Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

1. If swimming is a good exercise to stay fit, then Why WHALES are fat? 2. Why is that everyone wants to go to HEAVEN but nobody wants to die? 3. Shall I say that there is racial discrimination in CHESS as WHITE piece is moved first? 4. In our Country, we have freedom for SPEECH, then Why telephone bills? 5. If MONEY does'nt grow on tress then Why do BANKS have branches? 6. Why does a round PIZZA come in a SQUARE box? 7. Why does'nt GLUE stick to its bottle? 8. Why do you still call it a BUILDING when its already BUILT? 9. If its true that WE are here to help others, then what OTHERS are here for? 10. If you are'nt supposed to DRINK AND DRIVE, then Why do BARS have parking lots? 11. We are funny people living in a SERIOUSLY funny world!

So you want to be more creative, in art, in business, whatever. Here are some tips that have worked for me over the years. 1. Ignore everybody. 2. The idea doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be yours. 3. Put the hours in. 4. If your biz plan depends on you suddenly being “discovered” by some big shot, your plan will probably fail. 5. You are responsible for your own experience. 6. Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten. 7. Keep your day job. 8. Companies that squelch creativity can no longer compete with companies that champion creativity. 9. Everybody has their own private Mount Everest they were put on this earth to climb. 10. The more talented somebody is, the less they need the props. 11. Don’t try to stand out from the crowd; avoid crowds altogether. 12. If you accept the pain, it cannot hurt you. 13. Never compare your inside with somebody else’s outside. 14. Dying young is overrated. 15. The most important

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that. " The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many." The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way.. " The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."

When you are in office your boss always say you something. Sometimes good and sometimes bad. But you have to develop a skill to know what he is trying to say. Below is a quick guide that will help you understand the hidden meaning of your boss' statements. 1.”We will do it” means “You will do it” 2.”You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you” 3.”We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the same” 4.”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done “At least not tomorrow!” 5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means “I have already decided, I will tell you what to do” 6.”There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied” 7.”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “I have no time now, will talk later” 8.”We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time” 9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “The projec

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street. The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him

In 1975, the CEO of pharmaceutical giant Johnson&Johnson presented his executive team with exactly those challenges. He sent the team on a two-day retreat to discuss the founding document of their company, the J&J Credo, which had hung unheeded and yellowing on company walls for decades after it was penned by the company’s founder. The Credo outlines the company’s specific responsibilities to all its stakeholders, starting with its customers—the doctors, nurses, patients and mothers of sick children who buy the companies medicines—as well as its suppliers, employees, host communities and, finally, the company’s share owners. Toward the end of the meeting, one of J&J’s top executives summarized what he saw as the reality of corporate life. He said that being an executive in a large company was like being a circus juggler, attempting to keep five balls in the air simultaneously. Four of those balls were white (those representing customers, suppliers, employees and communiti

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate. But if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. Practice makes perfect ... But nobody's perfect ... so why practice? If it's true that we are here to help others. Then what exactly are the others here for? Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak. One should love animals. They are so tasty. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. The wise never marry. And when they marry they become otherwise. Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. "Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep . There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning "Hard work never killed anybody." But why take the risk? "Work fascinates me" I can look at it for hou

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there were a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. Since then I've changed my will three times!"

A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband’s home in a traditional manner. She was asked to give a little speech. She addressed as follows: “My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family“, she said “Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences by my being here. I mean that I don’t want you all to change your way of life, your routine.“ “What do you mean my child?” asked the father What I mean dad is: Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them. Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it. Those who cooked shouldn’t stop on my account. Those who used to clean should clean. As for me, I am here just to control your son!

A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name." A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!" Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you." A lady calls the poli

In science we are really good at disproving things and are very poor at proving things. Theories like the Theory of Relativity go on and on because no one can think of anything better. We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming. The first pull on the cord ALWAYS sends the drapes in the wrong direction. Whenever a system becomes completely defined, someone discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition. When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong. The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake. The chance of the bread falling with the butter side down is directly proportional to the

I feel that the following is information that any one who uses a microwave oven to heat water should be made aware of. A 26-year old man decided to have a cup of coffee. He took a cup of water and put it in the microwave to heat it up (something that he had done numerous times before). I am not sure how long he set the timer for, but he wanted to bring the water to a boil. When the timer shut the oven off, he removed the cup from the oven. As he looked into the cup, he noted that the water was not boiling, but suddenly the water in the cup "blew up" into his face. The cup remained intact until he threw it out of his hand, but all the water had flown out into his face due to the build up of energy. His whole face is blistered and he has 1st and 2nd degree burns to his face which may leave scarring.  He also may have lost partial sight in his left eye. While at the hospital, the doctor who was attending to him stated that this is a fairly common occurrence and water (alone) s