Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

एक औरत अपनी जीभ पर कुमकुम चावल लगा रही थी। पति-ये क्या कर रही हो? पत्नी-आज परशुराम जयंती है, शस्त्र पूजन कर रही हूं

If a man is allowed to select a girl from 100 girls . and even if he picks the most beautiful girl, . . he still FEELS the PAIN of losing the remaining NINETY NINE... . . . and Women says... men don't have FEELINGS..   -----------@@@@@@----------- Baith kar mehbuba ki Baho me Aisa JosH Aaya.. . . Wah! Wah! Wah!! Wah!! . . Baith kar mehbuba ki Baho me Aisa JosH Aaya... Phirrrrr...? Phir kya.! Biwi Ne Dekh Liya aur ICU Me Hosh Aaya.. -----------@@@@@@----------- Wife = Where R u.? Husband = I'm At "Bank" . Wife  = Wow thats good  I need 20,000  For new  Cell Phone  ,5,000  for new dress , 6000 for new shoes, 4000 for new purse, 8000 for my new cosmetics Husband  Sorry , I mean I am at Blood bank "KHOON PIYEGI KHOON ?"🍷🍷🍷 🍷                 ...

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi-million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed. He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases. On the 2nd day she had to movers come and collect her things. On the 3rd day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished she went into each and every room and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly the house began to smell. They tried everything cle...

A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband’s home in a traditional manner. She was asked to give a little speech. She addressed as follows: “My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family“, she said “Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences by my being here. I mean that I don’t want you all to change your way of life, your routine.“ “What do you mean my child?” asked the father What I mean dad is: Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them. Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it. Those who cooked shouldn’t stop on my account. Those who used to clean should clean. As for me, I am here just to control your son!

A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name." A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!" Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you." A lady calls the poli...

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers : 'Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?' The husband laughs and says: 'An Italian girl !!!' The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: 'So, honey, how was the trip?' 'Very good, thank you.' 'And, what happened to my present?' 'Which present?' She asked. 'The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!' 'Oh, that' she said 'Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!' Source: http://resumeitblog.blogspot.com/2010/11/joke-italian-girl.html

Rupa was about to leave office after finishing her work. She got a call from her husband Kartik, Rupa: "Hello, yes Kartik". Kartik: "Rupa, can you open my gmail and get a print out of the mail from that US Consultant I forgot to take it in my office" Rupa: "Yes, I can, I need your password" Kartik: "jeni22091980" Rupa: "Ok fine" She takes the print out and logs out. Some thought struck her mind now. JENI happens to be his college mate. Hmmm... She decides not to discuss this with Kartik. She simply opens her own mail box and changes the password from "mohan143" to "karthik1976" and leaves for home! MORAL OF THE STORY: Change your password! NOW!

During work, Raman and Narayan were chatting: Raman: Narayan, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week. Narayan: Oh! Raman: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell? Narayan: No Raman: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this. The next day, the same discussion took place: Raman: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is? Narayan: No Raman: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this. The next day, once again: Raman: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is? Narayan: No Raman: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this. This time, Narayan got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is Balakrishnan Kuppuswamy? Raman: No Narayan: He's the guy roaming with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know. "Rule: There is 'something' important in life than Work and Ge...

Akash was waiting for his love.. "30 minutes late!!", his brain shouted at him, "Last time you were 5 mins late and she had literally gobbled u up ... remember??" “Yeah yeah", he said to his brain, "You know her ... all moody and stuff .... oh there she is" “Scold her OK?", his brain adviced. "OK I will try" Sweet Sheetal comes with the cutest smile and says "Im sorry honey.. I was shopping for shoes.. totally forgot about you" "What if you had said that line buddy?", shouted his brain ... "she would have had a nervous breakdown" Akash ignored his brain.. "It’s OK honey.. It’s only half an hour. No problem" She smiled once again.. held his hand and asked "Hope you remember what occasion is today" "OMG!!!", thought Akash .... "Brain ... search database for reminders, anniversaries, silly anniversaries, birthdays and birthdays of people I don’t care about" Brain got int...

Milka Singh's father gives him a revolver with 2 bullets on Milka's Suhag raat (honey moon). Father tells "Son, shoot the girl if she is not a virgin, shoot in the air if she is a virgin". Milka shoots in the air first night. Second night, Milka shoots the girl since she is not virgin anymore. Ram nam sathya hai.

There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife." So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him. Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket." "Yes,...

Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women? Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

My husband is S/W Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite; his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce. "Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought. My feeling of disappointment only increased. Here was a man w...

A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race come about?' The Mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made.' A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them.' The confused girl returns to her mother and says, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and Papa says we developed from monkeys?' The Mother answers, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side.'

Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?" Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems." X asked, "Can you explain?" Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions." Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples" Y said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it." X asked, "Then what is your role?" Y said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar sho...

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum: Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy? I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough. I'm here humbly to ask a few questions: 1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym) 2) Which age gro...

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question.... WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house." WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?" HUSBAND: ...

The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. The next day, he brought a small sign that read: "I'm the Boss!" He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: "Your wife called, she wants her sign back !"

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies. The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?" "Yes! I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued. "Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you t...