Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

In 1871, Mark Twain was born as Samuel Langhorne Clemens in Florida, Missouri, U.S. He was a writer, and lecturer. He was called the “greatest American humorist of his age.” He wrote the now classic novels, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. He wrote some great stuff that is still read by millions today. He also had some great quotes that continue to live on because of the wisdom in them. Mark Twain was a funny, witty, and wise guy. I hope the below quotes will astonish, enlighten, and amuse you. 1. "I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened." We walk around all our lives thinking about things that will never happen. We worry, dread, and fear what hasn’t happened and what probably never will. Our minds are out of control. Our heads are filled with negative thoughts that have no bearing in reality, even if we think they do. Eliminating bad thoughts is possible, through methods such as EFT and Th...

At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Master Carlos? This is Arnaldo your country house caretaker" "Ah yes, Mr. Arnaldo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died" "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?" "That's the one." "Darn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh well...what did he die from?" "From eating rotten meat." "Rotten meat? Who was so mean as to give him meat?" "Nobody. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses." "Dead horse? What dead horse Mr. Arnaldo?" "Why, those pure breed ones that you had, sir. They died from all that work pulling the water cart." "Are you insane? What water cart?" "The one we used to put out the fire." "Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?" "The one at your ho...

A 24 year boy seeing out from the train window and shouted, "Dad , look the trees are going behind" Dad smiled. A young couple sitting nearby, looked at the 24 year old's childish behavior with pity. Suddenly he again said, "Dad, look the clouds are running with us!!" The couple Couldn’t resist and said to the old man, "Why don’t you take your son to a good doctor?" The old man smiled and said, "I did it & we are just coming from the hospital, my son was blind from birth, he just got his eyes today". Moral of the story Don’t jump 2 a conclusion directly. Bcoz what you see is most probably not the truth!

HUMOR — Barney Corkhill's Great Quotes series moves on from baseball to cricket. In this series I look at a selection of the very best quotes to ever grace various sports. The quotes aren't just from players, coaches and commentators, but anyone who has ever said a good quote to do with the chosen sport! Some are intentional, some aren't, I'll leave you to make your own mind up! So, without further adieu, lets look at the first 20 great quotes from Cricket! Enjoy! "A very small crowd here today. I can count the people on one hand. Can't be more than 30" - Michael Abrahamson "Strangely, in slow motion, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer" - David Acfield "Like an elephant trying to do the pole vault" - Jonathan Agnew as heavyweight Pakistan captain Inzamam-Ul-Haq falls over his own stumps "Botham just couldn't quite get his leg over" - Jonathan Agnew as Ian Botham tries in vain to lift his leg o...

AT THE ANNUAL CONVOCATION 2004 OF THE INDIAN INSTITUTE OF MANAGEMENT AT KOLKATA AT 2-15 PM ON APRIL 3, 2004 ON “CONTINUOUS TRANSFORMATION”. Distinguished Director and faculty of IIM- Kolkata, Guests, and my young friendsI am very happy to be with you this afternoon. Indian Institute of Management – Calcutta is one the earliest management colleges of higher learning to be set up in the country. The pioneering spirit continues even after IIM-C has transformed itself into a world class institution. In your two years here, you must have experienced the enormous change in your own understanding of business and management. Graduation is not the end but the beginning of learning and change. I have found that people who succeed most in their careers are those who can constantly transform themselves. Transformation is not so much a process, as a deep seated desire to change ourselves and our environment. Based on my own experience, I would like to share with you my thoughts on how to make con...

Over the years, I’ve collected some of the smartest-yet-funny software development quotes I have read. Here’s the current short list in no particular order. Oddly enough, there are thirteen of them and they all address the woes of programming. Feel free to add any like quotes in the comment section! “The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.” – Tom Cargill “In order to understand recursion, one must first understand recursion.” – Author Unknown “I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone; my wish has come true because I can no longer figure out how to use my telephone.” – Bjarne Stroustrup “A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.” – Mitch Ratcliffe “There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make i...

If you get in my way, I'll kill you! - ideal project manager If you get in my way, you'll kill me! - somewhat less than ideal project manager If I get in my way, I'll kill you! - somewhat misguided project manager If I get in your way, I'll kill you! - A tough project manager (eats glass, live cats, etc.) If get kill in will way I you. - dyslexic, functionally illiterate project manager I am the way! Kill me if you can! - messianic project manager Get away, I'll kill us all! - suicidal project manager If you kill me, I'll get in your way. - thoughtful but ineffective project manager If I kill you, I'll get in your way. - project manager who has trouble dealing with the obvious If a you getta ina my way, I gonna breaka you arm. - project manager from New York I am quite confident that there is nothing in the way, so no one will get killed. - project manager who is about to get in big trouble If you kill me, so what? If you get...