Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?" The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the author. Here's the answer. Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love. People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.” Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened to you. Falling in love is a passive and sponta...

Dear friends, What is happening in malls. Apart from prices of movie and parking being exorbitant, what was too shocking and alarming was the cost of popcorn. Popcorn being charged at 100, 200 and 300 rupees. The actual cost of these pack of popcorn should be not more than 5 rupees. Even after considering the various other costs involved, they can charge at 20 rupees, or 30 rupees, but why more than 300% of the cost. When the matter was took up, the vendor said, as long as we have takers, we will charge. Why are we wasting our hard earned money and make these buggers rich? Let's curb the temptation and let's boycott this popcorn and teach them a lesson. One average show at one screen has at least 500 people and if 300 people buy this popcorn they make easily 25 to 30000 rupees in one show in one screen, you will be shocked to know that this money runs in lakhs per day per show in just one city. Come on friends lets voice it up, if we stop buying popcorn at malls, ...

One of the best msgs ever read... Sharing it with you guys... How I wish I could remove some lemon juice from water to make it taste perfect again! But alas! Some things can never be undone. Some things can never be changed. There was no way that I know of, to remove the extra lime. So what was the solution then? The only way to correct this was to add four more glasses of water and dilute the lemon juice to make five glasses of fresh lime water. This made me think.. Sometimes we cannot undo some things that have gone wrong in life. Some wrong decisions, wrong choices, wrong investments, wrong actions, wrong associations, wrong words or wrong doings can never be undone. So what is the solution then? When you cannot correct what is wrong, do not waste more time over it. It is like attempting to remove lemon from water. Instead, get busy in adding so many right things in your life that the wrong seems insignificant. We all have a negative side to ourselves. We may not be able to ...

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin. Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoc...

An Indian tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotic, he notices a very lifelike, Life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, But is so striking he decides he must have it. He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?" "Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the Story,"says the owner. The tourist gives the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story." As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, He notices that a few real rats crawl out of the alleys and sewers and begin following him down the street. This is disconcerting; he begins walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind Him grows to hundreds, and they begin squealing. He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and are still Squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Concerned, even scared, he r...

In 1871, Mark Twain was born as Samuel Langhorne Clemens in Florida, Missouri, U.S. He was a writer, and lecturer. He was called the “greatest American humorist of his age.” He wrote the now classic novels, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. He wrote some great stuff that is still read by millions today. He also had some great quotes that continue to live on because of the wisdom in them. Mark Twain was a funny, witty, and wise guy. I hope the below quotes will astonish, enlighten, and amuse you. 1. "I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened." We walk around all our lives thinking about things that will never happen. We worry, dread, and fear what hasn’t happened and what probably never will. Our minds are out of control. Our heads are filled with negative thoughts that have no bearing in reality, even if we think they do. Eliminating bad thoughts is possible, through methods such as EFT and Th...

A 24 year boy seeing out from the train window and shouted, "Dad , look the trees are going behind" Dad smiled. A young couple sitting nearby, looked at the 24 year old's childish behavior with pity. Suddenly he again said, "Dad, look the clouds are running with us!!" The couple Couldn’t resist and said to the old man, "Why don’t you take your son to a good doctor?" The old man smiled and said, "I did it & we are just coming from the hospital, my son was blind from birth, he just got his eyes today". Moral of the story Don’t jump 2 a conclusion directly. Bcoz what you see is most probably not the truth!

AT THE ANNUAL CONVOCATION 2004 OF THE INDIAN INSTITUTE OF MANAGEMENT AT KOLKATA AT 2-15 PM ON APRIL 3, 2004 ON “CONTINUOUS TRANSFORMATION”. Distinguished Director and faculty of IIM- Kolkata, Guests, and my young friendsI am very happy to be with you this afternoon. Indian Institute of Management – Calcutta is one the earliest management colleges of higher learning to be set up in the country. The pioneering spirit continues even after IIM-C has transformed itself into a world class institution. In your two years here, you must have experienced the enormous change in your own understanding of business and management. Graduation is not the end but the beginning of learning and change. I have found that people who succeed most in their careers are those who can constantly transform themselves. Transformation is not so much a process, as a deep seated desire to change ourselves and our environment. Based on my own experience, I would like to share with you my thoughts on how to make con...

There comes a day in everyone's life, when it is time to retrospect on past happenings, and at the same time, look into the future. For the students of XIMB, the Foundation Day on October 14th is such an occasion. This year, Mr. Ashok Soota, the Chairman of Mindtree Consulting, delivered the Foundation Day lecture and ensured that the occasion was memorable for one and all. The topic of this year's lecture was "Realizing Your Personal Potential". Mr. Soota started by saying that the realization of one's personal potential should be the most important task in anyone's life. His focus was not only on successful careers but also on the innumerable other factors that contribute towards the shaping of a personality. According to him, success was the ability to set and meet achievable targets, and then continuously raise the bar. He also quoted the following inspiring saying by Sri Sri Ravishankar: "Stretching sound is music, stretching music is dance, stre...

