Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

During a Robbery in Hong Kong, the Bank Robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The Money belongs to the Government. Your Life belongs to You." Everyone in the Bank laid down quietly. This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the Conventional Way of Thinking. When a Lady lay on the Table provocatively, the Robber shouted at her: "Please be Civilized! This is a Robbery and not a Rape!" This is called "Being Professional” . Focus only on What You are Trained to do!  When the Bank Robbers returned Home, the Younger Robber (MBA Trained) told the older Robber (who has only completed Year 6 in Primary School): "Big Brother, let's count how much we got." The older Robber rebutted and said: "You are very Stupid. There is so much Money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV News will tell us how much we Robbed from the Bank!" This is called "Experience”  Nowadays, experience is more Im...

A new vacuum salesman knocked at the door…. A lady opened it. Before she could speak... The salesman rushed into the living room and emptied a bag of cow dung on the carpet. Salesman: - Madam, if I couldn't clean this up in the next 3 mins with my new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this!! Lady: Do you need Chili Sauce with that? Salesman: - Why Madam? Lady: - Because there's no electricity in the house...!!! MORAL: - "Gather all resources before working on any project and committing to the client... & over smartness can be deadly."..

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’ Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’ Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’ After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’ ‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies. ‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’ Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Life can begin at 55, it is all in your hands! Many people feel unhappy, health-wise and security-wise, after 60 years of age, owing to the diminishing importance given to them and their opinions. But, it need not be so, if only we understand the basic principles of life and follow them scrupulously. Here are ten mantras to age gracefully and make life after retirement pleasant. 1. Never say I am aged There are three ages, chronological, biological, and psychological. The first is calculated based on our date of birth; the second is determined by the health conditions; the third is how old we feel we are. While we don't have control over the first, we can take care of our health with good diet, exercise and a cheerful attitude. A positive attitude and optimistic thinking can reverse the third age. 2. Health is wealth If you really love your kith and kin, taking care of your health should be your priority. Thus, you will not be a burden to them. Have an annual health c...

In 1998, Kodak had 170,000 employees and sold 85% of all photo paper worldwide. Within just a few years, their business model disappeared and they got bankrupt. What happened to Kodak will happen in a lot of industries in the next 10 year - and most people don't see it coming. Did you think in 1998 that 3 years later you would never take pictures on paper film again? Yet digital cameras were invented in 1975. The first ones only had 10,000 pixels, but followed Moore's law. So as with all exponential technologies, it was a disappointment for a long time, before it became way superiour and got mainstream in only a few short years. It will now happen with Artificial Intelligence, health, autonomous and electric cars, education, 3D printing, agriculture and jobs. Welcome to the 4th Industrial Revolution. Welcome to the Exponential Age. Software will disrupt most traditional industries in the next 5-10 years. Uber is just a software tool, they don't own any cars, and a...

AT THE ANNUAL CONVOCATION 2004 OF THE INDIAN INSTITUTE OF MANAGEMENT AT KOLKATA AT 2-15 PM ON APRIL 3, 2004 ON “CONTINUOUS TRANSFORMATION”. Distinguished Director and faculty of IIM- Kolkata, Guests, and my young friendsI am very happy to be with you this afternoon. Indian Institute of Management – Calcutta is one the earliest management colleges of higher learning to be set up in the country. The pioneering spirit continues even after IIM-C has transformed itself into a world class institution. In your two years here, you must have experienced the enormous change in your own understanding of business and management. Graduation is not the end but the beginning of learning and change. I have found that people who succeed most in their careers are those who can constantly transform themselves. Transformation is not so much a process, as a deep seated desire to change ourselves and our environment. Based on my own experience, I would like to share with you my thoughts on how to make con...

There comes a day in everyone's life, when it is time to retrospect on past happenings, and at the same time, look into the future. For the students of XIMB, the Foundation Day on October 14th is such an occasion. This year, Mr. Ashok Soota, the Chairman of Mindtree Consulting, delivered the Foundation Day lecture and ensured that the occasion was memorable for one and all. The topic of this year's lecture was "Realizing Your Personal Potential". Mr. Soota started by saying that the realization of one's personal potential should be the most important task in anyone's life. His focus was not only on successful careers but also on the innumerable other factors that contribute towards the shaping of a personality. According to him, success was the ability to set and meet achievable targets, and then continuously raise the bar. He also quoted the following inspiring saying by Sri Sri Ravishankar: "Stretching sound is music, stretching music is dance, stre...

