Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

AT THE ANNUAL CONVOCATION 2004 OF THE INDIAN INSTITUTE OF MANAGEMENT AT KOLKATA AT 2-15 PM ON APRIL 3, 2004 ON “CONTINUOUS TRANSFORMATION”. Distinguished Director and faculty of IIM- Kolkata, Guests, and my young friendsI am very happy to be with you this afternoon. Indian Institute of Management – Calcutta is one the earliest management colleges of higher learning to be set up in the country. The pioneering spirit continues even after IIM-C has transformed itself into a world class institution. In your two years here, you must have experienced the enormous change in your own understanding of business and management. Graduation is not the end but the beginning of learning and change. I have found that people who succeed most in their careers are those who can constantly transform themselves. Transformation is not so much a process, as a deep seated desire to change ourselves and our environment. Based on my own experience, I would like to share with you my thoughts on how to make con

Over the years, I’ve collected some of the smartest-yet-funny software development quotes I have read. Here’s the current short list in no particular order. Oddly enough, there are thirteen of them and they all address the woes of programming. Feel free to add any like quotes in the comment section! “The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.” – Tom Cargill “In order to understand recursion, one must first understand recursion.” – Author Unknown “I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone; my wish has come true because I can no longer figure out how to use my telephone.” – Bjarne Stroustrup “A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.” – Mitch Ratcliffe “There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so

If you get in my way, I'll kill you! - ideal project manager If you get in my way, you'll kill me! - somewhat less than ideal project manager If I get in my way, I'll kill you! - somewhat misguided project manager If I get in your way, I'll kill you! - A tough project manager (eats glass, live cats, etc.) If get kill in will way I you. - dyslexic, functionally illiterate project manager I am the way! Kill me if you can! - messianic project manager Get away, I'll kill us all! - suicidal project manager If you kill me, I'll get in your way. - thoughtful but ineffective project manager If I kill you, I'll get in your way. - project manager who has trouble dealing with the obvious If a you getta ina my way, I gonna breaka you arm. - project manager from New York I am quite confident that there is nothing in the way, so no one will get killed. - project manager who is about to get in big trouble If you kill me, so what? If you get

Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released. Users find 137 new bugs. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scra

Below are some common findings that you can see in a mammal called as a software engineer. They never bargain. No wonder things have become so costly!  When a cab/bus passes by and you see all the commuters in it are sleeping like they haven't slept for years. Dilbert or Calvin is their favorite cartoon. Words like issues, tracker, raising requests, buzz/ping, compile, delete [unlike erase or rub it off], onsite [n not abroad is what 'foreign land' is called] are the ones that would be used by 'default'. Weekends are holy word. They are like a salvation one seeks for. "Wazzzup" and "Hows life?” are few obvious questions one will be greeted with which would be immediately followed by "how's work?"  Salaries, work etc are always better or in good shape in other companies than the one he/she is currently in. They don't send or take things. They always forward them!  Drinking coffee is the most pleasurable thing they think they

There comes a day in everyone's life, when it is time to retrospect on past happenings, and at the same time, look into the future. For the students of XIMB, the Foundation Day on October 14th is such an occasion. This year, Mr. Ashok Soota, the Chairman of Mindtree Consulting, delivered the Foundation Day lecture and ensured that the occasion was memorable for one and all. The topic of this year's lecture was "Realizing Your Personal Potential". Mr. Soota started by saying that the realization of one's personal potential should be the most important task in anyone's life. His focus was not only on successful careers but also on the innumerable other factors that contribute towards the shaping of a personality. According to him, success was the ability to set and meet achievable targets, and then continuously raise the bar. He also quoted the following inspiring saying by Sri Sri Ravishankar: "Stretching sound is music, stretching music is dance, stre