Time Pass: Funny, Humorous and Good Things

Vicious Circle of Men and Women

2011-06-16T21:06:00.000-07:00

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leave them.
7. Although the women leave them they still don't learn from their Mistakes and still try their luck with others.

Women:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive Clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress Beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just “An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still Expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you.

Do you know shit?

2011-05-07T01:02:00.001-07:00

A congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming, universal health care, or stimulus packages?" as he smiled
smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet, a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you don't know shit?" She went back to reading her book, and the congressman had nothing else to say the rest of the flight.

Newage Drug

2011-05-06T23:27:00.000-07:00

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen.

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research.

This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

So far lucky Eric

2011-05-06T23:24:00.001-07:00

One day they decide that they want to get married,
so Eric goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Eric bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love
and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing,
Mr. Smith replies,
"Well Eric, you are only 10.. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it,
Eric replies,
"In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine
and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable,
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,
"Okay, then how will you live?
You're not old enough to get a job.
You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Eric instantly replies, "Our allowance,
Jenny makes five bucks a week
and I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month,
so that should do us just fine."

Mr. Smith is impressed
Eric has put so much thought into this.
"Well Eric,
it seems like you have everything figured out.
I just have one more question.
What will you do if the two of you should have
little children of your own?"

Eric just shrugs his shoulders and says,
"Well, we've been lucky so far."

The Unused Thing

2011-05-06T23:23:00.001-07:00

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'

'Of course, child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'

A bronze rat

2011-04-01T07:25:00.000-07:00

An Indian tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotic, he notices a very lifelike, Life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, But is so striking he decides he must have it.

He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"

"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the Story,"says the owner.

The tourist gives the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."

As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, He notices that a few real rats crawl out of the alleys and sewers and begin following him down the street. This is disconcerting; he begins walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind Him grows to hundreds, and they begin squealing.

He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and are still Squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay and throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay After it, and are all drowned. The man walks back to the curio shop.

"Ah ha," says the owner, "You have come back for the Story?"

*
*
*
*
*
*
*

"No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a statue of an Indian politician in bronze!!

Source: Email.

7 Lessons That Can Change Your Life - Mark Twain

2011-03-31T02:40:00.000-07:00

In 1871, Mark Twain was born as Samuel Langhorne Clemens in Florida, Missouri, U.S. He was a writer, and lecturer. He was called the “greatest American humorist of his age.” He wrote the now classic novels, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.

He wrote some great stuff that is still read by millions today. He also had some great quotes that continue to live on because of the wisdom in them. Mark Twain was a funny, witty, and wise guy. I hope the below quotes will astonish, enlighten, and amuse you.

1. "I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened."

We walk around all our lives thinking about things that will never happen. We worry, dread, and fear what hasn’t happened and what probably never will.

Our minds are out of control. Our heads are filled with negative thoughts that have no bearing in reality, even if we think they do.

Eliminating bad thoughts is possible, through methods such as EFT and The Work. It’s not easy, but worth it.

2. “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

We want safety. We want to be secure, but the best life experiences come when we drop those notions and go after what we truly want, whether it feels safe or not.

I’ve battled with this myself, and I often stop myself from doing things because it feels unsafe. I worry too much about the future.

In reality, we can’t know what the future will bring. Even if you have millions in the bank, you may lose it tomorrow. Not even the wealthiest on this planet are secure.

3. “When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.”

Imagine that something negative happened to you. Maybe someone said something to you that you thought was wrong.

How often do you replay what happened over and over and over again when it’s all over?

We disrespect ourselves by replaying bad thoughts in our mind, which leads to feeling bad, and treating everyone (including ourselves) around us badly.

4. “The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”

Going after your dreams can feel like an overwhelming task, but that’s because you’re trying to visualize something in your head that cannot be visualized.

Mark Twain is right on in breaking things into small pieces. It works because you can hold an image in your head of what the end result looks like. Instead of thinking “I need to start an online business,” a better thought would be “I need to start a blog.”

That is, if you want to go down that route. Break things down, and simplify!

5. “When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.”

A good and funny quote, but to me it sends the message to not make decisions when you’re angry. People are foolish when they are angry. They snap at others and only create more trouble in their life. Next time you’re angry, either use methods such as The Work or EFT, like I mentioned above, or just count to four, or better yet, ten.

