Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

The bartender asked Georg Ohm what had happened, but Ohm resisted giving any answer. Meanwhile, Gustav Hertz was having such a great time, that he promised to return in the future at a much greater frequency. Robert Boyce commented that he thought everyone was under too much pressure to come up with an answer to what was happening. Erwin Shroedinger tried to explain that in the absence of an observer, Decartes left but at the same time did not leave. But Alexander Volta disagreed stating there was a potential difference between his staying or going. James Watt had had a bad day and said he had come in just to let off a little steam. Charles Darwin refused to take a stand on the days events as he was waiting to see what would evolve. Thomas Edison stated that he found the whole thing illuminating. Andre Ampere helped the bartender ascertain that all the statements were kept current.

There was a Japanese who went to India for sightseeing. On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the Airport.During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan !!!. After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi and again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!” And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!” The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was 800 rupees. !!!! The Japanese exclaimed, “What??… so expensive!” There upon, the driver yelled back, “Meter, Made in India VERY VERY FAST !!!!!

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. “Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.” The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.” The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, “That’s really not so bad.” When her two daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, “New house, new madam, new girls.” The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised. Moments later, the woman’s husband ‘Keith’ came home from work. T

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll. Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look around.. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. 'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.' I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. 'No,

Santa : O Banno Car ki speed itani kyo badha di..? Biwi : Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, accident ho jaye iske pehele ghar pahunch jaate hai. ---------------------------------------------------- Santa & Banta were fighting after exam. Sir: Y r u fighting? Santa : This fool left the answer sheet blank, Sir: So what? Santa: Even I did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied. ---------------------------------------------------- Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho? Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.

Rabri Devi died and went to hell. As she stood infront of Yamaraj, she saw a huge wall clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" Yamarj replied, "Those are Lie Clocks.Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie,the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said Rabri, "Who's clock is that?" "That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie." "And whose clock is that?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life". Rabri asked, "Where is my Laloo's clock?" "Laloo's clock is in my office, replied Yamaraj, " I am using it as a ceiling fan."

Q. What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE? A. Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai...... Doosri bigadti hai to 'SHUROO' ho jati hai. Q. Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai. A. Man : Hoga, zarur hoga; 25 saal se mera khoon jo pee rahi hai. Q. What's the similarity between MOBILE and MARRIAGE ? A. In both cases you feel 'aur thoda ruk jata to accha model milta'.

Milka Singh's father gives him a revolver with 2 bullets on Milka's Suhag raat (honey moon). Father tells "Son, shoot the girl if she is not a virgin, shoot in the air if she is a virgin". Milka shoots in the air first night. Second night, Milka shoots the girl since she is not virgin anymore. Ram nam sathya hai.

Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine" He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d compliment" Once a Sardar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so? He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot. Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar , where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?" The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pi

Most of us in the IT field, used to do one thing before leaving for the day from office, Press Ctrl+Alt+ Del and leave to home happily. That means your PC is still on. One normal PC in the sleeping mode (Hibernation) will consume 35 watts/hr. Based on this we will do a small calculation. For one week 24 * 7 = 168 hrs of this if we consider that we are working for 68 hours, and then the PC is in sleeping mode for 100 Hrs a week. For one month 4 * 100 = 400 hrs In a normal IT office, if we assume approximately 250 PCs are there, 250 * 400 = 1,00,000 hrs (Sleeping Mode). So the power wasted in an office in a month is, 100000 * 35 = 3500 KWH or units. If the charge per unit is Indian Rs. 6, then totally the wastage value is approximately 21000 Indian rupees. Here the sad thing is not the money loss to the company but the power loss to the country. Apart from the loss to the country we need to think of the efforts people are putting for producing the power in the Mines, Thermal Stations, Hy

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking prob

This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel. He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough, and goes over and jumps out the window. Now, there are two men who are sitting at a window table, and having that natural human curiosity about the grotesque, watch as this man plummets to certain death. However, just as he is about to hit the ground, he rights himself, pulls his feet underneath himself, and lands gracefully. He then turns and comes back into the building. Naturally, the two men are amazed. The guy comes back into the bar, orders a few drinks, then repeats the process. The two men at the window seat are astounded! When the guy returns and repeats the procedure AGAIN, the two men stop him before he jumps and ask him how on earth he does that. He replies "It's simple, really. There's an air vent down by the ground, and if you catch the updraft, you can right yourself and land on the ground with

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender: MALE PROCEDURE 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. FEMALE PROCEDURE 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine. 3. Set parking brake, put the window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up. 6. Attempt to inse

There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife." So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him. Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket." "Yes,

A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can hav

A simple man tells how his booking an air ticket for his father, his first flight, brought emotions and made him realize that how much we all take for granted when it comes to our parents. My parents left for our native place on Thursday and we went to the airport to see them off. In fact, my father had never traveled by air before, so I just took this opportunity to make him experience the same. In spite of being asked to book tickets by train, I got them tickets on Lufthansa. The moment I handed over the tickets to him, he was surprised to see that I had booked them by air. The excitement was very apparent on his face, waiting for the time of travel. Just like a school boy, he was preparing himself on that day and we all went to the airport, right from using the trolley for his luggage, the baggage check-in and asking for window seat and waiting restlessly for the security check-in to happen. He was thoroughly enjoying himself and I, too, was overcome with joy watching him experien

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy Donkey = eat + sleep Therefore, Human = Donkey + work + enjoy Therefore, Human - enjoy = Donkey + work In other words, Human that don't enjoy = Donkey that work ============ ========= Equation 2 Men = eat + sleep + earn money Donkeys = eat + sleep Therefore, Men = Donkeys + earn money Therefore, Men - earn money = Donkeys In other words, Men that don't earn money = Donkeys ============ ========= Equation 3 Women = eat + sleep + spend Donkeys = eat + sleep Therefore, Women = Donkeys + spend Therefore, Women - spend = Donkeys In other words, Women that don't spend = Donkeys ============ ========= To Conclude: From Equation 2 and Equation 3 Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend. So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1) And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2) So, we have? Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money Therefore from Postulates 1 and 2, we can con

Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women? Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

My husband is S/W Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite; his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce. "Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought. My feeling of disappointment only increased. Here was a man w