Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

"Great wisdom not applied to action and behavior is meaningless data."- Peter Drucker Knowledge workers are people who know more about what they are doing than their boss does. My guess is that you, like most of my readers, are a knowledge worker. Many knowledge workers (especially those with technical backgrounds) have years of education and experience that enable them to come up with great ideas. Yet this same group has almost no training in how to "influence up" and ensure that their great ideas actually get accepted. Great ideas that are never implemented don't make much of an impact on the organization. The guidelines listed below are intended to help you do a better job of influencing your upper management. They won't always ensure your success, but they will definitely improve your odds! Take responsibility. Think like a salesperson-not a technician. In many ways, influencing up is similar to selling products or services to external customers. They do

Less than 25% of all vacancies are advertised, so for the vast majority of job seekers their success in finding a new role is determined by how well networked they are. Based upon the latest job vacancy figures from the Office of National Statistics1, in February 2007 there were a whopping 465,000 job vacancies that were not advertised. People who are good at networking have a significant advantage when it comes to taking the next step up their career ladder, as they will be able to choose from a much greater selection of job opportunities. Networking skills can be taught and this is one of the personal development courses run by the Transition Services practice of Reed Consulting, the specialist HR consultancy and outsourced services provider. To help individuals measure their effectiveness as networkers, Stuart Lindenfield, Head of Transition Services at Reed Consulting, has devised this simple, self-assessment networking questionnaire - Confident Networking Questionnaire Score each

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?" But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion." Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him. Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try." And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?" To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means." Moral: The reply you get depends on the question you ask. For Example: Can I work on this project while I'm on vacation?? Technorati : communication , pray , priest , smoke

The woods were lovely dark and deep. Walking slowly beside her, in the damp mud road, was her husband whom she barely knew. He was very relaxed, happily watching a group of kids playing at a distance. Her "Mahanadi" was still dark and smelling fresh, reminding of the excitements and tension 2 days back. "It can't work this way mom...please stop this", she kept telling her mother till the last moment, who wouldn't listen but carry on with beautifying her. She had been crying all night and her make-up had to be patched up twice or thrice to hide her awkwardly swollen face. It was too late now. She had to get married "NOW" to the guy... The guy whom she had seen once and talked thrice. The guy about whom she knew nothing at all but for his name and work. Everything happened in a hurry and everything was over before she could breathe again... Here was she with this guy, all alone in this hill station... How can anybody send their daughter such a long d

Year : 2030 Place : IBM, USA (Two Americans Talking) Currency Conversion Rate : INR 1 Rs = USD $ 100 Alex: Hi John, you didn't come yesterday to office? John: Yeah, I was in Indian Embassy for stamping. Alex: Oh really, what happened, I heard that nowadays it has become very strict. John: Yeah, but I managed to get it. Alex: How long it took to get it stamped? John: Oh, it was nasty man, long queue. Bill Gates was standing in front of me and they played with him like anything. That's why it got delayed. I went there at 2 AM itself and waited and returned by 4 PM. Alex: Really? In India, it is a matter of an hour to get stamped for USA John: Yeah, but that is because who in India will be interested in coming to USA man, their economy has been booming. Alex: So, when are you leaving? John: Anytime, after receiving my tickets from the client in India and you know, I will be getting a chance to fly Air-India. Sort of dream come true. Alex: How long are you going to stay in India. J

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, " Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back. Did we mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had b

A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate. My Dearest Praveena Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options (a)10 marks, (b) 5marks and (c) 3 marks 1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because: (a) Of love (b) You couldn't control seeing me (c) Really ... am I doing it? 2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because: (a) You always like to see me smiling (b) You are testing whether I like jokes (c) You are attracted by my smile 3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because: (a) You are so coy to sing before me (b) My presence influenced you (c) You feared that whether I'll like your song 4) When you were showing your child photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because: (a) You felt ashamed (b) You felt uneasy (c) You don't know 5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend

A wife was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful... Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful... Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!" The wife stared at him and asked, "What the hellis wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car." Technorati : car , egg , fry , husband , trouble , wife

