Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits. The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation: The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn? The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn." "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now." replied boy. The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn. The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach , Florida ." Again the woman answered in the negative. With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all, walked over to the boy and

kisi ka error, kisi ki exception, kisi ka bug, kisi ki tension, yahaan pe programmer ki har khushi, rupaiya hai ya dollar hai ya pound, hey server down, down...... hey server down, down...... hmmm kitna kitna, kitna kaafi hai kisko bolo uske jitna, apni salary ko aise tolo sabka dharam, ki kam na ho rakam, aare sapnon mein sikko ka sound, hey server down, down....>hey server down, down.... (la la la la....)oh yeah chikni, chikni, meri noto ki chamdi chikni tikni, tikni project hai inke dum pe bikni skill hai naram, to khayega zakham, tera bug tester ka found, hey server down, down.... hey server down, down.... kisi ka error, kisi ki exception, kisi ka bug, kisi ki tension, yahaan pe programmer ki har khushi, rupaiya hai ya dollar hai ya pound, hey server down, down......>hey server down, down...... Technorati : developer , software , song

Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of them died. Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death. He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN. But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL. Laloo is not at all happy with this decision. He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. Then why the differential treatment? He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived notions. Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test. PVNR is asked to spell "INDIA" and he does it correctly. Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND" and he too passes. It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to

One boy raised his hand and stood up; Bush: whats your name John: john Bush: whats your question Johm: sir I have three questions 1) why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO 2) where is osama 3) why does America support Pakistan so much Bush: you are an intelligent student john….(just then the bell for recess rang) Oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over. After the recess Bush: ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any question? Peter raises his hand Bush :Whats your name? Peter : sir I have 5 questions. 1) why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO 2) where is osama 3) why do America support Pakistan so much 4) why did recess bell rang 20 mins before the scheduled time 5) where is JOHN? Technorati : America , Bush , Osama , Pakistan

1. There is a man who lives on the top floor of a very tall building. Everyday he gets the elevator down to the ground floor to leave the building to go to work.Upon returning from work though, he can only travel half way up in the lift and has to walk the rest of the way unless it's raining! Why? (This is probably the best known and most celebrated of all lateral thinking puzzles. It is a true classic. Although there are many possible solutions which fit the initial conditions, only the canonical answer is truly satisfying. ) 2. A man and his son are in a car accident. The father dies on the scene, but the child is rushed to the hospital. When he arrives the surgeon says, "I can't operate on this boy, he is my son! " How can this be? 3. A man is wearing black. Black shoes, socks, trousers, lumper, gloves and balaclava. He is walking down a black street with all the street lamps off. A black car is coming towards him with its light off but somehow manages to stop in t

TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water? PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO ! "!! TEACHER : What are you talking about? PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O ! ***************** TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America. PAPPU : Here it is! TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? CLASS : PAPPU! ***************** TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"? PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L" TEACHER : No, that's wrong PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it! ***************** TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I". PAPPU : I is... TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am." PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." ***************** TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of " COINCIDENCE?" PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time." ***************** TEACHER : "George Washington not only cho

Bengali One Bengali = poet. Two Bengalis = a film society. Three Bengalis = political party. Four Bengalis = two political parties. More than four Bengali's = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Team. Bihari One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav. Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad. Three Biharis = caste killing. Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna. Punjabi One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky. Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky. Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds. Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one. Mallu One Mallu = coconut stall. Two Mallus = a boat race. Three Mallus = Gulf job racket. Four Mallus = oil slick. UP Bhaiyya One UP bhaiyya = a milkman. Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop. Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly. Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad. Gujju One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train. Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train. Three Gujjus = Bombay's noisiest re

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realise you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, an

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door. Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet. "Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s...!" exclaimed the eager salesman. "Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that?" asked the lady. The bewildered salesman asked, " Why, madam?" "There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady. MORAL: Gather all resources before working on any project...!!! Technorati : resources , salesman , vacuum cleaner

