Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

A handsome Saudi was sitting in a restaurant at the corner seat. He asked a waiter to take the most expensive bottle of Wine to a very attractive woman sitting alone at a table in the other corner. Waiter brought in the elitist wine bottle & took the bottle to the woman and said, "Excuse me mam, this precious bottle is from that gentleman who is seated over there." And then indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the bottle coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by note. The waiter, who was staying nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a BMW in your garage, a house in Spain, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants.' After reading the note, the Saudi decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver i

एक बार राजा के दरबार मै एक फ़कीर गाना गाने जाता है फ़कीर बहुत अच्छा गाना गाता है। राजा कहते हैं इसे खूब सारा सोना दे दो। फ़कीर और अच्छा गाता है। राजा कहते हैं इसे हीरे जवाहरात भी दे दो। फकीर और अच्छा गाता है।राजा कहते हैं इसे असरफियाँ भी दे दो। फ़कीर और अच्छा गाता है।राजा कहते हैं इसे खूब सारी ज़मीन भी दे दो। फ़कीर गाना गा कर घर चला जाता है। और अपने बीबी बच्चों से कहता है आज  हमारे राजा  ने गाने का खूब सारा इनाम दिया। हीरे जवाहरात सोना ज़मीन असरफियाँ बहुत कुछ दिया। सब बहुत खुश होते हैं। कुछ दिन बीते ; फ़कीर को अभी तक राजा द्वारा मिलने वाला इनाम नही पहुँचा था । फ़कीर राजा के दरवार में फिर पहुँचा और कहने लगा, "राजाजी आप के द्वारा दिया गया इनाम मुझे अभी तक नहीं मिला।" राजा कहते हैं, "अरे फ़कीर, ये लेन देन की बात क्या करता है। तू मेरे कानों को खुश करता रहा और मैं तेरे कानों  को खुश करता रहा।"

A Sardar gifted his son a gun on his wedding night and said, "Shoot in the air if your wife is a virgin and Shoot her if she is not a virgin." Son fires in the air on the first night and shoots her on the second night.                               Singh is King!

Life can begin at 55, it is all in your hands! Many people feel unhappy, health-wise and security-wise, after 60 years of age, owing to the diminishing importance given to them and their opinions. But, it need not be so, if only we understand the basic principles of life and follow them scrupulously. Here are ten mantras to age gracefully and make life after retirement pleasant. 1. Never say I am aged There are three ages, chronological, biological, and psychological. The first is calculated based on our date of birth; the second is determined by the health conditions; the third is how old we feel we are. While we don't have control over the first, we can take care of our health with good diet, exercise and a cheerful attitude. A positive attitude and optimistic thinking can reverse the third age. 2. Health is wealth If you really love your kith and kin, taking care of your health should be your priority. Thus, you will not be a burden to them. Have an annual health c

A man parks his bicycle nearby the parliament house and walks on. A police constable stops him and asks, "Why did you park your bicycle here? Don't you know it's a VIP road and many MPs, sometimes CMs, PMs and even President pass from here." Man replied, "Don't worry, I have locked my bicycle."

After a tiring day, a young lady settled down in her local train seat and closed her eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her, pulled out his mobile and started talking in a loud voice "Hi Sweetheart, it's Rajaram I'm on the train." "Yes, I know it's six thirty and not four thirty, but I had a long meeting." "No honey, I was not with Preethi from the Accounts Office, I was with the boss attending the meeting." "No Sweetheart, you're the only one in my life." "Yes, I'm sure dear." Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly. When the young woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone, "Rajaram darling, hang up the phone and come back to bed." Now, Rajaram is back from hospital and doesn't use his mobile in public any longer.

A genie appeared in the dream of a woman. "Whatever you want, just ask", it said. "My husband’s eyes should be only on me during all waking hours." "And then ..?" "He should not be concerned with anything else in life except me." "And then?" "He should never sleep without me by his side." "And then ..?" "When he wakes up in the morning he should only see my face first." "And then ..?" "He should not go anywhere without me." "And then ..?" "If there is even a single scratch on me, he should go crazy with grief." "And then ..?" "That's it." And, bingo, the genie turned the woman into a IPhone!

26-year old man decided to have a cup of coffee. He took a cup of water and put it in the microwave to heat it up (something that he had done numerous times before). I am not sure how long he set the timer for, but he wanted to bring the water to a boil.  When the timer shut the oven off, he removed the cup from the oven. As he looked into the cup, he noted that the water was not boiling, but suddenly the water in the cup 'blew up' into his face. The cup remained intact until he threw it out of his hand, but all the water had flown out into his face due to the build-up of energy. His  whole face is blistered and he has 1st and 2nd degree burns to his face which may leave scarring. He also may have lost partial sight in his left eye. While at the hospital, the doctor who was attending to him stated that this is a fairly common occurrence and water (alone) should never be heated in a microwave oven. If water is heated in this manner, something should be  placed in the cup to dif

A local FM Radio was running a contest, and I phoned up. The RJ said, "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you have to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our grand prize." "That's fantastic!" I shouted in delight. "Feel confident?" she asked. "It's a maths question." "Well, I've got a Masters in maths and have been teaching maths for 35+ years," I proudly replied. "Ok then, to win our grand prize of 2 front row seats for Rahul Gandhi's speech and to meet him back stage, ... What is 2+2?" I replied, "7."

I took an auto from the town, to the medical college where my friend's mother is admitted. As I was suffering from back-pain, I asked the auto rickshaw driver,who was a pretty young boy to ride it smoothly as I am suffering from back-pain. Though I was expecting some rude reply (like how it usually is), he replied, "Okay sir" in a gentle voice and kept his word. Upon reaching destination, I asked him, "How much?" And in return he pointed me to a box kept near to his seat and replied "Put anything that you think is satisfactory for this ride." I got confused for a minute and then I saw a label over the box. It read - "Donation for the poor and needy patients". Meanwhile, the security personnel rushed to us asking us to move the vehicle from the front side. But upon seeing the autorickshaw driver, the watchman smiled and said, "Namaskar Sir". Both of them smiled at each other and the auto driver left. Upon anxiety, I asked t