Calm down, and sleep on your decision.

6. “Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.”

Have you ever felt like you deserved something, but didn’t get it? I know I certainly have. That thought does us no good, even if we think we did deserve whatever it is that we didn’t get. It keeps you stuck instead of moving forward. So what if things didn’t go perfectly? You adjust and you keep on going.

Who knows, maybe that setback wasn’t a setback after all. The negative events in my life have a tendency to blossom into positive ones.

7. “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.”

Successful people aren’t fearless; no one is. It’s easy to believe that if you got rid of your fears, everything would be fine, but that’s just an excuse for not getting started. You will always have a smidgen of fear when diving into the unknown. Don’t let it stop you; instead use it as fuel to keep going.

Source: http://www.dumblittleman.com/2011/03/7-life-changing-lessons-you-can-learn.html

Conveying bad news

2011-03-21T02:07:00.001-07:00

At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Master Carlos? This is Arnaldo your country house caretaker"

"Ah yes, Mr. Arnaldo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died"

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?"

"That's the one."

"Darn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh well...what did he die from?"

"From eating rotten meat."

"Rotten meat? Who was so mean as to give him meat?"

"Nobody. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses."

"Dead horse? What dead horse Mr. Arnaldo?"

"Why, those pure breed ones that you had, sir. They died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught on fire."

"What the.....!!! But theres electricity at the house!!!!

What was the candle for???"

"For the funeral."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL???!!!!!"

"Your mother's! She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I shot her."

Don't jump to conclusion

2011-03-10T01:55:00.001-08:00

A 24 year boy seeing out from the train window and shouted, "Dad , look the trees are going behind" Dad smiled. A young couple sitting nearby, looked at the 24 year old's childish behavior with pity. Suddenly he again said, "Dad, look the clouds are running with us!!"

The couple Couldn’t resist and said to the old man, "Why don’t you take your son to a good doctor?" The old man smiled and said, "I did it & we are just coming from the hospital, my son was blind from birth, he just got his eyes today".

Moral of the story
Don’t jump 2 a conclusion directly. Bcoz what you see is most probably not the truth!

220 Great Cricket Quotes of all time

2011-03-07T03:35:00.000-08:00

HUMOR — Barney Corkhill's Great Quotes series moves on from baseball to cricket. In this series I look at a selection of the very best quotes to ever grace various sports.

The quotes aren't just from players, coaches and commentators, but anyone who has ever said a good quote to do with the chosen sport! Some are intentional, some aren't, I'll leave you to make your own mind up!

So, without further adieu, lets look at the first 20 great quotes from Cricket! Enjoy!

"A very small crowd here today. I can count the people on one hand. Can't be more than 30" - Michael Abrahamson

"Strangely, in slow motion, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer" - David Acfield

"Like an elephant trying to do the pole vault" - Jonathan Agnew as heavyweight Pakistan captain Inzamam-Ul-Haq falls over his own stumps

"Botham just couldn't quite get his leg over" - Jonathan Agnew as Ian Botham tries in vain to lift his leg over his stumps when off balance

"I've never got to the bottom of streaking" - Jonathan Agnew

"What we have here is a clear case of Mann's inhumanity to Mann" - John Arlott commenting on South African bowler "Tufty" Mann causing England batsman George Mann problems

"Like an old lady poking with her umbrella at a wasp's nest" - John Arlott on the batting of Australian Ernie Toshack

"A stroke of a man knocking a thistle top with a walking stick" - John Arlott on a Clive Lloyd four

"The umpire signals a bye with the air of a weary stalk" - John Arlott

"Bill Frindall has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator" - John Arlott

"He played a cut so late as to be positively posthumous" - John Arlott

"[Ray Jennings] was to orthodoxy what King Herod was to child-minding" - Mike Atherton on the South African coach

"It looks more suitable for growing carrots" - Andy Atkinson, ICC grounds inspector, on Bermuda's new pitch

"Tufnell! Can I borrow your brain? I'm building an idiot" - Australian fan to England spinner Phil Tufnell

"Leaving out Dennis Lillee against England would be as unthinkable as the Huns dropping Attila" - Australian TV commentator

