Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

A farmer had only one horse. One day, his horse ran away. All the neighbors came by saying, “I'm so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said, “We'll see.” A few days later, his horse came back with twenty wild horses. The man and his son corraled all 21 horses. All the neighbors came by saying, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!” The man just said, “We'll see.” One of the wild horses kicked the man's only son, breaking both his legs. All the neighbors came by saying, “I'm so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said, “We'll see.” The country went to war, and every able-bodied young man was drafted to fight. The war was terrible and killed every young man, but the farmer's son was spared, since his broken legs prevented him from being drafted. All the neighbors came by saying, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!” The man just said...

A Hindu saint who was visiting river Ganges to have a bath found a group of family members on the banks, shouting at each other. He turned to his disciples, smiled and asked,'Why do people shout at each other?' The disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout.' 'But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.' said the saint. The disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples. Finally the saint explained. 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts are very distant. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance. What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, because their hearts are very close. The distance betwe...

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.' The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.' The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.' The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old. The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful should remember fairies are females.

Rutali married Hitesh this day. At the end of the wedding party, Rutali's mother gave her a  newly opened bank saving passbook with Rs.1000 deposit amount. Mother: 'Rutali, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriagelife. When there's something happy and memorable happened in your newlife, put some money in. Write down what it's about next to the line. The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in. I've done the first one for you today. Do the others with Hitesh.When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.' Rutali shared this with Hitesh when getting home. They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can bemade. This was what they did after certain time: - 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage - 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Rutali - 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali - 15 Apr: Rs..2000, Rutali got pregnant - 1 Jun: Rs.100...

Number 10 The waiting game You called her and, although you usually don't do this (or at least you shouldn't), you left a message for her to call you back. Hours or even days may pass before she returns your call. She's biding her time because she doesn't want to look too eager or too interested. Although she's interested in you, she doesn't want to risk chasing you away by appearing clingy. What you should do: After a few days, you could call back to make sure she received the message, but after this point, it's up to her to follow up. If she doesn't, take the hint. Number 9 The bait game The "I think I look fat in these pants... do you?" scenario is a tricky situation. Asking for your opinion is important to her; she wants to make sure that you find her desirable. But by framing the question as an effort to validate her own opinion, she's baiting you into jamming your foot into your mouth. What you should do: Don't take the bait. Look...

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists: Two men and one woman.. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.' The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her hus...

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th Marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage". Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? " Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and ...

One night a guy took his girlfriend home. As they were about to say each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a little in the mood. With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss?" Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at her. "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" "No way. It's just too risky!" "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?" "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?" ............ ......... "No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you ... " Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and the girl's older sister showed up in her pajamas, hair ...

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtful...

You may rearrange the ranks ! 10. No, you don’t look fat. 9. I don’t enjoy going to pubs and bars. 8. We’ll talk about it later. 7. You remind me of Jennifer Lopez. 6. I love your cooking. 5. I don’t think of other women. 4. You can use my razor to shave your legs. 3. I love romantic movies. 2. I love spending time with your mom. 1. I’m sorry.

Police arrested a drunkard & askd: Where r u goin? Man: I'm goin 2 listen lecture on ill effcts of drinking. Cop: Who'll lecture at midnite? Man: My wife... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business? Student: Father-in-Law! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u. After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll kill u. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married. Man: Will it help? Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Beggar: Saab 12Rs do na coffee peeni hai. Man: Lekin coffee to 6Rs ki hai? Beggar: Par saab girlfrend bhi to...

Children (esp. newborns), Work, and School. These things are the usual reason why you and your honey are not have sex. You figure our sex life is on the fritz, and fear that the relationship is over. Don't worry, these 5 ways are guaranteed to bring back the life to the old sex section. 1. Lingerie   Ladies, spice it up! If you have a man that loves a woman in ligerie, then give him what he wants. Find out what color he likes you in, then head to the store (any store with lingerie) and buy it. And for those who find it a hassle to shop for lingerie, a cute bra and panty matching set works just the same. Grab some heels, tease the hair,  practice a seductive dance and PRESTO! you got sexy. 2. Sexy Phone Calls If you are an at home mom and he is a work all day dad, then sexy phone calls are sure to work. They are a great way to spice things up without even changing clothes. One afternoon, put your children to sleep for a nap, and call in to his office. Put some seduction in your voic...

1. OPENING JARS - she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work. 2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man. 3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks - camp. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic. 4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle. 5. GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction. 6. DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles ...