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays. Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich. Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters. Divorce: Future tense of Marriage. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either" Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. Dictionary : A place where success comes before work. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on. Father: A banker provided by nature. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except

If the truth is told- the machine wont give any sound, if a lie is told- the machine will give a sound 'KIRRRRRRRR...' Now there are three Indians. One Bengali,one Madrasi and one Sardarji. Their correspondences are given infront of the lie machine.Here it goes...... Bengali:- 'I think I can eat 30 rosogullas at a time!' Lie machine:-'KIRRRRRRRR...' Bengali:-'No no, I think I can eat 10 rosogullas at a time' Lie machine:- no sound(truth is told) Madrasi:-'I think i can eat 25 dosas at a time' Lie machine:-'KIRRRRRRRR...' Madrasi:-'No no,I think i can eat 10 dosas at a time' Lie machine:-no sound(truth) Sardarji:-'I think....' Lie machine:- 'KIRRRRRRRR...' Sardarji:-'I think...' Lie machine:-'KIRRRRRRRR...'. Sardarji:-'I think...' Lie machine:-'KIRRRRRRRR...' Sardarji:-'I think...' Lie machine:-''KIRRRRRRRR...' Sardarji:-'I think...' Lie machine:-''

CONFIDENCE Once, all village people decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer all people gathered and only one boy came with an Umbrella, that's Confidence. TRUST Trust should be like the feeling of a one year old baby when you throw him in the air, he laughs...... because he knows you will catch him; that's Trust. HOPE Every night we go to bed, we have no assurance to get up alive in the next morning but still you have plans for the coming day; that's Hope. So keep Confidence, Trust others and never loose Hope. Technorati : confidence , examples , hope , trust

Read whenever you have time (One team member shared with me and i think it's good for all) Mr.Gopalakrishnan will succeed Mr.Ratan Tata as Chairman of Tata Sons Ltd.,the holding company for many of the Tata Bluechips like Tata Steel, Tata Motors,Tata Power, Tata Chemicals, Voltas, etc., Possibly he is the first non-Tata person to head the Tata Empire. Few days back he talked at length on "A Managers view of India". His presentation was by far the best of the many presentations delivered by Indian & Foreign delegates. He is an advert reader & a gifted orator......... undoubtedly a tribute to excellence and a benchmark worth emulating. This article written by him is really interesting! The grass isn't always greener on the other side!! Move from one job to another, but only for the right reasons. It's yet another day at office. As I logged on to the marketing and advertising sites for the latest updates, as usual, I found the headlines dominated by 'who&

A turtle family went on a picnic. The turtles, being naturally slow about things, took seven years to prepare for their outings. Finally the Turtle family left home looking for a suitable place. During the second year of their journey they found it. For about six months they cleaned up the area, unpacked the picnic basket, and completed the arrangements. Then they discovered they had forgotten the salt. A picnic without salt would be a disaster, they all agreed. After a lengthy discussion, the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the salt from home. Although he was the fastest of the slow moving turtles, the little turtle whined, cried, and wobbled in his shell. He agreed to go on one condition: that no one would eat until he returned. The family consented and the little turtle left. Three years passed and the little turtle had not returned. Five years, Six years... Then in the seventh year of his absence, the oldest turtle could no longer contain his hunger. He announced that he was

Santa: I tried ur number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!" Banta: Nooo, it's my HELLO TUNE! Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: jaldi bataao, Sona kahan hai Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko, jithe marzi so jao! Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai. Jeeto, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai. A crow shits on a Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him. Banta: Koi phayda nahin, kauwa toh ud gaya! Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein chalayeen thi. Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ? Santa meets his old friend. Santa: A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B. Friend: Oye, iska matlab? Santa: Kuch nahin yaar, I mean long time no C. Santa: Drinking n driving dono nalo naal nai ho sakde. Banta: Y? Santa: Je speed breaker aa gaya taa peg dul jau. Phone ki ring baji. Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar pe nahin hoon. Jeeto