"Well, Andrew Strauss is certainly an optimist—he's come out wearing sunblock" - Australian commentator in the fifth test of the 5-0 series whitewash in 2006-07

"The first time you face up to a googly you're going to be in trouble if you've never faced one before" - Trevor Bailey

"The Port Elizabeth ground is more of a circle than an oval. It is long and square" - Trevor Bailey

"There are good one-day players, there are good Test players and vice versa" - Trevor Bailey

"On the first day Logie decided to chance his arm and it came off" - Trevor Bailey

"I don't think he expected it, and that's what caught him unawares" - Trevor Bailey

"We owe some gratitude to Gatting and Lamb, who breathed some life into a corpse which had nearly expired" - Trevor Bailey

"No captain with all the hindsight in the world can predict how the wicket is going to play" - Trevor Bailey

"This series has been swings and pendulums all the way through" - Trevor Bailey

"Lloyd did what he achieved with that shot" - Trevor Bailey

"I bowl so slowly that if I don't like a ball I can run after it and bring it back" - J.M. Barrie

"England trained and grass grew at the MCG yesterday, two activities virtually indistinguishable from each other in tempo" - Greg Baum

"It was an excellent performance in the field marred only when Harris dropped Crapp in the outfield" - BBC Commentator on a missed chance off batsman Jack Crapp

"The hallmark of a great captain is the ability to win the toss at the right time" - Richie Benaud

"He's not quite got hold of that one. If he had, it would have gone for nine" - Richie Benaud on a Justin Langer six

"Gatting at fine leg - that's a contradiction in terms" - Richie Benaud

"Laird has been brought in to stand in the corner of the circle" - Richie Benaud

"He's usually a good puller - but he couldn't get it up that time" - Richie Benaud

"His throw went absolutely nowhere near where it was going" - Richie Benaud

"I think the batsman's strategy will be to make runs and not get out" - Richie Benaud

"This shirt is unique: there are only 200 of them" - Richie Benaud

"There were congratulations and high sixes all round" - Richie Benaud

"That slow-motion replay doesn't show how fast the ball was travelling" - Richie Benaud

"How can you tell your wife you are just popping out to play a match and then not come back for five days?" - Rafa Benitez struggling to come to terms with Test cricket

"England's pace bowlers are making the helmet go out of fashion" - Scyld Berry

"In the rear, the small diminutive figure of Shoaib Mohammed, who can't be much taller than he is" - Henry Blofeld

"It's a catch he would have caught 99 times times out of 1,000" - Henry Blofeld

"If the tension here was a block of Cheddar cheese, you could cut it with a knife" - Henry Blofeld

"Flintoff starts in, his shadow beside him. Where else would it be?" - Henry Blofeld

"I don't think I've actually drunk a beer for 15 years, except a few Guinnesses in Dublin, where it's the law" - Ian Botham

"I'd rather face Dennis Lillee with a stick of rhubarb than go through that again" - Ian Botham after being cleared of assault charges

"I don't ask my wife to face Michael Holding, so there's no reason why I should be changing nappies" - Ian Botham

"It couldn't have been Gatt. Anything he takes up to his room after nine o'clock, he eats" - Ian Botham on the Mike Gatting barmaid scandal

"This can only help England's cause" - Ian Botham on hearing that Geoffrey Boycott is to coach the Pakistan batsmen before their 2001 tour of England

"A few years ago England would have struggled to beat the Eskimos" - Ian Botham, 2005

"If I'd done a quarter of the things of which I'm accused, I'd be pickled in alcohol, I'd be a registered drug addict and would have sired half the children in the world's cricket-playing countries" - Ian Botham

"After their 60 overs, West Indies have scored 244 for 7, all out" - Frank Bough

"Life without sports is like life without underpants" - Billy Bowden

"Get a single down the other end and watch someone else play him" - Geoffrey Boycott, asked how best to handle Glenn McGrath

"I reckon my mum could have caught that in her pinny!" - Geoffrey Boycott on a dropped catch

"He could have caught that between the cheeks of his backside" - Geoffrey Boycott on another dropped catch

"I feel so bad about mine now I'm going to tie it around the cat" - Geoffrey Boycott, dismayed at the award of an MBE to Paul Collingwood for scoring 17 runs in the 2005 Ashes series

