Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

While treating an old farmer, the Doctor struck up a conversation with him...Eventually the topic got around to Rahul Gandhi and his role. The old farmer said, 'Well sahib, Rahul is a "Khambe ka Kachhua''... Not being familiar with the term, the Doctor asked him, what a "Khambe ka Kachhua'' was? The old farmer said, 'When you're walking down a village road and you come across a khamba (a fence post) with a turtle balanced on top... That's a "Khambe ka Kachhua''. The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued... "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function & you just wonder which idiots put him up there, to begin with."

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’ Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’ Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’ After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’ ‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies. ‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’ Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

The door bell rings in a flat and the woman alone in the house opens the door. Beggar, "Amma please give me something" Woman, "here take" Beggar, "please come out and give" Woman, "OK" Beggar, "Ha Ha Ha Ha I am Ravan" Woman, "Ha Ha Ha I  am not Sita, I am the kaamwali." Beggar, "Ha Ha ,even better, I still regret carrying away Sita, Mandodari will be happy, we want a maid. I am going to kidnap you." Woman, "Ha Ha Ha Only Ram came searching for Sita. If I am missing, ALL the people in the building will come searching for me..." Maid in India.

A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name." A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!" Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you." A lady calls the poli...

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'. The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?' The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'. ----------------------------------------------- A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.' Without ...

Principal to student..." I saw you yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette?" Class teacher once said: "Pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!" Once Hindi teacher said, "I'm going out of the world to America." "DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK." Don't laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down..... It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said, "Why is fan not oning?" (ing form of on) Teacher in a furious mood: "Write down ur name and father of ur name!!" "Shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college" My manager started like this: "Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids" "I'll illustrate what I have in my mind", said the professor and erased the board. "Will you hang that calendar or else I'll HANG MYSELF" LIBRAR...

A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.  Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because: 1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic ; 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you make ...

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you use to bite my neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going ?" she asked. "To get my teeth!"

Santa used to work in a saw-mill. He was in hospital after he lost his arm in an accident. Banta was visiting him in the hospital. Banta said, "It was really bad that you lost your hand. However thank God that it was your left hand, since you are right handed." Santa replied, "It is also because of my quick thinking. Actually it was the right hand which was going to be caught in the machine. Then I realized that I am right handed and so switched hands just in time!

Continuing my tryst with capturing the life and times of Nandan Nilekani in his new avatar as a Cabinet Minister, here is what he had penned after his first day in the Parliament. The last entry stopped when the House was just about to begin. Let's see what happened thereafter.... The House was in pin drop silence. I was brimming with anticipation and excitement!!!! Manmohan had informed me that my introduction was one of the important points of the agenda. I hoped that I will be able to make my speech properly. After so many interviews and conferences, I was nervous today!!!! After the Speaker indicated that the proceedings of the House could begin, Manmohan formally introduced me to the entire House. He mentioned that as the head of the Unique Identification Authority of India, I was responsible to ensure that each and every Indian had a digital smart card as a proof of his existence. Manmohan spoke about why I was selected and also some references to the various projects execute...

A Pakistani, a Bangladeshi and a Sardarji are sitting at a Pub in Bavaria drinking beer. The Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says 'In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice.' The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces... He says 'In Dhaka we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.' OUR Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi. He says   'In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice'. No offense.

In March 1992, a man living in Newtown near Boston, Massachusetts, received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away. In April, he received another bill in a similar fashion and hence he threw that one away too. The following month, the credit card company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his card if he didn't send them $0.00 by return of post. He called them and talked to them; they said it was a computer error and told him they'd take care of it. The following month, our hero decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome credit card figuring that if there were purchases on his account it would put an end to his ridiculous predicament. However, in the first store that he produced his credit card in payment for his purchases, he found that his card had been cancelled. He called the credit card company who apologized for the computer error once again and said that they woul...

Universal law of Love: "Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money " First law of Love: "A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. " Second law of Love: "The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. " Third law of Love: "The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping ."

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary !!! Dear Bo$$, In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding the need$ of u$. We are worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company. I am $ure you will gue$$what I meant and re$pond $oon. Your$$incerely, The next day, the employee received this letter of reply: Dear, I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOw a days, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticably well . NOw the newspapers are saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean . ---- YOur BOss.

Dear All,   The Centre for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.  This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).     If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!!   This virus will wipe out your private life entirely.  If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).  Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends.     If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange Officer: "May I see your driver's license?" Driver: "I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI." Officer: "May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?" Driver: "It's not my car. I stole it." Officer: "The car is stolen?" Driver: "That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there." Officer: "There's a gun in the glove box?" Driver: "Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk." Officer: "There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?" Driver: "Yes, sir." Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation: Captain: "...

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA : Here it is! TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS : Maria! __________________________________________________ TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank? FRANK : Because of the sign. TEACHER : What sign? FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." __________________________________________________   TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!

Actual conversation records from US law courts: Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?" Witness: "I only have one, you know." Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?" Witness: "By death." Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?" Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?" The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail. Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?" Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year?" Witness: "Every year." Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?" Witness: "There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet." Lawyer: "Can you identify the rifle?" Witness: "Yes. There was something written on the side of it." Lawyer: "And what did the writing say?" Witness: ...

Accident insurance claim forms ask for a brief statement about how the accident happened. The combination of the finger pointing instinct and the small spaces provided on the forms can lead to some curiously phrased explanations. "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car." "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention." "I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way." "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have." "I thought my window was down; but found it was up when I put my hand through it." "No one was to blame for the accident, but it never would have happened if the other driver had been alert." "The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him." "I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he boun...