Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

1. HER DIARY Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love...

Arab son sends an e-mail to his Dad saying: Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college in my Gold Mercedes, when allMy Teachers travel by train. Your Son Nasser Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad: Loving son, Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too. Your Dad

Harley Cobb placed an estate-agency size notice in front of his house in Pasadena, California. It read, in large smart lettering: 'Widower 55 seeks attractive lady (40-60), friendship ... maybe more' and gave his phone number. His sign and his story appeared in newspapers and on TV, and he received more than 4,000 calls from marriage-minded women around the world. He interviewed 800 and dated 81 of them before meeting his wife, Helen, who lived in the neighbourhood. Helen, 46, remembers: 'When I first saw Harley's sign, I thought to myself, 'There's a fruitcase'. But one day I happened to be walking by when he was outside, posing for a photographer. I thought to myself: 'He looks normal'.' She phoned him. They met twice. They got married.

Yesterday started with the best of intentions. I walked into my office in the morning with a vague sense of what I wanted to accomplish. Then I sat down, turned on my computer, and checked my email. Two hours later, after fighting several fires, solving other people's problems, and dealing with whatever happened to be thrown at me through my computer and phone, I could hardly remember what I had set out to accomplish when I first turned on my computer. I'd been ambushed. And I know better. When I teach time management, I always start with the same question: How many of you have too much time and not enough to do in it? In ten years, no one has ever raised a hand. That means we start every day knowing we're not going to get it all done. So how we spend our time is a key strategic decision. That's why it's a good idea to create a to do list and an ignore list. The hardest attention to focus is our own. But even with those lists, the challenge, as always, is execution....

Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!' Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, 'Mona, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?' 'No, sweetheart,' she responds. Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, 'Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master Card balance yet?' 'Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,' she says. 'One last thing, Mona. Did you re...

First year students of MBBS were attending their first Anatomy class. They all gathered around the surgery table with a real dead dog. The Professor started class by telling two important qualities as a Doctor. The first is that NEVER BE DISGUSTED FOR ANYTHING ABOUT BODY, e.g. he inserted his finger in dog's mouth & on drawing back tasted it in his own mouth. Then he said them to do the same. The students hesitated for several minutes but eventually everyone inserted their fingers in dog's mouth & then tasted it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said: The most important 2nd quality is OBSERVATION, I inserted my Middle finger but tasted the Index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life is tough but it's a lot tougher when you are not paying attention.......

This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn't. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers. 1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. 2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward? 3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables? 4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside? 5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle? 6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ' dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them. 7. There are 14 punctuation...