"I'm glad two sides of the cherry have been put forward" - Geoffrey Boycott

"Richie Benaud simply says 'out' with the grisly finality of the hangman" - Tony Brace

"Merv Hughes always appeared to be wearing a tumble-dried ferret on his top lip" - Rick Broadbent

"Too high?! If the ball had hit his head it would have hit the bloody wickets!" - Alan Brown, denied an LBW appeal against 5ft 3in Harry Pilling

"We had one or two disagreements but once he realised that he was wrong and I was right we moved on" - Surrey coach Alan Butcher on working with son Mark

"I am more inclined to believe that the Pope is guilty of multiple bigamy than to believe Hansie [Cronje] is guilty of being involved in bribery and corruption" - Caller to a South African radio show

"I once delivered a simple ball, which I was told, had it gone far enough, would have been considered a wide" - Lewis Carroll

"I can't really say I'm batting badly. I'm not batting long enough to be batting badly" - Greg Chappell

"The other advantage England have got when Phil Tufnell is bowling is that he isn't fielding" - Ian Chappell

"In my day 58 beers between London and Sydney would have virtually classified you as a teetotaller" - Ian Chappell, after batsman David Boon drank 58 cans of beer on the flight from Australia to England

"It's tough for a natural hooker to give it up" - Ian Chappell

"Three bad days does not mean you're a bad team overnight" - Paul Collingwood

David Gower: "Do you want Gatt [Mike Gatting] a foot wider?"
Chris Cowdrey: "No, he'd burst!"

"The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests—absolutely round" - Tony Cozier

"Now Botham, with a chance to put everything that's gone before behind him" - Tony Cozier

"Angus Fraser's bowling is like shooting down F-16 aeroplanes with sling shots. Even if they hit, no damage would be done. Like an old horse, he should be put out to pasture" - Colin Croft

"The ball came back, literally cutting Graham Thorpe in half" - Colin Croft

"Who could forget Malcolm Devon?" - Ted Dexter, completely forgetting Devon Malcolm

"Oh God! If there be cricket in heaven, let there also be rain" - Alec Douglas-Home*

"I can't bat, can't bowl and can't field these days. I've every chance of being picked for England" - Ray East

"It's difficult being more laid back than David Gower without actually being comatose" - Frances Edmonds

"Ian Botham is in no way inhibited by a capacity to over-intellectualise" - Frances Edmonds

"He's got a reputation for being awkward and arrogant, probably because he is awkward and arrogant" - Frances Edmonds on husband Phil

"Derek Randall bats like an octopus with piles" - Matthew Engel

"Waugh! What is he good for? Absolutely nothing!" - England fans' song during the 1993 Ashes series

"It means I can drive a flock of sheep through the town centre, drink for free in no less than 64 pubs and get a lift home with the police when I become inebriated. What more could you want?" - Andrew Flintoff

"I'm completely different from Pietersen. He would turn up to the opening of an envelope" - Andrew Flintoff

"It's far more daunting than bowling to Ricky Ponting or facing Shane Warne" - Andrew Flintoff on news that he was to duet with Elton John

"I'm ugly, I'm overweight, but I'm happy" - Andrew Flintoff

"In the past five weeks I've trained hard, trying to get my ankle back to where I want it to be" - Andrew Flintoff

"Lady, if I were built in proportion I'd be eight foot ten!" - Joel Garner

Interviewer: "Do you feel that the selectors and yourself have been vindicated by the result?"

Mike Gatting: "I don't think the press are vindictive. They can write what they want"

"Srikkanth is a vegetarian. If he swallows a fly, he will be in trouble" - Sunil Gavaskar

"Glenn McGrath joins Craig McDermott and Paul Reiffel in a three-ponged prace attack" - Tim Gavel

"This is Cunis at the Vauxhall End. Cunis—a funny sort of name. Neither one thing nor the other" - Alan Gibson

"Hansel and Gretel and Dizzy's double hundred—they're one and the same. An absolute fairytale" - Jason "Dizzy" Gillespie on his 200 against Bangladesh

"A fart competing with thunder" - Graham Gooch assessing England v Australia in 1991

"If it had been a cheese roll, it would have never got past him" - Graham Gooch after Mike Gatting was bowled by Shane Warne's 'Ball of the Century'

"Illy [Ray Illingworth] had the man-management skills of Basil Fawlty" - Darren Gough

"I don't know an England player who could fix a light bulb, let alone a match" - Darren Gough

"It's hard work making batting look effortless" - David Gower

"I don't like defensive shots—you can only get threes" - WG Grace*

"They came to see me bat not you bowl" - WG Grace, putting the bails back on his stumps after being bowled first ball.

