Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

No one wants to be anonymous. We all want recognition and appreciation for who we are, and what we do. Most of the surveys say that recognition is what we most crave from our workplace. And, it is the determining factor to why people stay at their job. How can you make sure you are not anonymous at work, how can you stand out amongst all the others? Here are some ideas for you to try: 1. See work. In most companies, jobs are almost always bigger than the person. You can make your job bigger and better by simply seeing work that needs to be done, and then do it. Most of us work in small companies…there is always work to do. Do not wait around for someone to point out work to you. Get a reputation as someone who can see work, especially un-assigned work. Chances are good that the baby boomers at your workplace are not using Facebook, Twitter or blog. Seek them out and offer to teach them. They won’t ask, but we all know they do need the help. 2. On time. Be on time in everything you do.

Friendship (with a capital F) is a rare and precious thing, some mystical combination of compatible senses of humor, kind listening ears, and feelings of closeness and trust even if you live far from each other. Who can you count on for support, advice, and fun?  Share this collection of quotes with your boon companion and let them know how much you value their friendship. "What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies." - Aristotle "The only way to have a friend is to be one." - Ralph Waldo Emerson "To have a good friend is one of the highest delights of life; to be a good friend is one of the noblest and most difficult undertakings." - Anonymous "To a friend’s house, the road is never long." - Danish Proverb "One who looks for a friend without faults will have none." - Hasidic Saying "Who finds a faithful friend finds a treasure." - Apocrypha Ben Sira 6 14 "A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Befor

During the Cold War,if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, Soviet satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 5 seconds.. Soviet Counter-missiles would be on their way.This was their scenario. But if there is a nuclear war between India and Pakistan . The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India . They don't need any permission from their government,and promptly order the countdowns. Indian technology is highly advanced.In less than 8 seconds,INDIAN ARMY detects the Pak Countdown and decides to launch a missile in retribution. But,they need permission from the Government of India. They submit their request to the Indian President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet. The Prime Minister calls an EMERGENCY Lok Sabha session. The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it gets adjourned and adjourned indefinitely. The President asks for a quick decision. In the mean time,the Pak missile failed to t

When the boy was returning after his marriage he found his wife holding a small packet; The boy asked, “What’s there in that packet?” Wife replied, “Darling this is the secret of my life. Please never open it or ask me about it further. Otherwise our marriage will be in trouble.” The couple spent their days happily but the boy was very keen to know what was there in that small packet.   After some days the boy again sai, “Darling after marrying you, I got the woman of my dream but tell me what that packet is. It will never affect our relationship as I love you more than my life. But wife only told, “I also love you more than my life and that’s why telling you not to ask about that.” After somedays wife went to her own house and forgot to take her packet then the boy couldn't control himself and opened that packet! He was shocked to open that. There were 30 rupees and 2 wheat grains in that packet. The boy couldn't understand what it was and how it could affect their marriage li

A man escapes from prison where he's been locked up for 15yrs. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of the bed and he ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom. While he is in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He has probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you.  Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he could kill us both. Be strong, honey. "I love you!" His wife responds: "he wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked i

It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any project here takes 2 years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule.   Globalized processes have caused in us (all over the world) a general sense of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses a need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand, debate, debate, debate, hold several meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end, this always yields better results.   The first time I was in Sweden , one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning. It was September, bit cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees drive their car to work). The first day, I didn't say anything, either the second or third. One morning I asked, "Do you have a fix

The tomato is the world's most popular fruit. And yes, just like the brinjal and the pumpkin, botanically speaking it is a fruit, not a vegetable. More than 60 million tons of tomatoes are produced per year, 16 million tons more than the second most popular fruit, the banana. Apples are the third most popular (36 million tons), then oranges (34 million tons) and watermelons (22 million tons). Tomatoes were first cultivated in 700 AD by Aztecs and Incas. Explorers returning from Mexico introduced the tomato into Europe, where it was first mentioned in 1556. The French called it "the apple of love," the Germans "the apple of paradise." Tomatoes are rich in vitamins A and C and fibre, and are cholesterol free. An average size tomato (148 gram, or 5 oz) boasts only 35 calories. Furthermore, new medical research suggests that the consumption of lycopene - the stuff that makes tomatoes red - may prevent cancer. The scientific term for the common tomato is lycopersicon

Once upon a time a Washerman was bringing up two donkeys. Let us say Donkey-A and Donkey-B. Donkey-A felt it was very energetic and could do better than the other. It always tried to pull the washerman's attraction over it by taking more load and walking fast in front of him.  Innocent Donkey-B is normal, so it will walk normal, irrespective of the washerman's presence. After a period of time, Washerman started pressurizing Donkey-B to be like Donkey-A. But Donkey-B unable to walk fast, got continuous punishment from washerman. It was crying and told personally to Donkey-A "Dear friend, only we two are here, why to compete with each other. We can carry equal load at normal speed." That made Donkey-A all the more energetic and next day it told to washerman that it can carry more load and even it can run fast too. Obviously happier washerman looked at Donkey-B, his BP raised and he started kicking Donkey-B. Next day with smile, Donkey-A carried more load and started run