Subrato Bagchi is founder of Mindtree Consulting. He is a great ideologist, revolutionary in thots, and you can find his weekly column in "Business World" magazine. Address by Subroto Bagchi (a man who was vice- president for Lucent Technologies and Wipro with just a Political science degree from Utkal University ) Chief Operating Officer, Mind Tree consulting to the Class of 2006 at the IIM, Bangalore on defining success. I was the last child of a small-time government servant, in a family of five brothers. My earliest memory of my father is as that of a District Employment Officer in Koraput, Orissa. It was, and remains as back of beyond as you can imagine. There was no electricity; no primary school nearby and water did not flow out of a tap. As a result, I did not go to school until the age of eight; I was home-schooled. My father used to get transferred every year. The family belongings fit into the back of a jeep - so the family moved from place to place and without any

You will enjoy only if you know 'Ramayana' :( One day, Mickey Mouse asks Donald Duck to tell him Ramayana. Donald duck is impressed and starts reading verses from Ramayana. Mickey Mouse continues to listen. After completing the whole Ramayan, Donald Duck lets out a big sigh and asks Mickey Mouse, "Mickey Mouse, tell me...who was the father of Lord Ram?" Mickey Mouse cannot... Angry, Donald duck, again asks, " Mickey Mouse!!! tell me... what was the capital of Ram's kingdom!" Mickey Mouse cannot answer again. Infuriated, Donald Duck kicks Mickey Mouse hard, and Mickey Mouse goes and collides with a wall. As soon as he collides with the wall, he gets up and starts saying verses of Ramayana from start to end.... How did this happen??? .. .. .. .. After hitting the wall, Mickey becomes Wall-Mickey( Valmiki).... Technorati : donald duck , humour , mickey mouse , ramayana , story

Pyari SITA, Main itthe raaji khushi haan and hope ke tu v theek thaak hovengi, Laxman tannu bahut yaad karda si. Main is Baandar de haath tennu chitthi bhej reha haan, Tu bilkul tension na layi te main bahot jaldi tenu ravan kolo chura lavanga. Main AIRTEL da postpaid le liya si, RAVAN nu main mobile te bhot GAALIYAAN kadiya te SAALE ne katt ditta, Chal koi ni main aana ta hai hi. Taan KUTUNGA saale KANJAR nu. Main tere naal bhi ek AIRTEL ka prepaid bhej riya si usme 1500 SMS free wali scheme ha, Tu roz mere ko SMS kari. Chinta na kari, jadd bhi gal karne nu ji kare, ek miss call mar diyo. Main ittho tenu phone kar levenga. Tu Mere bill di chinta na kari, Sugreev nu payment da jimma de ditta si. Accha OK See Uuuu. With Luv Dashrath da Vadda Puttar "RAM Technorati : airtel , love letter , ram , sita

1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? 2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? 3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? 4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker? 7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible? 8. Why is it called building when it is already built? 9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? 10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots? 11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? 12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?? Human ?? 13. If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this?? well, get back to WORK now!! Technorati : confusion , english , humour

Dad used to give us a measly Rs. 20/- per month, in that we were not only able to eat stomachs fill, but we were able to save too!!! Now we earn a sum of 20K, we have no idea where it goes, let alone saving it!! Which was better, the former or the latter??? ---------------------------------------------------------- 6 subjects per year, 6 different teachers! One project since we joined and just one manager!! Which was better, the former or the latter??? ---------------------------------------------------------- We used to make notes; we used to study for ranks!! Now we scan thru our mails; we struggle for our ratings!!! Which was better, the former or the latter??? ---------------------------------------------------------- We have still not forgotten the people in the next section!!! Now we don't even know who sits in the next cubicle!!! Which was better, the former or the latter??? ---------------------------------------------------------- After getting back from a tiring play, we

Our FRIEND WAS chatting with a female - Online chat. (Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's) Hero : Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today? Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat Hero : wow...am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee. Hero : OK (Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his desk ). Manager : Hey, I need some help from you Hero : [This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me. Manager : Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening? Hero : I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening. Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place] (Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive.

1."We will do it" means" You will do it" 2."You have done a great job" means" More work to be given to you" 3."We are working on it" means" We have not yet started working on the same" 4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means" It's not getting done "At least not tomorrow!" 5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do" 6."There was a slight miscommunication" means" We had actually lied" 7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means" I have no time now, will talk later" 8."We can always do it" means" We actually cannot do the same on time" 9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time." 10."We had slight differences of opinio