Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

When I reached office, I got a call from my wife... "What is the date today?" I was wondering... then told her that it's 12th September. Call disconnected. I was wondering... Her birthday? No...mine...No... anniversary...no..son's birthday ...no...in laws birthday anniversary...no... Gas booking..done...Utility payments done... Her uncle who arrives when we want to go out, squash and kill us and our time... His birthday ...no... Then?! Why date??? Lunch and evening tea went with spinning questions. Reached home. Junior was playing in car park. I asked him, "How is the weather in kitchen? Tornado... tsunami?" Boy told, "All normal. Why?" I said, "Your mom asked me... what is the date today in the morning?" Boy smiled and told me, "I tore some sheets from calendar in morning. She was confused."

If a man is allowed to select a girl from 100 girls . and even if he picks the most beautiful girl, . . he still FEELS the PAIN of losing the remaining NINETY NINE... . . . and Women says... men don't have FEELINGS..   -----------@@@@@@----------- Baith kar mehbuba ki Baho me Aisa JosH Aaya.. . . Wah! Wah! Wah!! Wah!! . . Baith kar mehbuba ki Baho me Aisa JosH Aaya... Phirrrrr...? Phir kya.! Biwi Ne Dekh Liya aur ICU Me Hosh Aaya.. -----------@@@@@@----------- Wife = Where R u.? Husband = I'm At "Bank" . Wife  = Wow thats good  I need 20,000  For new  Cell Phone  ,5,000  for new dress , 6000 for new shoes, 4000 for new purse, 8000 for my new cosmetics Husband  Sorry , I mean I am at Blood bank "KHOON PIYEGI KHOON ?"🍷🍷🍷 🍷                 ...

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi-million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed. He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases. On the 2nd day she had to movers come and collect her things. On the 3rd day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished she went into each and every room and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly the house began to smell. They tried everything cle...

A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name." A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!" Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you." A lady calls the poli...

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers : 'Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?' The husband laughs and says: 'An Italian girl !!!' The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: 'So, honey, how was the trip?' 'Very good, thank you.' 'And, what happened to my present?' 'Which present?' She asked. 'The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!' 'Oh, that' she said 'Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!' Source: http://resumeitblog.blogspot.com/2010/11/joke-italian-girl.html

Rupa was about to leave office after finishing her work. She got a call from her husband Kartik, Rupa: "Hello, yes Kartik". Kartik: "Rupa, can you open my gmail and get a print out of the mail from that US Consultant I forgot to take it in my office" Rupa: "Yes, I can, I need your password" Kartik: "jeni22091980" Rupa: "Ok fine" She takes the print out and logs out. Some thought struck her mind now. JENI happens to be his college mate. Hmmm... She decides not to discuss this with Kartik. She simply opens her own mail box and changes the password from "mohan143" to "karthik1976" and leaves for home! MORAL OF THE STORY: Change your password! NOW!

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. “Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.” The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.” The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, “That’s really not so bad.” When her two daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, “New house, new madam, new girls.” The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised. Moments later, the woman’s husband ‘Keith’ came home from work. T...

Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women? Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

My husband is S/W Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite; his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce. "Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought. My feeling of disappointment only increased. Here was a man w...

A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race come about?' The Mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made.' A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them.' The confused girl returns to her mother and says, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and Papa says we developed from monkeys?' The Mother answers, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side.'

Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?" Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems." X asked, "Can you explain?" Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions." Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples" Y said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it." X asked, "Then what is your role?" Y said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar sho...

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum: Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy? I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough. I'm here humbly to ask a few questions: 1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym) 2) Which age gro...

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question.... WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house." WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?" HUSBAND: ...

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies. The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?" "Yes! I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued. "Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you t...