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?" The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch in rural areas. But, I had a problem I didn't know how to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters.   First poster- A  man lying in the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and fainting. Second poster - man is drinking our Cola. Third poster- Our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place "That should have worked," said the friend. The salesman replied "I didn’t realize that Arabs go from right to left. They see first right poster then middle poster and then first poster."

This story is about a man who once sold "Wada-Paav" (spiced potato patty in a bun) by the roadside. He was illiterate, so he never read newspapers. He was hard of hearing, so he never listened to the radio. His eyes were weak, so he never watched television. But enthusiastically, he sold lots of "Wada-paavs". He was smart enough to offer some attractive schemes to increase his sales. His sales and profit went up. He ordered more a more raw material and buns as sales went up. He recruited more support staff to serve more customers. He started offering home deliveries. Eventually he got himself a bigger and better stove.   As his business was growing, the son, who had recently graduated from college, joined his father. Then something strange happened. The son asked, "Dad, aren't you aware of the great recession that is  coming our way?" The father replied, "No, but tell me about it." The son said, "The  international situation is terrible.

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked - "Sir, would you like to buy a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?" Aghast, the man said, "Are you NUTS? That’s robbery!" The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again - "Sir, since you are a bit irritate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00? Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!" The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irritate guy - “Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much". Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spit it out and says: "HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like crap!!!" "It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"

Extract from "The 48 Laws of Power" by Robert Greene and Joost Elffers Law 1: Never Outshine the Master Always make those above you feel comfortably superior.  In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite – inspire fear and insecurity.  Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power. Law 2: Never put too Much Trust in Friends, Learn how to use Enemies Be wary of friends-they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy.  They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove.  In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies.  If you have no enemies, find a way to make them. Law 3: Conceal your Intentions Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions.  If they have no clue what you are up to, th

Patel is a Gujju-bhai. Patel was bragging to his boss one day,' You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.' Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, 'OK, Patel how about Tom Cruise?' 'Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.' So Patel and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, 'Patel! Great to see you. You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!' Although impressed, Patel's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Patel that he thinks Patel's knowing Cruise was just lucky. 'No, no, just name anyone else,' Patel says. 'President Obama,' his boss quickly retorts. 'Yes,' Patel says, 'I know him, let's fly out to Washington.' And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Patel on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, 'Pa

One day my mother was out, and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe two and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little tea set as a get-well gift, and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of tea, which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my mom came home. My dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was "just the cutest thing." My mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for daddy, and she watches him drink it. Then my mom talks to my dad, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the * toilet *?"

LOVE: when your eyes meet across a crowded room LUST: when your tongues meet across a crowded room MARRIAGE: when your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't care LOVE: when intercourse is called making love LUST: all other times MARRIAGE: what's intercourse? LOVE: when you argue over how many children to have LUST: when you argue over who gets the wet spot MARRIAGE: when you argue over money LOVE: when you share everything you own LUST: when you think twice about giving your partner bus money MARRIAGE: when the bank owns everything LOVE: when it doesn't matter if you don't climax LUST: when the relationship is over if you don't climax MARRIAGE: what's a climax? LOVE: when you phone each other just to say "Hi" LUST: when you phone each other just to organize sex MARRIAGE: when you phone each other to find out what time your son's game starts LOVE: when all you write is poems about your partner LUST: when all you write is your phone nu

Scenario 1 Love marriage : Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like. Arranged marriage : Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The main object is fixed and various functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted. Scenario 2 Love marriage : It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain. Arranged marriage : Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible. Scenario 3 Love marriage : Family system hangs because hardware called parents are not responding. Arranged marriage : Compatible with H/w Parents. Scenario 4 Love marriage : You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.   "The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.   Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times more or better!"  The woman said, "That's okay."   For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the   world, an Adonis who women will flock to."   The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."  So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!    For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.  The

My husband is S/W Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite; his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce. "Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought, with a lighted cigarette at all times. My feeling of disappoi

Love is holding hands in the street Marriage is holding arguments in the street Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant Marraige is a fast food take-out Love is cuddling on a sofa Marriage is deciding on a sofa Love is talking about having children Marriage is talking about getting away from children Love is going to bed early Marriage is going to sleep early Love is a romantic drive Marriage is a tarmac drive Love is losing your appetite Marriage is losing your figure Love is a flickering flame Marriage is a flickering television Love is 1 drink and 2 straws Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!"

