Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

In 1975, the CEO of pharmaceutical giant Johnson&Johnson presented his executive team with exactly those challenges. He sent the team on a two-day retreat to discuss the founding document of their company, the J&J Credo, which had hung unheeded and yellowing on company walls for decades after it was penned by the company’s founder. The Credo outlines the company’s specific responsibilities to all its stakeholders, starting with its customers—the doctors, nurses, patients and mothers of sick children who buy the companies medicines—as well as its suppliers, employees, host communities and, finally, the company’s share owners. Toward the end of the meeting, one of J&J’s top executives summarized what he saw as the reality of corporate life. He said that being an executive in a large company was like being a circus juggler, attempting to keep five balls in the air simultaneously. Four of those balls were white (those representing customers, suppliers, employees and communiti...

I am very happy to be here with you. It is always wonderful to be with young people. The funny thing about life is that you realize the value of something only when it begins to leave you. As my hair turned from black, to salt and pepper and finally salt without the pepper, I have begun to realize the importance of youth.At the same time, I have begun to truly appreciate some of the lessons I have learnt along the way. I hope you will find them useful when you plan your own career and life. The first thing I have learnt is that we must always begin with our strengths. From the earliest years of our schooling, everyone focuses on what is wrong with us. There is an imaginary story of a rabbit. The rabbit was enrolled in a rabbit school. Like all rabbits, it could hop very well but could not swim. At the end of the year, the rabbit got high marks in hopping but failed in swimming. The parents were concerned. They said, "Forget about hopping. You are anyway good at it. Concentrate on ...

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in loud discussions during office time..... Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?" "Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss" They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire. We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection." One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average? . . . . . . . . . . . . . "About 1 litre."

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey let alone catch it. The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them ...

1) Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: "Ok." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." ---------------------------------------- 2) Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message." Tech Support: "Did you install the update?" Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?" ---------------------------------------- 3) Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done." Customer: "I typed 'A: SETUP'." Tech Support: "Ma...

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too. Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug....

This is what Bhagwan Shri Krishna wants to tell you . Hey .......(Employee) , Incentive nahi mila, Bura Huva Salary cut rahi hai, Bura Huva Extra shift hogi, who bhi bure hogi. Hey Arjuna, Tum pitchla incentive na milne ka paschatap na karo, Tum agle incentive ki chinta na karo, Bus apni salary main santusta raho.... Tumhari pocket se kya gaya , Jo rote ho? Jo aaya tha sab uper ki income thee. ;-) Tum jab nahi the, tab bhi company chal rahi thee Tum jab nahi hoge, tab bhi chalegee. Hey Dhananjaya, Tum NE aisa kaun as response diya, Jo tumhara tha. Sab kuch, 'cut-copy-paste' ka khel tha. Tum koi experience leker nahi aaye the.. Jo experience mila, yahi mila... Jo support diya company ke liye... Degree leker aaye the, experience leker chalo. Jo system aaj tumhara hai.... Who kal kisi aur ka tha..... Kal kisi aur ka or parson kisi aur ka hoga.. Tum ise apna samajh kar kyo magan ho rahe ho.. Hey Kaunteya, Yahi tumhari tension kaa kaaran hai. "Kyo wayarth chinta karte ho, kiss...

Doctor Certified Certified that Mr./Miss _____________, working in your organization, is suffering from 'time-bound' illness. Due to this, he will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week. Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems. The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours. It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as " Come over weekend..", " Let's work on holiday..", " Leave cannot be granted. ." etc. Which can directly lead to heart strokes. In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient. Sd/- Dr. Impatient Cyber Clinic

On walking into the factory, the Head Manager noticed a young boy leaning against the wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him, How much do you earn?" The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2000.00 a month, Sir. Why?" Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $ 6000.00 cash then gave it to the young man and said:"Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is 3 months 'salary', now GET OUT and don't come back". The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight. Noticing a Few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner: "And that applies for everybody in this company". He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man that I just fired?" To which an amazing reply came of, "He was the pizza delivery man, Sir..."

1. Project manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month. 2. Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby. 3. Onsite coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month. 4. Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby. 5. Marketing manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available. 6. Resource optimization team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources. 7. Documentation team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months. 8. Quality auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby. 9. Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby. 10. HR manager is a person who thinks that a donkey can deliver a human baby if given 9 months.

OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME ? CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR OFFICER : YOUR FATHER'S NAME ? CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ? CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ? CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION? CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ? CANDIDATE : MATRIC PASS OFFICER : WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ? CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ? CANDIDATE : MONEY PROBLEM SIR OFFICER : DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY CANDIDATE : MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR OFFICER : THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : WHAT IS IT NOW CANDIDATE : MY PERFORMANCE. ...? OFFICER : MP !!! CANDIDATE : WHAT IS THAT SIR..? OFFICER : MENTALLY PUNCTURED...!!

Corporate Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you 800$ to drop that towel," After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800$ and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the 800$ he owes me?" Moral of the story : If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. Corporate Lesson 2: A priest offered a lift to a ...

Most of us in the IT field, used to do one thing before leaving for the day from office, Press Ctrl+Alt+ Del and leave to home happily. That means your PC is still on. One normal PC in the sleeping mode (Hibernation) will consume 35 watts/hr. Based on this we will do a small calculation. For one week 24 * 7 = 168 hrs of this if we consider that we are working for 68 hours, and then the PC is in sleeping mode for 100 Hrs a week. For one month 4 * 100 = 400 hrs In a normal IT office, if we assume approximately 250 PCs are there, 250 * 400 = 1,00,000 hrs (Sleeping Mode). So the power wasted in an office in a month is, 100000 * 35 = 3500 KWH or units. If the charge per unit is Indian Rs. 6, then totally the wastage value is approximately 21000 Indian rupees. Here the sad thing is not the money loss to the company but the power loss to the country. Apart from the loss to the country we need to think of the efforts people are putting for producing the power in the Mines, Thermal Stations, Hy...

A story told by an IIM professor regarding the side effects of systematic working :- After completion of Lanka War Hanumanji was enjoying LTA with his friends, he got an email on his laptop from Accounts requesting him to clear his dues before 31st March related with his tour to bring Sanjivani Booti for Laxmanji. He ignored the first mail. But after 3 - 4 reminders in two days time & receiving a call on CUG Mobile from Accounts Dept., he flew to Ayodhya canceling his leave. He submitted :- TA, DA Bill, Bills of Sushen Vaidya, Hospital Charges for getting injured by Bharatji during his travel at Ayodhya, Cost of Sanjeevani Booti Transport charges. (1) Where is your tour sanction report? Asked the Administration Dept. Hanumanji got it done by requesting to concerned officials 2 or 3 times. (2) Hanumanji claimed T.A. bill for air travel but he was given only second class sleeper charges & all other expenses on medical, Sanjeevani Booti, Fee of Sushen Vaidya were not reimbu...