In 1975, the CEO of pharmaceutical giant Johnson&Johnson presented his executive team with exactly those challenges. He sent the team on a two-day retreat to discuss the founding document of their company, the J&J Credo, which had hung unheeded and yellowing on company walls for decades after it was penned by the company’s founder. The Credo outlines the company’s specific responsibilities to all its stakeholders, starting with its customers—the doctors, nurses, patients and mothers of sick children who buy the companies medicines—as well as its suppliers, employees, host communities and, finally, the company’s share owners. Toward the end of the meeting, one of J&J’s top executives summarized what he saw as the reality of corporate life. He said that being an executive in a large company was like being a circus juggler, attempting to keep five balls in the air simultaneously. Four of those balls were white (those representing customers, suppliers, employees and communiti...

BILL GATES' SPEECH TO MT. WHITNEY HIGH SCHOOL in Visalia, California. Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice. Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world. Rule 1: Life is not fair -- get used to it! Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both. Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger...

Yesterday started with the best of intentions. I walked into my office in the morning with a vague sense of what I wanted to accomplish. Then I sat down, turned on my computer, and checked my email. Two hours later, after fighting several fires, solving other people's problems, and dealing with whatever happened to be thrown at me through my computer and phone, I could hardly remember what I had set out to accomplish when I first turned on my computer. I'd been ambushed. And I know better. When I teach time management, I always start with the same question: How many of you have too much time and not enough to do in it? In ten years, no one has ever raised a hand. That means we start every day knowing we're not going to get it all done. So how we spend our time is a key strategic decision. That's why it's a good idea to create a to do list and an ignore list. The hardest attention to focus is our own. But even with those lists, the challenge, as always, is execution....

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university lecturer. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee. When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand. The lecturer said: "If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other's cups." "Now, if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hol...

Apparently the computer giant IBM decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project. In the specifications, they set out that they will accept only three defective parts per 10,000. When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter. "We, Japanese people, had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment in a separate packaging clearly mentioned 'defective pieces' as required, not for use. Hope this pleases you."

It was a rich country with many beautiful gardens. In one of the gardens a bamboo grove flourished. A tall and majestic bamboo stood in the middle. Its commanding appearance made it the cynosure of all those who visited the garden. The owner of the garden, whenever visited it, used to stand before the bamboo grove, especially viewing the tall bamboo with full of appreciation. He used to tell himself, “What a combination of strength, nobility, charm and grace!” The bamboo would gracefully move enjoying the wind. With the passage of time, the bamboo grew more and more commanding in form, and proud of the owner’s appreciation. When the wind is favorable, it would dance in joyous abandon. One day, the master came to the garden and stood before the bamboo. His eyes showed appreciation. But this time there was something more. There was an expectation too. The bamboo noticed the difference and became curious. The owner spoke to the bamboo with a tinge of sadness but his words were sure and ce...

A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark. A closed mind is like a closed book; just a block of wood. Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still. Behind an able man there are always other able men. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for the rest of his life. He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever. If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself. If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody. To walk only on sunny days is to never reach one’s destination. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. With time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown. You cannot prevent th...

A friend called on Michelangelo, who was finishing a statue. Sometime afterwards he called again. The sculptor was still at his work. His friend looking at the figure exclaimed, "You have been idle since I saw you last." "By no means," replied the sculptor, "I have retouched this part, and polished that. I have softened this feature, and brought out this muscle. I have given more expression to this lip, and more energy to this limb." "Well, well," said his friend, "but all these are trifles." "It may be so," replied Michelangelo, "but recollect that trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle."

Many years ago in a small Indian village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender.   The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful daughter. So he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag. 1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven. 2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven. 3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail. They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As they talked, the moneylen...

A Company decides to adopt Fridays as Casual Day and they issued a Memo to all department intimating the same. Week 1 Memo 1: Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice. Week 3 Memo 2: Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Week 6 Memo 3: Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. Week 8 Memo 4: A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory. Week 9 Memo No. 5: As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress. Week 14 Memo 6: The Casual Day Task Force has distributed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards." A copy has been distributed to every employee. Week 18 Memo 7: Company is providing psychological counseling for em...

1. Rule 1. - The Boss is always right. 2. Rule 2. - If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1. 3. Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks, and promotions. 4. Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down". The more intelligent a person, the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down. 5. If you are good, you will get all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it. 6.. When the Bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. 7. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you are going to do. 8. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt. 9. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. 11. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it... 12....

A German once visited a temple under construction where he saw a sculptor making an idol of God. Suddenly he noticed a similar idol lying nearby. Surprised, he asked the sculptor, "Do you need two statues of the same idol?" "No," said the sculptor without looking up, "We need only one, but the first one got damaged at the last stage." The gentleman examined the idol and found no apparent damage. "Where is the damage?" he asked. "There is a scratch on the nose of the idol." said the sculptor, still busy with his work. "Where are you going to install the idol?" The sculptor replied that it would be installed on a pillar twenty feet high. "If the idol is that far, who is going to know that there is a scratch on the nose?" the gentleman asked. The sculptor stopped his work, looked up at the gentleman, smiled and said, "I will know it."