Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

A small boy parks his bicycle nearby the Parliament house and walks on... A police constable stops him and asks: Why did you park your bicycle here? Don't you know about this road? Many MPs, sometimes CMs, even President and cabinet ministers and politicians pass from here... The boy replied innocently: Don't worry, I have locked my bicycle.

While treating an old farmer, the Doctor struck up a conversation with him...Eventually the topic got around to Rahul Gandhi and his role. The old farmer said, 'Well sahib, Rahul is a "Khambe ka Kachhua''... Not being familiar with the term, the Doctor asked him, what a "Khambe ka Kachhua'' was? The old farmer said, 'When you're walking down a village road and you come across a khamba (a fence post) with a turtle balanced on top... That's a "Khambe ka Kachhua''. The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued... "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function & you just wonder which idiots put him up there, to begin with."

One day all the employees reached the office and saw a big advice written on the door. Yesterday the person who has been stopping your growth in this company passed away. You are invited to join the funeral. In the beginning, they got sad for the death of one of their colleagues, but after a while they got curious to know who was the man who stopped their growth. Everyone thought: Well atleast the man who stopped my progress died! One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside they were speechless. They stood shocked in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul. There was a mirror inside the coffin and everyone who looked inside could see himself. There was a sign next to the mirror that read: There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth...It is you. You are the only person who can influence your happiness, success and realization. Your life does not change when your boss friends or company ...

Good story... One day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops-a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet height, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't need to pay!" and sat down at the back. Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was.! Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened-Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that and so forth.! This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and...

A new vacuum salesman knocked at the door…. A lady opened it. Before she could speak... The salesman rushed into the living room and emptied a bag of cow dung on the carpet. Salesman: - Madam, if I couldn't clean this up in the next 3 mins with my new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this!! Lady: Do you need Chili Sauce with that? Salesman: - Why Madam? Lady: - Because there's no electricity in the house...!!! MORAL: - "Gather all resources before working on any project and committing to the client... & over smartness can be deadly."..

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’ Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’ Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

An old soldier sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old combat jacket and boots and ordered a coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the soldier and asked, "Are you a real soldier?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life in jungles and mountains. I've taken part in several wars and insurgencies. I've taught more than 1000 officers and several thousand troops about combat. What are you?" She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women." The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old soldier and asked: "Are you a real soldier?" He replied, "I always thought I was. But I just ...

When I reached office, I got a call from my wife... "What is the date today?" I was wondering... then told her that it's 12th September. Call disconnected. I was wondering... Her birthday? No...mine...No... anniversary...no..son's birthday ...no...in laws birthday anniversary...no... Gas booking..done...Utility payments done... Her uncle who arrives when we want to go out, squash and kill us and our time... His birthday ...no... Then?! Why date??? Lunch and evening tea went with spinning questions. Reached home. Junior was playing in car park. I asked him, "How is the weather in kitchen? Tornado... tsunami?" Boy told, "All normal. Why?" I said, "Your mom asked me... what is the date today in the morning?" Boy smiled and told me, "I tore some sheets from calendar in morning. She was confused."

A handsome Saudi was sitting in a restaurant at the corner seat. He asked a waiter to take the most expensive bottle of Wine to a very attractive woman sitting alone at a table in the other corner. Waiter brought in the elitist wine bottle & took the bottle to the woman and said, "Excuse me mam, this precious bottle is from that gentleman who is seated over there." And then indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the bottle coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by note. The waiter, who was staying nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a BMW in your garage, a house in Spain, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants.' After reading the note, the Saudi decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver i...

एक बार राजा के दरबार मै एक फ़कीर गाना गाने जाता है फ़कीर बहुत अच्छा गाना गाता है। राजा कहते हैं इसे खूब सारा सोना दे दो। फ़कीर और अच्छा गाता है। राजा कहते हैं इसे हीरे जवाहरात भी दे दो। फकीर और अच्छा गाता है।राजा कहते हैं इसे असरफियाँ भी दे दो। फ़कीर और अच्छा गाता है।राजा कहते हैं इसे खूब सारी ज़मीन भी दे दो। फ़कीर गाना गा कर घर चला जाता है। और अपने बीबी बच्चों से कहता है आज  हमारे राजा  ने गाने का खूब सारा इनाम दिया। हीरे जवाहरात सोना ज़मीन असरफियाँ बहुत कुछ दिया। सब बहुत खुश होते हैं। कुछ दिन बीते ; फ़कीर को अभी तक राजा द्वारा मिलने वाला इनाम नही पहुँचा था । फ़कीर राजा के दरवार में फिर पहुँचा और कहने लगा, "राजाजी आप के द्वारा दिया गया इनाम मुझे अभी तक नहीं मिला।" राजा कहते हैं, "अरे फ़कीर, ये लेन देन की बात क्या करता है। तू मेरे कानों को खुश करता रहा और मैं तेरे कानों  को खुश करता रहा।"

After a tiring day, a young lady settled down in her local train seat and closed her eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her, pulled out his mobile and started talking in a loud voice "Hi Sweetheart, it's Rajaram I'm on the train." "Yes, I know it's six thirty and not four thirty, but I had a long meeting." "No honey, I was not with Preethi from the Accounts Office, I was with the boss attending the meeting." "No Sweetheart, you're the only one in my life." "Yes, I'm sure dear." Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly. When the young woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone, "Rajaram darling, hang up the phone and come back to bed." Now, Rajaram is back from hospital and doesn't use his mobile in public any longer.

