Mackenzie explaining how Hampshire won the County Championship under his captaincy
"Ilott is out of this game with a groin strain and thus joins Darren Gough, Chris Lewis and Andrew Caddick on the list of those more in line for a trip to Lourdes rather than Lord's" - Martin Johnson
"At least we are safe from an intoxicating rendition of 'There's only one Graeme Hick'. There are, quite clearly, two of them. The first one turns out for teams like Worcestershire and New Zealand's Northern Districts and plays like a god. The second one pulls on an England cap and plays like an anagram of god" - Martin Johnson
"Michael Atherton is one of the few people capable of looking more dishevelled at the start of a six-hour century than at the end of it" - Martin Johnson
"It would be a surprise if the mirrors in [Kevin] Pietersen's house totalled anything less than the entire stock at one of the larger branches of B&Q" - Martin Johnson
"As a preparation for a Test match, the domestic game is the equivalent of training for the Olympic marathon by taking the dog for a walk" - Martin Johnson
"How anyone can spin a ball the width of [Mike] Gatting boggles the mind" - Martin Johnson on Shane Warne's 'Ball of the Century'
"If he's not talking about the flipper it's the zooter, the slider, or the wrong'un. He'll shortly start working on a ball that loops the loop, disappears down his trouser leg, and whistles 'Waltzing Matilda' before rattling into the stumps" Martin Johnson on Shane Warne
"Welcome to Leicester where the captain Ray Illingworth has just relieved himself at the Pavilion End" - Brian Johnston
"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey" - Brian Johnston as Peter Willey faces up to Michael Holding*
"As he comes into bowl, Freddie Titmus has got two short legs, one of them square" - Brian Johnston
"[Glenn] Turner looks a bit shaky and unsteady, but I think he's going to bat on...one ball left" - Brian Johnston after Turner was hit in the box area by the penultimate ball of the match
"Neil Harvey's at slip, with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle" - Brian Johnston
"Bill [Frindall] needs a small ruler. How about the Sultan of Brunei? I hear he is only four foot ten" - Brian Johnston
"Batsmen wear so much protection these days that I mostly identify them from their posteriors" - Brian Johnston
"This bowler's like my dog: three short legs and balls which swing each way" - Brian Johnston
"I haven't noticed too many comments about my Aussie background out in the middle, but that's probably because I haven't been batting long enough to notice!" - Geraint Jones
"Don't bowl him bad balls, he hits the good ones for fours" - Michael Kasprowicz on Sachin Tendulkar
"A 1914 biplane tied up with elastic bands trying vainly to take off" - Frank Keating on Bob Willis's run up
"The programme implied that...he made love like he played cricket: slowly, methodically, but with the real possibility that he might stay in all day" - Martin Kelner reviewing a documentary about Geoffrey Boycott
"An interesting morning, full of interest" - Jim Laker
"And Ian Greig's on eight, including two fours" - Jim Laker
"It's a unique occasion really - a repeat of Melbourne 1977" - Jim Laker
"Sometimes people think it's like Polo, played on horseback, and I remember one guy thought it was a game involving insects" - Clayton Lambert on explaining cricket to Americans
"England have no McGrathish bowlers, there are hardly any McGrathish bowlers, except for [Glenn] McGrath" - Stuart Law
"There's nothing like the sound of flesh on leather to get a cricket match going" - Geoff Lawson
"For any budding cricketers listening, do you have any superstitious routines before an innings, like putting one pad on first and then the other one?" - Tony Lewis
"If I've to bowl to Sachin [Tendulkar], I'll bowl with a helmet on. He hits the ball so hard" - Dennis Lillee
"Geoffrey [Boycott] is the only fellow I've ever met who fell in love with himself at a young age and has remained faithful ever since" - Dennis Lillee
"They've got to swing like a 70s disco to get anywhere near from here" - David Lloyd on an Essex twenty20 run chase
"If this bloke's a Test match bowler, then my backside is a fire engine" - David Lloyd on first seeing Nathan Astle
"What do I think of the reverse sweep? It's like Manchester United getting a penalty and Bryan Robson taking it with his head" - David Lloyd
"England have nothing to lose here, apart from this Test match" - David Lloyd
"She was a lovely lady and quite ample. In fact, Muttiah Muralitharan would have had plenty of room to sign his name" - David Lloyd, asked to sign a woman's cleavage
Ian Botham: "Where were you last night?"