1. If swimming is a good exercise to stay fit, then Why WHALES are fat? 2. Why is that everyone wants to go to HEAVEN but nobody wants to die? 3. Shall I say that there is racial discrimination in CHESS as WHITE piece is moved first? 4. In our Country, we have freedom for SPEECH, then Why telephone bills? 5. If MONEY does'nt grow on tress then Why do BANKS have branches? 6. Why does a round PIZZA come in a SQUARE box? 7. Why does'nt GLUE stick to its bottle? 8. Why do you still call it a BUILDING when its already BUILT? 9. If its true that WE are here to help others, then what OTHERS are here for? 10. If you are'nt supposed to DRINK AND DRIVE, then Why do BARS have parking lots? 11. We are funny people living in a SERIOUSLY funny world!

So you want to be more creative, in art, in business, whatever. Here are some tips that have worked for me over the years. 1. Ignore everybody. 2. The idea doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be yours. 3. Put the hours in. 4. If your biz plan depends on you suddenly being “discovered” by some big shot, your plan will probably fail. 5. You are responsible for your own experience. 6. Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten. 7. Keep your day job. 8. Companies that squelch creativity can no longer compete with companies that champion creativity. 9. Everybody has their own private Mount Everest they were put on this earth to climb. 10. The more talented somebody is, the less they need the props. 11. Don’t try to stand out from the crowd; avoid crowds altogether. 12. If you accept the pain, it cannot hurt you. 13. Never compare your inside with somebody else’s outside. 14. Dying young is overrated. 15. The most important ...

When you are in office your boss always say you something. Sometimes good and sometimes bad. But you have to develop a skill to know what he is trying to say. Below is a quick guide that will help you understand the hidden meaning of your boss' statements. 1.”We will do it” means “You will do it” 2.”You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you” 3.”We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the same” 4.”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done “At least not tomorrow!” 5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means “I have already decided, I will tell you what to do” 6.”There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied” 7.”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “I have no time now, will talk later” 8.”We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time” 9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “The projec...

In 1975, the CEO of pharmaceutical giant Johnson&Johnson presented his executive team with exactly those challenges. He sent the team on a two-day retreat to discuss the founding document of their company, the J&J Credo, which had hung unheeded and yellowing on company walls for decades after it was penned by the company’s founder. The Credo outlines the company’s specific responsibilities to all its stakeholders, starting with its customers—the doctors, nurses, patients and mothers of sick children who buy the companies medicines—as well as its suppliers, employees, host communities and, finally, the company’s share owners. Toward the end of the meeting, one of J&J’s top executives summarized what he saw as the reality of corporate life. He said that being an executive in a large company was like being a circus juggler, attempting to keep five balls in the air simultaneously. Four of those balls were white (those representing customers, suppliers, employees and communiti...

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate. But if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. Practice makes perfect ... But nobody's perfect ... so why practice? If it's true that we are here to help others. Then what exactly are the others here for? Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak. One should love animals. They are so tasty. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. The wise never marry. And when they marry they become otherwise. Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. "Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep . There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning "Hard work never killed anybody." But why take the risk? "Work fascinates me" I can look at it for hou...

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there were a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The...

In science we are really good at disproving things and are very poor at proving things. Theories like the Theory of Relativity go on and on because no one can think of anything better. We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming. The first pull on the cord ALWAYS sends the drapes in the wrong direction. Whenever a system becomes completely defined, someone discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition. When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong. The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake. The chance of the bread falling with the butter side down is directly proportional to the ...

I feel that the following is information that any one who uses a microwave oven to heat water should be made aware of. A 26-year old man decided to have a cup of coffee. He took a cup of water and put it in the microwave to heat it up (something that he had done numerous times before). I am not sure how long he set the timer for, but he wanted to bring the water to a boil. When the timer shut the oven off, he removed the cup from the oven. As he looked into the cup, he noted that the water was not boiling, but suddenly the water in the cup "blew up" into his face. The cup remained intact until he threw it out of his hand, but all the water had flown out into his face due to the build up of energy. His whole face is blistered and he has 1st and 2nd degree burns to his face which may leave scarring.  He also may have lost partial sight in his left eye. While at the hospital, the doctor who was attending to him stated that this is a fairly common occurrence and water (alone) s...

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastro-enterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber and the I.R.S. May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise. May New Year's Eve find you seated around the table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends. May you find the food better, the environment quieter, the cost much cheaper, and the pleasure more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night. May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them. May someone love you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues. May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may the commercials on TV n...

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again! Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We don't remember dates. . . .Period!! Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your d...

“Even if there is nothing to laugh about, laugh on credit.” - Anonymous There may be more to the lyric “Put on a Happy Face” than just a catchy tune — putting on a happy face is absolutely good for you, and those around you. For hundreds of years, it has been acknowledged that “Laughter is the best Medicine”. Breakthrough scientific research is shedding new light on the physiological beneficial effects of humor on health. Laughter can come in handy, whether it’s for dealing with an illness, the pressures of daily living, stress, coping at work even, laughter can dramatically change the quality and outlook of our lives. And laughing makes us feel good for a reason. The physiological effects on our body do some pretty amazing stunts. Here are some examples: 1. Manage your hormones. Laughter reduces the level of stress hormones like cortisol, epinephrine, adrenaline, dopamine and growth hormone. It also increases the level of health-enhancing hormones like endorphins, and ne...