Equation  1 Human = eat +  sleep + work + enjoy Donkey = eat + sleep Therefore, Human = Donkey + work + enjoy Therefore, Human - enjoy = Donkey + work In other words, "Human that doesn't know to enjoy =  Donkey that works" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Equation 2 Men = eat + sleep + earn money Donkeys = eat +  sleep Therefore, Men = Donkeys + earn money Therefore, Men - earn money = Donkeys In  other words, "Men that don't earn money = Donkeys" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Equation  3 Women = eat + sleep + spend Donkeys =  eat + sleep Therefore, Women = Donkeys + spend Therefore, Women - spend = Donkeys In  other words, "Women that don't spend = Donkeys" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- To  Conclude: From Equation 2 and Equation 3 Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend. So, Men earn money not to let wom...

Love is holding hands in the street Marriage is holding arguments in the street Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant Marraige is a fast food take-out Love is cuddling on a sofa Marriage is deciding on a sofa Love is talking about having children Marriage is talking about getting away from children Love is going to bed early Marriage is going to sleep early Love is a romantic drive Marriage is a tarmac drive Love is losing your appetite Marriage is losing your figure Love is a flickering flame Marriage is a flickering television Love is 1 drink and 2 straws Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!"

Girls are surely going to read it Belive it or not....... Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls. Guys hate flirts. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow". ... So true. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly. Guys love their moms. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy li...

Happy Valentines Day! Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below. Designation : Junior girl friend (trainee) Experience : Must have ditched at least 2 guys (Fresher with excellent credentials will be considered) Other requirement : Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required. Age : 18-26 (if the individual is too good looking but not in the age group can also apply, special consideration will undertaken for them) Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective. Perks and incentives: Total gross ( Monthly ) : • 2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones) • bike rides each duration 1 hour • trips to National Highways • 5 Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Isckon Temple • Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days • Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel worth Rs. 10 /- • 2 movies (Family movies only) per month (on weekends) • Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every Weekend (On ...

Mistake #1: Being Overly Nice The Guy that shows up with roses and goes out of his way to show the woman that he is really interested in her, usually doesn’t go very far in the relationship. Women like the thrill of the chase too.  Have you ever noticed that really attractive women tend to date the guys who hold back A LOT and many people view as a jerk?  You don’t have to prove that you are a nice guy.  It makes you look desperate.  Hold back until you’ve been dating a few month.  She will appreciate you more in the long run. Mistake #2: Trying To "Convince Her To Like You" Don’t try to convince her that you are date worthy.  It is falling on deaf ears and you are making yourself look pathetic.  If she isn’t interested, and she is telling you so, convincing her to go on a date is just going to make your wallet lighter and not give you the end results you desire.  Move on and find someone else. Mistake #3: Looking To Her For Approval Women like strong men.  Men who are wussy ...

I am one of those people who says “I love you” to all of my friends.  When I say it, it means that I really care! At the end of a phone call, I will end it with an “I Love You!” After we meet for lunch, I will give a friend a hug and an “I Love You!” I am an “I Love You” junkie, but I mean it!  I really do care!   The words “I Love You” mean different things to different people. Some people rarely heard those words from parents as they were growing up and they seem foreign to say to others. Other people feel comfortable throwing the phrase around willy-nilly. But when it comes to saying “I Love You!” to someone you are dating, it can be quite stressful! When we are dating someone we really care about, we want to hear those words. We wonder if we should be the one to say them first!  What happens if we say “IT” and we don’t hear it back? Or worse, the person breaks up with us because they don’t feel the same way! Here is a simple guild line to saying “I Love You!” Never tell a woman or ...

Clear out your emotional closet.  Let go of the emotions from past relationships that still linger in your life.  If you feel emotion such as hurt, anger, resentment, rage, or disgust, then you aren’t fully free to love someone else.  Although you say you are finished with that relationship, you clearly aren’t. Clean up your internal dialog.  Internal dialog consists of the things you say to yourself in the conversations you have in your head.  Get rid of negative thoughts about yourself.  No one is perfect.  Your imperfections actually give you character and are part of your charm. Continue your own personal growth.  Take classes and seminars that will move you closer to the best YOU!  You only know what you know until you learn more.  Conversely, you don’t know what you don’t know.  So keep at it.  Learning keeps you young and gives you tools to live life more productively. Stop caring about what other people think about you.  If you are always concerned that someone is judging you, ...