"Clearly the West Indies are going to play their normal game, which is what they normally do" - Tony Greig

"What a magnificent shot! No, he's out" - Tony Greig

"In the back of Hughes' mind must be the thought that he will dance down the piss and mitch one" - Tony Greig

"Being the manager of a touring team is rather like being in charge of a cemetery - lots of people underneath you, but no one listening" - Wes Hall

"Ashley Giles made a simple attempt at a top-edged hook by Mahela Jayawardene look like a Mr Bean Christmas special" - Peter Hayter, lamenting the standard of England's fielding, 2003

"Shane Warne's idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand" - Ian Healy

"It's obviously a great occasion for all the players. It's a moment they will always forget" - Ray Hudson

"Mate, if you just turn the bat over, you'll find instructions on the other side" - Australian fast bowler Merv Hughes to Robin Smith after the England batsman repeatedly played and missed*

"The sight of Imran [Khan] tearing fearsomely down the hill and the baying of the crowd made me realise for the first time that adrenalin was sometimes brown" - Simon Hughes

"Dermot Reeve was so self-obsessed that even on the local nudist beach he only admired himself" - Simon Hughes

"You don't need a helmet facing Waqar [Younis] so much as a steel toe cap" - Simon Hughes on Waqar Youni's swinger yorker

"Clinching the [County] Championship is a strange sensation... There's more atmosphere in a doctor's waiting room" - Simon Hughes

"I absolutely insist that all my boys are in bed before breakfast" - Colin Ingleby-Mackenzie explaining how Hampshire won the County Championship under his captaincy

"Ilott is out of this game with a groin strain and thus joins Darren Gough, Chris Lewis and Andrew Caddick on the list of those more in line for a trip to Lourdes rather than Lord's" - Martin Johnson

"At least we are safe from an intoxicating rendition of 'There's only one Graeme Hick'. There are, quite clearly, two of them. The first one turns out for teams like Worcestershire and New Zealand's Northern Districts and plays like a god. The second one pulls on an England cap and plays like an anagram of god" - Martin Johnson

"Michael Atherton is one of the few people capable of looking more dishevelled at the start of a six-hour century than at the end of it" - Martin Johnson

"It would be a surprise if the mirrors in [Kevin] Pietersen's house totalled anything less than the entire stock at one of the larger branches of B&Q" - Martin Johnson

"As a preparation for a Test match, the domestic game is the equivalent of training for the Olympic marathon by taking the dog for a walk" - Martin Johnson

"How anyone can spin a ball the width of [Mike] Gatting boggles the mind" - Martin Johnson on Shane Warne's 'Ball of the Century'

"If he's not talking about the flipper it's the zooter, the slider, or the wrong'un. He'll shortly start working on a ball that loops the loop, disappears down his trouser leg, and whistles 'Waltzing Matilda' before rattling into the stumps" Martin Johnson on Shane Warne

"Welcome to Leicester where the captain Ray Illingworth has just relieved himself at the Pavilion End" - Brian Johnston

"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey" - Brian Johnston as Peter Willey faces up to Michael Holding*

"As he comes into bowl, Freddie Titmus has got two short legs, one of them square" - Brian Johnston

"[Glenn] Turner looks a bit shaky and unsteady, but I think he's going to bat on...one ball left" - Brian Johnston after Turner was hit in the box area by the penultimate ball of the match

"Neil Harvey's at slip, with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle" - Brian Johnston

"Bill [Frindall] needs a small ruler. How about the Sultan of Brunei? I hear he is only four foot ten" - Brian Johnston

"Batsmen wear so much protection these days that I mostly identify them from their posteriors" - Brian Johnston

"This bowler's like my dog: three short legs and balls which swing each way" - Brian Johnston