Girls are surely going to read it Belive it or not....... Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls. Guys hate flirts. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow". ... So true. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly. Guys love their moms. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy li

Happy Valentines Day! Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below. Designation : Junior girl friend (trainee) Experience : Must have ditched at least 2 guys (Fresher with excellent credentials will be considered) Other requirement : Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required. Age : 18-26 (if the individual is too good looking but not in the age group can also apply, special consideration will undertaken for them) Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective. Perks and incentives: Total gross ( Monthly ) : • 2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones) • bike rides each duration 1 hour • trips to National Highways • 5 Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Isckon Temple • Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days • Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel worth Rs. 10 /- • 2 movies (Family movies only) per month (on weekends) • Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every Weekend (On

We begin this New Year with dampened enthusiasm and dented optimism. Our happiness is diluted and our peace is threatened by the financial illness that has infected our families, organizations and nations. Everyone is desperate to find a remedy that will cure their financial illness and help them recover their financial health. They expect the financial experts to provide them with remedies, forgetting the fact that it is these experts who created this financial mess. Every new year, I adopt a couple of old maxims as my beacons to guide my future. This self-prescribed therapy has ensured that with each passing year, I grow wiser and not older. This year, I invite you to tap into the financial wisdom of our elders along with me, and become financially wiser. Hard work: All hard work bring a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. Laziness: A sleeping lobster is carried away by the water current. Earnings: Never depend on a single source of income. [At least make your Investments ge

Mistake #1: Being Overly Nice The Guy that shows up with roses and goes out of his way to show the woman that he is really interested in her, usually doesn’t go very far in the relationship. Women like the thrill of the chase too.  Have you ever noticed that really attractive women tend to date the guys who hold back A LOT and many people view as a jerk?  You don’t have to prove that you are a nice guy.  It makes you look desperate.  Hold back until you’ve been dating a few month.  She will appreciate you more in the long run. Mistake #2: Trying To "Convince Her To Like You" Don’t try to convince her that you are date worthy.  It is falling on deaf ears and you are making yourself look pathetic.  If she isn’t interested, and she is telling you so, convincing her to go on a date is just going to make your wallet lighter and not give you the end results you desire.  Move on and find someone else. Mistake #3: Looking To Her For Approval Women like strong men.  Men who are wussy

I am one of those people who says “I love you” to all of my friends.  When I say it, it means that I really care! At the end of a phone call, I will end it with an “I Love You!” After we meet for lunch, I will give a friend a hug and an “I Love You!” I am an “I Love You” junkie, but I mean it!  I really do care!   The words “I Love You” mean different things to different people. Some people rarely heard those words from parents as they were growing up and they seem foreign to say to others. Other people feel comfortable throwing the phrase around willy-nilly. But when it comes to saying “I Love You!” to someone you are dating, it can be quite stressful! When we are dating someone we really care about, we want to hear those words. We wonder if we should be the one to say them first!  What happens if we say “IT” and we don’t hear it back? Or worse, the person breaks up with us because they don’t feel the same way! Here is a simple guild line to saying “I Love You!” Never tell a woman or

Clear out your emotional closet.  Let go of the emotions from past relationships that still linger in your life.  If you feel emotion such as hurt, anger, resentment, rage, or disgust, then you aren’t fully free to love someone else.  Although you say you are finished with that relationship, you clearly aren’t. Clean up your internal dialog.  Internal dialog consists of the things you say to yourself in the conversations you have in your head.  Get rid of negative thoughts about yourself.  No one is perfect.  Your imperfections actually give you character and are part of your charm. Continue your own personal growth.  Take classes and seminars that will move you closer to the best YOU!  You only know what you know until you learn more.  Conversely, you don’t know what you don’t know.  So keep at it.  Learning keeps you young and gives you tools to live life more productively. Stop caring about what other people think about you.  If you are always concerned that someone is judging you,

The Con: A person on an internet dating site contacts a woman.  (We haven’t heard of this happening to a man yet.)  They begin to email back and forth on the site.  He claims he wants to take things slow, but then he begins to show a great deal of interest fairly quickly.  He is very flattering and complimentary and indicates that he is very interested in the woman.  The man is targeting a woman who is really needy and highly desires being in a relationship.  They want it so badly that they put blinders on an put their common sense to the side. Before the couple has a chance to meet, he tells the woman that he has to leave the country on business or a preplanned vacation.  He wants to meet her when he gets back and he can’t wait to move to the next step: dating.  He asks for her cell phone number so he can text her while he is away.  Of course the woman gives him her number. While he is away, he contacts her via text several times.  He continues the flattery and building the hopes of s