A genie appeared in the dream of a woman. "Whatever you want, just ask", it said. "My husband’s eyes should be only on me during all waking hours." "And then ..?" "He should not be concerned with anything else in life except me." "And then?" "He should never sleep without me by his side." "And then ..?" "When he wakes up in the morning he should only see my face first." "And then ..?" "He should not go anywhere without me." "And then ..?" "If there is even a single scratch on me, he should go crazy with grief." "And then ..?" "That's it." And, bingo, the genie turned the woman into a IPhone!

I took an auto from the town, to the medical college where my friend's mother is admitted. As I was suffering from back-pain, I asked the auto rickshaw driver,who was a pretty young boy to ride it smoothly as I am suffering from back-pain. Though I was expecting some rude reply (like how it usually is), he replied, "Okay sir" in a gentle voice and kept his word. Upon reaching destination, I asked him, "How much?" And in return he pointed me to a box kept near to his seat and replied "Put anything that you think is satisfactory for this ride." I got confused for a minute and then I saw a label over the box. It read - "Donation for the poor and needy patients". Meanwhile, the security personnel rushed to us asking us to move the vehicle from the front side. But upon seeing the autorickshaw driver, the watchman smiled and said, "Namaskar Sir". Both of them smiled at each other and the auto driver left. Upon anxiety, I asked t...

In 1998, Kodak had 170,000 employees and sold 85% of all photo paper worldwide. Within just a few years, their business model disappeared and they got bankrupt. What happened to Kodak will happen in a lot of industries in the next 10 year - and most people don't see it coming. Did you think in 1998 that 3 years later you would never take pictures on paper film again? Yet digital cameras were invented in 1975. The first ones only had 10,000 pixels, but followed Moore's law. So as with all exponential technologies, it was a disappointment for a long time, before it became way superiour and got mainstream in only a few short years. It will now happen with Artificial Intelligence, health, autonomous and electric cars, education, 3D printing, agriculture and jobs. Welcome to the 4th Industrial Revolution. Welcome to the Exponential Age. Software will disrupt most traditional industries in the next 5-10 years. Uber is just a software tool, they don't own any cars, and a...

The door bell rings in a flat and the woman alone in the house opens the door. Beggar, "Amma please give me something" Woman, "here take" Beggar, "please come out and give" Woman, "OK" Beggar, "Ha Ha Ha Ha I am Ravan" Woman, "Ha Ha Ha I  am not Sita, I am the kaamwali." Beggar, "Ha Ha ,even better, I still regret carrying away Sita, Mandodari will be happy, we want a maid. I am going to kidnap you." Woman, "Ha Ha Ha Only Ram came searching for Sita. If I am missing, ALL the people in the building will come searching for me..." Maid in India.

Original Story: The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away. Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. Indian Version: The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Arundhati Roy st...

A 50- something year old white woman arrived at her seat on a crowded flight and immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to a black man. Disgusted, the woman immediately summoned the flight attendant and demanded a new seat. The woman said "I cannot sit here next to this black man." The fight attendant said "Let me see if I can find another seat." After checking, the flight attendant returned and stated "Ma'am, there are no more seats in economy, but I will check with the captain and see if there is something in first class." About 10 minutes went by and the flight attendant returned and stated "The captain has confirmed that there are no more seats in economy, but there is one in first class. It is our company policy to never move a person from economy to first class, but being that it would be some sort of scandal to force a person to sit next to an UNPLEASANT person, the captain agreed to make the switch to first class."...

A farmer had only one horse. One day, his horse ran away. All the neighbors came by saying, “I'm so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said, “We'll see.” A few days later, his horse came back with twenty wild horses. The man and his son corraled all 21 horses. All the neighbors came by saying, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!” The man just said, “We'll see.” One of the wild horses kicked the man's only son, breaking both his legs. All the neighbors came by saying, “I'm so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said, “We'll see.” The country went to war, and every able-bodied young man was drafted to fight. The war was terrible and killed every young man, but the farmer's son was spared, since his broken legs prevented him from being drafted. All the neighbors came by saying, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!” The man just said...

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi-million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed. He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases. On the 2nd day she had to movers come and collect her things. On the 3rd day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished she went into each and every room and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly the house began to smell. They tried everything cle...

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn’t already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned round to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, “Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I’m eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?” I laughed and enthusiastically responded, “Of course you may!” and she gave me a giant squeeze. “Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?” I asked. She jokingly replied, “I’m here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids…” “No seriously,” I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. “I always dreamed of having a college education and now I’m getting one!” she told me. After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three month...