David Lloyd: "An oyster bar - apparently it puts lead in your pencil. I don't know about that. I think it only matters if you have got someone to write to"
"It was rather a pity Ellis got run out at 1107, because I was just striking a length" - Arthur Mailey, who took 4-362 during Victoria's record score
"The enigma with no variation" - Vic Marks on Chris Lewis
"So how's your wife and my kids?" - Rod Marsh, Australian wicket-keeper, welcoming Ian Botham to the crease*
"And we don't need a calculator to tell us that the required run-rate is 4.5454 per over" - Christopher Martin-Jenkins
"Gul has another ball in his hand and bowls to Bell who has two" - Christopher Martin-Jenkins
"It's a perfect day here in Australia, glorious blue sunshine" - Christopher Martin-Jenkins
"If you go in with two fast bowlers and one breaks down, you're left two short" - Bob Massie
"This game will be over anytime from now" - Alan McGilvray
"I've seen batting all over the world. And in other countries too" - Keith Miller
"I'm confident they play the game in haven. Wouldn't be heaven otherwise would it?" - Patrick Moore
"[Geoffrey] Boycott, somewhat a creature of habit, likes exactly the sort of food he himself prefers" - Don Mosey
"Well, everyone is enjoying this except Vic Marks, and I think he's enjoying himself" - Don Mosey
"I suppose I can gain some consolation from the fact that my name will be permanently in the record books" - Malcolm Nash after being hit for six sixes in an over by Gary Sobers in 1968
"His claim of being an all-rounder is clearly more a reflection of his physique than abilities in Test cricket" - Bangladesh newspaper on captain Khaled Mahmud
"Michael Vaughan has a long history in the game ahead of him" - Mark Nicholas
"If my grandfather was alive, he would have slaughtered a cow" - South Africa's Makhaya Ntini after taking 5-75 against England at Lord's
"Boy George would be considered straight at the University of Western Australia" - Kerry O'Keefe casting doubts about the tests done by the University on Muttiah Muralitharan's controversial bowling action
"I have prepared for the worst case scenario, but it could be even worse than that" - Monty Panesar, ready to face abuse in Australia
"Aussie sledging? I'm just glad they've heard of me!" - Monty Panesar
"Andre Nel is big and raw-boned and I suspect he has the IQ of an empty swimming pool" - Adam Parore
"Sorry, skipper, a leopard can't change it's stripes" - Lennie Pascoe
"It's a catch 21 situation" - Kevin Pietersen
"And there's the George Headley stand, named after George Headley" - Trevor Quirk
"No good hitting me there, mate, there's nothing to damage" - Derek Randall to Dennis Lillee after being hit on the head by a bouncer
"The blackcurrant jam tastes of fish to me" - Derek Randall, tasting caviar for the first time*
"There's only one man made more appeals than you, George, and that was Dr Barnardo" - Umpire Bill Reeve to George MacAuley
"I thought if Rembrandt can do it, why can't I?" - Jack Russsell on his new career as an artist
"We have had exceptionally wet weather in Derby - everywhere in the county is in the same boat" - Tom Sears
"This ground is surprising. It holds about 60,000 but when there are around 30,000 in, you get the feeling that it is half empty" - Ravi Shastri
"A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from a fracture of the shin" - Jo Sheldon
"Umpire Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands" - Navjot Sidhu
"The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies... and for the same reason" - Navjot Sidhu
"He played that like a dwarf at a urinal" - Navjot Sidhu as Sachin Tendulkar stands on his toes to play a shot
"I just want to get into the middle and get the right sort of runs" - Robin Smith, suffering from Diarrhoea on an England tour of India
"Yorkshire were 232 all out, Hutton ill. No, I'm sorry, Hutton 111" - John Snagge
"We've won one on the trot" - Alec Stewart
"I get a few strange looks when I use the hotel laundry. They're used to washing shirts and socks, but not too many have been asked to clean a panther's head" - Barmy Army member Kevin Thame after wearing a pink panther costume while watching England
"The only change England would propose might be to replace Derek Pringle, who remains troubled by no balls" - The Times
"With regard to the broken finger, when batting I'll just have to play it by ear" - Marcus Trescothick