"I haven't noticed too many comments about my Aussie background out in the middle, but that's probably because I haven't been batting long enough to notice!" - Geraint Jones

"Don't bowl him bad balls, he hits the good ones for fours" - Michael Kasprowicz on Sachin Tendulkar

"A 1914 biplane tied up with elastic bands trying vainly to take off" - Frank Keating on Bob Willis's run up

"The programme implied that...he made love like he played cricket: slowly, methodically, but with the real possibility that he might stay in all day" - Martin Kelner reviewing a documentary about Geoffrey Boycott

"An interesting morning, full of interest" - Jim Laker

"And Ian Greig's on eight, including two fours" - Jim Laker

"It's a unique occasion really - a repeat of Melbourne 1977" - Jim Laker

"Sometimes people think it's like Polo, played on horseback, and I remember one guy thought it was a game involving insects" - Clayton Lambert on explaining cricket to Americans

"England have no McGrathish bowlers, there are hardly any McGrathish bowlers, except for [Glenn] McGrath" - Stuart Law

"There's nothing like the sound of flesh on leather to get a cricket match going" - Geoff Lawson

"For any budding cricketers listening, do you have any superstitious routines before an innings, like putting one pad on first and then the other one?" - Tony Lewis

"If I've to bowl to Sachin [Tendulkar], I'll bowl with a helmet on. He hits the ball so hard" - Dennis Lillee

"Geoffrey [Boycott] is the only fellow I've ever met who fell in love with himself at a young age and has remained faithful ever since" - Dennis Lillee

"They've got to swing like a 70s disco to get anywhere near from here" - David Lloyd on an Essex twenty20 run chase

"If this bloke's a Test match bowler, then my backside is a fire engine" - David Lloyd on first seeing Nathan Astle

"What do I think of the reverse sweep? It's like Manchester United getting a penalty and Bryan Robson taking it with his head" - David Lloyd

"England have nothing to lose here, apart from this Test match" - David Lloyd

"She was a lovely lady and quite ample. In fact, Muttiah Muralitharan would have had plenty of room to sign his name" - David Lloyd, asked to sign a woman's cleavage

Ian Botham: "Where were you last night?"
David Lloyd: "An oyster bar - apparently it puts lead in your pencil. I don't know about that. I think it only matters if you have got someone to write to"

"It was rather a pity Ellis got run out at 1107, because I was just striking a length" - Arthur Mailey, who took 4-362 during Victoria's record score

"The enigma with no variation" - Vic Marks on Chris Lewis

"So how's your wife and my kids?" - Rod Marsh, Australian wicket-keeper, welcoming Ian Botham to the crease*

"And we don't need a calculator to tell us that the required run-rate is 4.5454 per over" - Christopher Martin-Jenkins

"Gul has another ball in his hand and bowls to Bell who has two" - Christopher Martin-Jenkins

"It's a perfect day here in Australia, glorious blue sunshine" - Christopher Martin-Jenkins

"If you go in with two fast bowlers and one breaks down, you're left two short" - Bob Massie

"This game will be over anytime from now" - Alan McGilvray

"I've seen batting all over the world. And in other countries too" - Keith Miller

"I'm confident they play the game in haven. Wouldn't be heaven otherwise would it?" - Patrick Moore

"[Geoffrey] Boycott, somewhat a creature of habit, likes exactly the sort of food he himself prefers" - Don Mosey

"Well, everyone is enjoying this except Vic Marks, and I think he's enjoying himself" - Don Mosey

"I suppose I can gain some consolation from the fact that my name will be permanently in the record books" - Malcolm Nash after being hit for six sixes in an over by Gary Sobers in 1968

"His claim of being an all-rounder is clearly more a reflection of his physique than abilities in Test cricket" - Bangladesh newspaper on captain Khaled Mahmud

"Michael Vaughan has a long history in the game ahead of him" - Mark Nicholas

"If my grandfather was alive, he would have slaughtered a cow" - South Africa's Makhaya Ntini after taking 5-75 against England at Lord's

"Boy George would be considered straight at the University of Western Australia" - Kerry O'Keefe casting doubts about the tests done by the University on Muttiah Muralitharan's controversial bowling action

"I have prepared for the worst case scenario, but it could be even worse than that" - Monty Panesar, ready to face abuse in Australia

