When to say I Love You!

I am one of those people who says “I love you” to all of my friends.  When I say it, it means that I really care! At the end of a phone call, I will end it with an “I Love You!” After we meet for lunch, I will give a friend a hug and an “I Love You!” I am an “I Love You” junkie, but I mean it!  I really do care!
 
The words “I Love You” mean different things to different people. Some people rarely heard those words from parents as they were growing up and they seem foreign to say to others. Other people feel comfortable throwing the phrase around willy-nilly. But when it comes to saying “I Love You!” to someone you are dating, it can be quite stressful!

When we are dating someone we really care about, we want to hear those words. We wonder if we should be the one to say them first!  What happens if we say “IT” and we don’t hear it back? Or worse, the person breaks up with us because they don’t feel the same way!

Here is a simple guild line to saying “I Love You!”

  1. Never tell a woman or man you love them until you are in an exclusive relationship.
  2. Don’t say “IT” to try to get your partner in bed.  Mean it!
  3. Don’t say it the first time during sex!
  4. Don’t say “IT” to test where the relationship is going.
  5. Don’t say “I Love You!” because you feel the other person isn’t as into you as you are into them and by say “IT” will spark more feelings.
  6. Let the lust die down and get to know the person before you blurt out an “I Love You!”
  7. Say it only if you mean it!
  8. If you have gotten into relationships too quickly that fizzled out, wait to say “IT” for at least three months.

As a way to pave the path to saying “IT”, start by telling your partner the things you love about them. Here are some examples:

  1. I love that you are thoughtful and call me every day.
  2. I love how you ask me about my day and really listen.
  3. I love when you surprise me with flowers.
  4. I love the way you treat your children.
  5. I love when you brought over a pizza and just wanted to spend time together.
  6. I love to hear you talk about your work and how much you enjoy it.

Using the words “I love” when giving your partner a compliment with begin to path the path to saying the BIG “I love you!”

So what if you say it and you don’t hear it back! Sometimes, the words mean a great deal to someone.  They might have only spoken these words to one or two people their whole life. “I Love You!” can mean “I plan to marry you!” to some people. Saying it lightly or prematurely isn’t going to happen.

If you say “IT” and you don’t hear it back, don’t be alarmed. At a later date, have a conversation about your feelings and try to understand what the words “I Love You!” mean to your partner. This conversation can build great intimacy between you. If you learn that they don’t care about you in the same way, you at least have that information and can make the decision to stay or leave the relationship. 


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