"Unless something happens that we can't predict, I don't think a lot will happen" - Fred Trueman
"People only call me 'Fiery' because it rhymes with Fred, just like 'Typhoon' rhymes with Tyson" - Fred Trueman
"I'd have looked even faster in colour" - Fred Trueman
"There's only one head bigger than Tony Greig's - and that's Birkenhead" - Fred Trueman
"I know why Boycott's bought a house by the sea - so he'll be able to go for a walk on the water" - Fred Trueman
"Kid yourself it's Sunday, Rev, and keep your hands together" - Fred Trueman after Revd David Sheppard dropped a succession of catches
"I'm all right when his arm comes over, but I'm out of form by the time the bloody ball gets here" - Fred Trueman on the slow bowling of Peter Sainsbury
"The game's a little bit wide open again" - Fred Trueman
"That's what cricket's all about: two batsmen pitting their wits against one another" - Fred Trueman
"That was a tremendous six: the ball was still in the air as it went over the boundary" - Fred Trueman
"We didn't have metaphors in our day. We didn't beat around the bush" - Fred Trueman*
"England's always expecting. No wonder they call her the Mother Country" - Fred Trueman
"Anyone foolish enough to predict the outcome of this match is a fool" - Fred Trueman
"You can't smoke 20 a day and bowl fast" - Phil Tufnell on why he became a spinner
"My main aim as far as practice went was to turn up on time in order to avoid another fine from the management" - Phil Tufnell
"I've done the elephant, I've done the poverty - I might as well go home" - Phil Tufnell on a tour in India
"My knee is fine, but my neck hurts from watching all the sixes hit by Australia" - Michael Vaughan at the 2007 Twenty20 series
"Richie Benaud eyes the camera with the look of a disdainful lizard" - Brian Viner
"It is important for Pakistan to take wickets if they are going to make inroads into this Australian batting line-up" - Max Walker
"He has got perfect control over the ball right up to the minute he lets it go" - Peter Walker
"With the possible exception of Rolf Harris, no other Australian has inflicted more pain and grief on Englishmen since Don Bradman" - Mike Walters on Steve Waugh's retirement
"We slept under the stars in sleeping bags - it was wonderful getting bitten by the mozzies - I'm still covered in bites. We went orienteering in the middle of the night with six-foot kangaroos jumping around. It was just a wonderful time! - Shane Warne on coach John Buchanan's 'Boot Camp' (he's being sarcastic)
"I'm a big believer that the coach is something you travel in to get to and from the game" - Shane Warne with another dig at John Buchanan
"And we have just heard, although this is not the latest score from Bournemouth, that Hampshire have beaten Nottinghamshire by nine wickets" - Peter West
"So dull is he, that tapes of the Willis delivery should be sold in Mothercare as a sleeping aid for fractious toddlers" - Jim White on Bob Willis' style of commentary
"Kevin Pietersen would be deemed brash by a Texan assertiveness coach" - Simon Wilde
"I guess some guys are just naturally built for comfort rather than cricket" - Bob Willis on Robert Key
"Steve Bucknor has completely lost the plot. He should take his pension back and sail off to the sunset" - Bob Willis
"I was once offered a Foster's from someone over the fence, but it was warmer and frothier than a Foster's" - Bob Willis
"Go on Hedley, you've got him in two minds, he doesn't know whether to hit you for four or six" - Arthur Wood to Hedley Verity
Glenn McGrath - "Why are you so fat?"
Eddo Brandes ( Zimbabwean batsman ) - "Your wife gives me a biscuit every time I f*** her"
(courtesy of Illya McLellan)
"Most teams you know, only the next player to bat puts the pads on. With Zimbabwe, everyone puts pads on!" - Zimbabwe supporter
(Greg Thomas beats Viv Richards on the outside edge a couple of times)
Greg Thomas - "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces if you're wondering"
(Richards hits him for six, out of the ground and into a river the very next ball)
Viv Richards - "Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and find it"*
"Hell, [Mike Gatting] Gatt, move out the way, I can't see the wickets" - Dennis Lillee after stopping in mid run-up to bowl to Mike Gatting
Source: http://bleacherreport.com/articles/58608-20-great-quotes-fromcricket-part-one
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