"Aussie sledging? I'm just glad they've heard of me!" - Monty Panesar

"Andre Nel is big and raw-boned and I suspect he has the IQ of an empty swimming pool" - Adam Parore

"Sorry, skipper, a leopard can't change it's stripes" - Lennie Pascoe

"It's a catch 21 situation" - Kevin Pietersen

"And there's the George Headley stand, named after George Headley" - Trevor Quirk

"No good hitting me there, mate, there's nothing to damage" - Derek Randall to Dennis Lillee after being hit on the head by a bouncer

"The blackcurrant jam tastes of fish to me" - Derek Randall, tasting caviar for the first time*

"There's only one man made more appeals than you, George, and that was Dr Barnardo" - Umpire Bill Reeve to George MacAuley

"I thought if Rembrandt can do it, why can't I?" - Jack Russsell on his new career as an artist

"We have had exceptionally wet weather in Derby - everywhere in the county is in the same boat" - Tom Sears

"This ground is surprising. It holds about 60,000 but when there are around 30,000 in, you get the feeling that it is half empty" - Ravi Shastri

"A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from a fracture of the shin" - Jo Sheldon

"Umpire Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands" - Navjot Sidhu

"The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies... and for the same reason" - Navjot Sidhu

"He played that like a dwarf at a urinal" - Navjot Sidhu as Sachin Tendulkar stands on his toes to play a shot

"I just want to get into the middle and get the right sort of runs" - Robin Smith, suffering from Diarrhoea on an England tour of India

"Yorkshire were 232 all out, Hutton ill. No, I'm sorry, Hutton 111" - John Snagge

"We've won one on the trot" - Alec Stewart

"I get a few strange looks when I use the hotel laundry. They're used to washing shirts and socks, but not too many have been asked to clean a panther's head" - Barmy Army member Kevin Thame after wearing a pink panther costume while watching England

"The only change England would propose might be to replace Derek Pringle, who remains troubled by no balls" - The Times

"With regard to the broken finger, when batting I'll just have to play it by ear" - Marcus Trescothick

"Unless something happens that we can't predict, I don't think a lot will happen" - Fred Trueman

"People only call me 'Fiery' because it rhymes with Fred, just like 'Typhoon' rhymes with Tyson" - Fred Trueman

"I'd have looked even faster in colour" - Fred Trueman

"There's only one head bigger than Tony Greig's - and that's Birkenhead" - Fred Trueman

"I know why Boycott's bought a house by the sea - so he'll be able to go for a walk on the water" - Fred Trueman

"Kid yourself it's Sunday, Rev, and keep your hands together" - Fred Trueman after Revd David Sheppard dropped a succession of catches

"I'm all right when his arm comes over, but I'm out of form by the time the bloody ball gets here" - Fred Trueman on the slow bowling of Peter Sainsbury

"The game's a little bit wide open again" - Fred Trueman

"That's what cricket's all about: two batsmen pitting their wits against one another" - Fred Trueman

"That was a tremendous six: the ball was still in the air as it went over the boundary" - Fred Trueman

"We didn't have metaphors in our day. We didn't beat around the bush" - Fred Trueman*

"England's always expecting. No wonder they call her the Mother Country" - Fred Trueman

"Anyone foolish enough to predict the outcome of this match is a fool" - Fred Trueman

"You can't smoke 20 a day and bowl fast" - Phil Tufnell on why he became a spinner

"My main aim as far as practice went was to turn up on time in order to avoid another fine from the management" - Phil Tufnell

"I've done the elephant, I've done the poverty - I might as well go home" - Phil Tufnell on a tour in India

"My knee is fine, but my neck hurts from watching all the sixes hit by Australia" - Michael Vaughan at the 2007 Twenty20 series

"Richie Benaud eyes the camera with the look of a disdainful lizard" - Brian Viner

"It is important for Pakistan to take wickets if they are going to make inroads into this Australian batting line-up" - Max Walker

"He has got perfect control over the ball right up to the minute he lets it go" - Peter Walker

"With the possible exception of Rolf Harris, no other Australian has inflicted more pain and grief on Englishmen since Don Bradman" - Mike Walters on Steve Waugh's retirement

