Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

Soldiers are always soldiers! What is the meaning of Pin Drop Silence? Following are some instances when silence could speak louder than voice. Take 1: Field Marshal Sam M F J Maneckshaw once started addressing a public meeting at Ahmedabad in English. The crowd started chanting, "Speak in Gujarati. We will hear you only if you speak in Gujarati." Field Marshal Sam Maneckshaw stopped. Swept the audience with a hard stare and replied, "Friends, I have fought many a battle in my long career.  I have learned Punjabi from men of the Sikh Regiment; Marathi from the Maratha Regiment; Tamil from the men of the Madras Sappers; Bengali from the men of the Bengal Sappers; Hindi from the Bihar Regiment; Even Nepali from the Gurkha Regiment.   Unfortunately there was no soldier from Gujarat from whom I could have learned Gujarati."... You could have heard a pin drop Take 2: Robert Whiting,  an elderly US gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a f...

First year students of MBBS were attending their first Anatomy class. They all gathered around the surgery table with a real dead dog. The Professor started class by telling two important qualities as a Doctor. The first is that NEVER BE DISGUSTED FOR ANYTHING ABOUT BODY, e.g. he inserted his finger in dog's mouth & on drawing back tasted it in his own mouth. Then he said them to do the same. The students hesitated for several minutes but eventually everyone inserted their fingers in dog's mouth & then tasted it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said: The most important 2nd quality is OBSERVATION, I inserted my Middle finger but tasted the Index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life is tough but it's a lot tougher when you are not paying attention.......

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university lecturer. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee. When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand. The lecturer said: "If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other's cups." "Now, if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hol...

This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel. He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough, and goes over and jumps out the window. Now, there are two men who are sitting at a window table, and having that natural human curiosity about the grotesque, watch as this man plummets to certain death. However, just as he is about to hit the ground, he rights himself, pulls his feet underneath himself, and lands gracefully. He then turns and comes back into the building. Naturally, the two men are amazed. The guy comes back into the bar, orders a few drinks, then repeats the process. The two men at the window seat are astounded! When the guy returns and repeats the procedure AGAIN, the two men stop him before he jumps and ask him how on earth he does that. He replies "It's simple, really. There's an air vent down by the ground, and if you catch the updraft, you can right yourself and land on the ground with...

A simple man tells how his booking an air ticket for his father, his first flight, brought emotions and made him realize that how much we all take for granted when it comes to our parents. My parents left for our native place on Thursday and we went to the airport to see them off. In fact, my father had never traveled by air before, so I just took this opportunity to make him experience the same. In spite of being asked to book tickets by train, I got them tickets on Lufthansa. The moment I handed over the tickets to him, he was surprised to see that I had booked them by air. The excitement was very apparent on his face, waiting for the time of travel. Just like a school boy, he was preparing himself on that day and we all went to the airport, right from using the trolley for his luggage, the baggage check-in and asking for window seat and waiting restlessly for the security check-in to happen. He was thoroughly enjoying himself and I, too, was overcome with joy watching him experien...

My husband is S/W Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite; his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce. "Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought. My feeling of disappointment only increased. Here was a man w...

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum: Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy? I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough. I'm here humbly to ask a few questions: 1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym) 2) Which age gro...

Before the marriage: He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. She: Do you want me to leave? He: NO! Don't even think about it. She: Do you love me? He: Of course! She: Have you ever cheated on me? He: NO! Why you even asking? She: Will you kiss me? He: Yes! She: Will you hit me? He: No way! I'm not such kind of person! She: Can I trust you? He: Yes. . . . . . . . . Now after the marriage you can read it from below to up!!!! Technorati : he , marraige , she

Hi, If you know some one staying in Pune let them know this. If you are inpune, do go through this story COZ, its a real one. Read this true story... and let everybody you know in and around Pune especially University Road ......... My friend lives in Deccan... One day he went to University Roadto visit his uncle for some days as his parents had to attend a wedding in Lonavla. One evening he and some other of my college friends went to Adlabs for a movie. He had so much fun that he forgot that it's very late. He caught the last PMT to University Road..... he reached University Road around midnight...... He had to walk about a mile from the bus stop to home.... As he was walking alone, he could sense that the night felt very creepy as it was so dark. While walking, he was astonished to see an old weird-looking guy selling some books. It was a very unusual thing to see a thing like that..... It got the shivers ! on him when he noticed that his old guy was unusually pale and staring a...