Have you ever been dating someone and thought everything was going great when suddenly they stopped calling or returning your calls?  Has this happened several times?  Did it run through your head that there must be something wrong with you?  It is one of the most frequent concerns of our clientele.  Read on to find out what you can do about it. Dear Jeannine: I keep dating the same kind of guys, the ones who ignore me and I end up feel worthless and unattractive.  I think they are different.   But it is the same old story.  Recently I was dating a guy. We went out a few times and everything seems great.  They seem really interested in me. I really like them.  We are seeing each other ever other day and the sex was great.  It seems like after about a month he start becoming disinterested and short with me on the phone when I call.  Then he stopped returning my phone calls and text messages.  I don’t know what went wrong.  I don’t know if it is something about me or something I am doing

A few days back one of my neighbors came to me with his son who is studying in the 10th standard. After talking a few minutes about the weather, the current affairs, etc., he jumped straight to the subject that he came to discuss. He wanted to know which subjects his son should take for the next two years—Maths or Science. Or in other words, he wanted to know whether his son should become an engineer or doctor. When I asked him why he thinks that they are the only two professions, he looked at me as if I am an idiot. I told him there are other career choices in arts, literature, science, and so on. But he was not convinced. He asked me “What is the guarantee that he will get a job if he takes a degree in Commerce, English or Physics?” I asked him “What is the guarantee that your son will get a job if he becomes an engineer or a doctor?” He again gave me that ‘you idiot’ look and told the chances are better for engineers and doctors. I asked his son which subject he preferred. The son w

XYZ Office A fire alarm rang at 6 PM when almost all shift employees are in office(approx  5000).  As  usual entire office was evacuated within 3 minutes & every employee gathered outside office. 10 mins passed... 5 more mins passed. Security  Officer-  Announcement  started,  "Dear  Employees - With melting heart I am making this announcement that for many of you it will be a last evacuation drill, as we are laying off almost 80% employees. While moving in whoever's ID card won't work are laid off & all their belongings will be  couriered to them tomorrow. We followed this approach as we don't want to fill email box size with layoff mail in thousands & also to avoid any fight inside office. Hope you have Nice career ahead. Please move in & try your luck."

Look at the chart and say the COLOUR not the WORD Your right brain tries to say the color but your left brain insists on reading the word. This is left-right conflict .

Microsoft's Calculator Failed in following calculation. Go to Start-->Run-->type Calc. and Check the following.... 2704/50 = 54.08 Works Fine 2704/51 = 53.01960784 Works Fine 2704/52 = try yourself Doesn't Work 2704/53 = 51.01886792 Works Fine 2704/54 = 50.07407407 Works Fine Microsoft Calculator Failed Try it ...

Some time ago, a man punished his 3-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and he became infuriated when the child tried to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree. Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said, “This is for you, Daddy.” He was embarrassed by his earlier overreaction, but his anger flared again when he found the box was empty. He yelled at her, “Don’t you know that when you give someone a present, there’s supposed to be something inside it?” The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said,”Oh, Daddy, it is not empty. I blew kisses into the box. All for you, Daddy.” The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged for her forgiveness. It is told that the man kept that gold box by his bed for years and whenever he was discouraged, he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there. In a very real sens

Abraham Lincoln never quits. Born into poverty, Lincoln was faced with defeat throughout his life. He lost eight elections, twice failed in business and suffered a nervous breakdown. He could have quit many times - but he didn’t and because he didn’t quit, he became one of the greatest presidents in the United States history. Here is a sketch of Lincoln’s road to the White House: 1816 His family was forced out of their home. He had to work to support them. 1818 His mother died. 1831 Failed in business. 1832 Ran for state legislature - lost. 1832 Also lost his job - wanted to go to law school but couldn’t get in. 1833 Borrowed some money from a friend to begin a business and by the end of the year he was bankrupt. He spent the next 17 years of his life paying off this debt. 1834 Ran for state legislature again - won. 1835 Was engaged to be married, sweetheart died and his heart was broken. 1836 Had a total nervous breakdown and was in bed for six months. 1838 Sought to become speaker of

Vivek Pradhan was not a happy man. Even the plush comfort of the air-conditioned compartment of the Shatabdi express could not cool his frayed nerves. He was the Project Manager and still not entitled to air travel. It was not the prestige he sought, he had tried to reason with the admin person, it was the savings in time. As PM, he had so many things to do!! He opened his case and took out the laptop, determined to put the time to some good use. "Are you from the software industry sir," the man beside him was staring appreciatively at the laptop. Vivek glanced briefly and mumbled in affirmation, handling the laptop now with exaggerated care and importance as if it were an expensive car. "You people have brought so much advancement to the country, Sir. Today everything is getting computerized." "Thanks," smiled Vivek, turning around to give the man a look. He always found it difficult to resist appreciation. The man was young and stockily built like a spor