Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

My mother used to ask me: "What is the most important part of the body?" Through the years I would take a guess at what I thought was the correct answer. When I was younger, I thought sound was very important to us as humans, so I said, "My ears, Mommy." Mother said, "No Many people are deaf. But you keep thinking about it and I will ask you again soon." Several years passed before she asked me again. Since making my first attempt, I had contemplated the correct answer. So this time I told her, "Mommy, sight is very important to everybody, so it must be our eyes." Mother looked at me and told me, "You are learning fast, but the answer is not correct because there are many people who are blind." Stumped again, I continued my quest for knowledge. Over the years, Mother asked me a couple more times and always her answer was, "No, but you are getting smarter every year, my child." Then last year, my grandpa died. Everybody was hur

I pass through this very intersection every morning with so much ease. Today, the pace is skewed. There is a sense of disarray as motorists try to push past each other through the traffic light. The light here always tests their agility because if you miss the green, you have to wait for another three minutes before it lets you go past again. Those three minutes become eternity for an otherwise time-insensitive nation on the move. Today, there is a sense of chaos here. People are honking, skirting each other and rushing past. I look out of my window to seek the reason. It is not difficult to find because it is lying strewn all over the place. A tomato seller’s cart has overturned. There are tomatoes everywhere and the rushing motorists are making pulp of it. The man is trying to get his cart back on its four rickety wheels and a few passersby are picking up what they can in an attempt to save him total loss. Though symbolic in the larger scheme of things, it is not a substantive gestur

It's murder of English language. But Too Funny. Just Read It. Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows: "Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave." This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days." Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: "as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.." From H.A.L. Administration Dept: "As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave." Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave" An incident of a leave letter: &q

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. I was born intelligent - education ruined me. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.... what more can I say.......... Practice makes perfect..... But nobody's perfect......... so why practice? If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for? Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak. How come "abbreviated" is such a long word ? Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa. One should love animals. They are so tasty. Save water. Shower with your girl friend. Love thy neighbour. But don't get caught. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. The wis

On walking into the factory, the Head Manager noticed a young boy leaning against the wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him, How much do you earn?" The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2000.00 a month, Sir. Why?" Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $ 6000.00 cash then gave it to the young man and said:"Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is 3 months 'salary', now GET OUT and don't come back". The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight. Noticing a Few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner: "And that applies for everybody in this company". He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man that I just fired?" To which an amazing reply came of, "He was the pizza delivery man, Sir..."

1. Project manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month. 2. Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby. 3. Onsite coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month. 4. Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby. 5. Marketing manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available. 6. Resource optimization team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources. 7. Documentation team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months. 8. Quality auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby. 9. Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby. 10. HR manager is a person who thinks that a donkey can deliver a human baby if given 9 months.

Rupa was about to leave office after finishing her work. She got a call from her husband Kartik, Rupa: "Hello, yes Kartik". Kartik: "Rupa, can you open my gmail and get a print out of the mail from that US Consultant I forgot to take it in my office" Rupa: "Yes, I can, I need your password" Kartik: "jeni22091980" Rupa: "Ok fine" She takes the print out and logs out. Some thought struck her mind now. JENI happens to be his college mate. Hmmm... She decides not to discuss this with Kartik. She simply opens her own mail box and changes the password from "mohan143" to "karthik1976" and leaves for home! MORAL OF THE STORY: Change your password! NOW!

Banta had recently purchased a new computer with Microsoft Windows as the O/S and was unhappy with the same and writes a letter to Bill Gates, regarding the same. Dear Mr. Bill Gates, We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice. 1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this. 2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home. 3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem. 4. My child has learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that? 5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer' when you wil

During work, Raman and Narayan were chatting: Raman: Narayan, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week. Narayan: Oh! Raman: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell? Narayan: No Raman: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this. The next day, the same discussion took place: Raman: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is? Narayan: No Raman: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this. The next day, once again: Raman: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is? Narayan: No Raman: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this. This time, Narayan got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is Balakrishnan Kuppuswamy? Raman: No Narayan: He's the guy roaming with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know. "Rule: There is 'something' important in life than Work and Ge

OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME ? CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR OFFICER : YOUR FATHER'S NAME ? CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ? CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ? CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION? CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ? CANDIDATE : MATRIC PASS OFFICER : WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ? CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ? CANDIDATE : MONEY PROBLEM SIR OFFICER : DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY CANDIDATE : MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR OFFICER : THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : WHAT IS IT NOW CANDIDATE : MY PERFORMANCE. ...? OFFICER : MP !!! CANDIDATE : WHAT IS THAT SIR..? OFFICER : MENTALLY PUNCTURED...!!

Corporate Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you 800$ to drop that towel," After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800$ and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the 800$ he owes me?" Moral of the story : If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. Corporate Lesson 2: A priest offered a lift to a

You don't have to be a fan of auto racing to know about NASCAR. What started as moonshiners tinkering with their stock cars so they could outrun the law is now the world's fastest-growing spectator sport. Today races are held throughout the U.S. as well as in Canada and Mexico, and most are televised to millions of viewers at home. It seems that a lot of people like to watch cars go fast! However, NASCAR is not just an entertaining spectacle; it also provides good life lessons. 1. Going in Circles Does Have Meaning There's a joke among racing detractors that a race is just 40 cars each making a left turn, then another left turn, then another, then...well, you get the idea. But in NASCAR, each lap around the track counts for something and builds toward an eventual finale. Race fans notice the small changes and minor wins/losses with each lap. And drivers know that each lap is crucial because it determines the position for the next lap, and so on. When we feel like each week

Customer :Waiter, do you serve crabs? Waiter :Please sit down sir, we serve everyone. Customer:Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop? Waiter:Can't you tell the difference by taste? Customer:No, I can't. Waiter:Then does it really matter? Customer:Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup. Waiter:Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers. Customer:Waiter, there's a fly in my soup. Waiter:That' s all right sir, he won't drink much. Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg. Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card. Customer:Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup. Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Akash was waiting for his love.. "30 minutes late!!", his brain shouted at him, "Last time you were 5 mins late and she had literally gobbled u up ... remember??" “Yeah yeah", he said to his brain, "You know her ... all moody and stuff .... oh there she is" “Scold her OK?", his brain adviced. "OK I will try" Sweet Sheetal comes with the cutest smile and says "Im sorry honey.. I was shopping for shoes.. totally forgot about you" "What if you had said that line buddy?", shouted his brain ... "she would have had a nervous breakdown" Akash ignored his brain.. "It’s OK honey.. It’s only half an hour. No problem" She smiled once again.. held his hand and asked "Hope you remember what occasion is today" "OMG!!!", thought Akash .... "Brain ... search database for reminders, anniversaries, silly anniversaries, birthdays and birthdays of people I don’t care about" Brain got int

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it’s raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car? This is a dilemma that was once used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to ! pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again. The candidate who was hired had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer? He simply answered: “I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behin

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked stone & scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the child's hand & hit it many times, not realizing he was using a wrench. At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child say his father.... with painful eyes he asked "Dad when will my fingers grow back?" Man was so hurt and speechless. He went back to car and kicked it a lot of times. devastated by his own actions...... sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches, child had written "LOVE YOU DAD". The next day that man committed suicide. . . "Anger and Love has no limits, so let the river of life flow in Limits so that this fresh water stream is never scattered"