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists that her husband go with her to Walmart, but he gets bored with all the shopping trips. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. Here's a letter sent to Mrs. Fenton from Walmart: Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below. Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Walmart: 1 June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3...

A group of alumni, well settled in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about the stress at work and in their lives. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal. While some were plain looking others were expensive and exquisite. The professor asked the group to help themselves to the hot coffee. When the students were holding the cups in their hands, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the expensive and nice looking cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones." The professor went on to say, "It is quiet normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, but that is the source of your problems and stress. Now, what all of you really wanted was the coffee and not the cup. You consciously went for the best cups and were noticing each other's. Now if life is co...

A team of young budding Managers were given an assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So the Managers discussed and put up a project plan with roles and responsibilities. The Manager who was responsible for organizing the resources went out and got a ladder and a tape. The tape measure was just the ordinary tape of 6 feet. The lead manager assigned another manager to go on top of the pole and start the measure. They were falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing was just a mess. An Engineer came along and saw what they' were trying to do. He walked over pulled the Flagpole out of the ground, laid it flat, measured it from end to end, gave the measurement to one of the managers and walked away. After the Engineer went away, one manager turns head to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer? We're looking for height and he gives the length" Moral: No matter how good an engineer you are, Manager always finds fault in ...

The business executive was deep in debt and could see no way out. Creditors were closing in on him. Suppliers were demanding payment. He sat on the park bench, head in hands, wondering if anything could save his company from bankruptcy. Suddenly an old man appeared before him. "I can see that something is troubling you," he said. After listening to the executive's woes, the old man said, "I believe I can help you." He asked the man his name, wrote out a check, and pushed it into his hand saying, "Take this money. Meet me here exactly one year from today, and you can pay me back at that time." Then he turned and disappeared as quickly as he had come. The business executive saw in his hand a check for $500,000, signed by John D. Rockefeller, then one of the richest men in the world! "I can erase my money worries in an instant!" he realized. But instead, the executive decided to put the uncashed check in his safe. Just knowing it was there might...

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop, with them are their 8 children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, theyfind it overloaded and only the wife and her eight children are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man and says to him: "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that tick sound is driving me crazy!!" The blind man replies: "If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be sitting in the bus, so shut up!!!!"

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits. The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation: The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn? The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn." "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now." replied boy. The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn. The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach , Florida ." Again the woman answered in the negative. With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all, walked over to the boy and ...

Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of them died. Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death. He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN. But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL. Laloo is not at all happy with this decision. He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. Then why the differential treatment? He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived notions. Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test. PVNR is asked to spell "INDIA" and he does it correctly. Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND" and he too passes. It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to ...

One boy raised his hand and stood up; Bush: whats your name John: john Bush: whats your question Johm: sir I have three questions 1) why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO 2) where is osama 3) why does America support Pakistan so much Bush: you are an intelligent student john….(just then the bell for recess rang) Oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over. After the recess Bush: ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any question? Peter raises his hand Bush :Whats your name? Peter : sir I have 5 questions. 1) why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO 2) where is osama 3) why do America support Pakistan so much 4) why did recess bell rang 20 mins before the scheduled time 5) where is JOHN? Technorati : America , Bush , Osama , Pakistan

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realise you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, an...

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door. Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet. "Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s...!" exclaimed the eager salesman. "Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that?" asked the lady. The bewildered salesman asked, " Why, madam?" "There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady. MORAL: Gather all resources before working on any project...!!! Technorati : resources , salesman , vacuum cleaner

You will enjoy only if you know 'Ramayana' :( One day, Mickey Mouse asks Donald Duck to tell him Ramayana. Donald duck is impressed and starts reading verses from Ramayana. Mickey Mouse continues to listen. After completing the whole Ramayan, Donald Duck lets out a big sigh and asks Mickey Mouse, "Mickey Mouse, tell me...who was the father of Lord Ram?" Mickey Mouse cannot... Angry, Donald duck, again asks, " Mickey Mouse!!! tell me... what was the capital of Ram's kingdom!" Mickey Mouse cannot answer again. Infuriated, Donald Duck kicks Mickey Mouse hard, and Mickey Mouse goes and collides with a wall. As soon as he collides with the wall, he gets up and starts saying verses of Ramayana from start to end.... How did this happen??? .. .. .. .. After hitting the wall, Mickey becomes Wall-Mickey( Valmiki).... Technorati : donald duck , humour , mickey mouse , ramayana , story