"We slept under the stars in sleeping bags - it was wonderful getting bitten by the mozzies - I'm still covered in bites. We went orienteering in the middle of the night with six-foot kangaroos jumping around. It was just a wonderful time! - Shane Warne on coach John Buchanan's 'Boot Camp' (he's being sarcastic)

"I'm a big believer that the coach is something you travel in to get to and from the game" - Shane Warne with another dig at John Buchanan

"And we have just heard, although this is not the latest score from Bournemouth, that Hampshire have beaten Nottinghamshire by nine wickets" - Peter West

"So dull is he, that tapes of the Willis delivery should be sold in Mothercare as a sleeping aid for fractious toddlers" - Jim White on Bob Willis' style of commentary

"Kevin Pietersen would be deemed brash by a Texan assertiveness coach" - Simon Wilde

"I guess some guys are just naturally built for comfort rather than cricket" - Bob Willis on Robert Key

"Steve Bucknor has completely lost the plot. He should take his pension back and sail off to the sunset" - Bob Willis

"I was once offered a Foster's from someone over the fence, but it was warmer and frothier than a Foster's" - Bob Willis

"Go on Hedley, you've got him in two minds, he doesn't know whether to hit you for four or six" - Arthur Wood to Hedley Verity

Glenn McGrath - "Why are you so fat?"
Eddo Brandes ( Zimbabwean batsman ) - "Your wife gives me a biscuit every time I f*** her"
(courtesy of Illya McLellan)

"Most teams you know, only the next player to bat puts the pads on. With Zimbabwe, everyone puts pads on!" - Zimbabwe supporter

(Greg Thomas beats Viv Richards on the outside edge a couple of times)
Greg Thomas - "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces if you're wondering"
(Richards hits him for six, out of the ground and into a river the very next ball)
Viv Richards - "Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and find it"*

"Hell, [Mike Gatting] Gatt, move out the way, I can't see the wickets" - Dennis Lillee after stopping in mid run-up to bowl to Mike Gatting

Source: http://bleacherreport.com/articles/58608-20-great-quotes-fromcricket-part-one

Azim Premji’s speech at IIM Calcutta Convocation

2011-02-08T02:00:00.000-08:00

AT THE ANNUAL CONVOCATION 2004 OF THE INDIAN INSTITUTE OF MANAGEMENT AT KOLKATA AT 2-15 PM ON APRIL 3, 2004 ON “CONTINUOUS TRANSFORMATION”.

Distinguished Director and faculty of IIM- Kolkata, Guests, and my young friendsI am very happy to be with you this afternoon. Indian Institute of Management – Calcutta is one the earliest management colleges of higher learning to be set up in the country. The pioneering spirit continues even after IIM-C has transformed itself into a world class institution. In your two years here, you must have experienced the enormous change in your own understanding of business and management. Graduation is not the end but the beginning of learning and change. I have found that people who succeed most in their careers are those who can constantly transform themselves. Transformation is not so much a process, as a deep seated desire to change ourselves and our environment. Based on my own experience, I would like to share with you my thoughts on how to make continuous transformation possible. I hope you find them useful.

First, you have got to have a dream. Dreams are very powerful internal motivators. Great achievements are created twice – First in the mind and then in a concrete form. The most exhilarating part of being young is the ability to dream. As one grows, one may realize that not all of them are achievable. But never turn cynical. Aging is not adding on years. It is parting with one’s dreams. Use your experience to reshape your dreams and adapt them to changing reality but do not stop dreaming. I cannot think of a single transformation or achievement, individual or social that did not begin with a dream. Dreams not only help us in seeing things before they happen, but they also give us the passion and energy to make them happen.

Second, stay on course even if you stumble. When everything seems to go wrong, you can either give up or you can let misfortune transform you into something stronger. The difference between great achievement and mediocrity is not extraordinary talent or intelligence, but perseverance. In fact, dreams and perseverance make a winning combination. In 1972, a chartered plane, carrying a Rugby team crashed in the Andes. After a week long futile search, the rescue team gave up thinking that all of them must be dead. The passengers after waiting for many days to be rescued, decided to help themselves since apparently nobody else was going to do it. Two of them volunteered to cross the mountains by foot to reach the green valleys of Chile and bring back help. It was a walk of more than 50 miles. But they did it and came back to rescue their fellow passengers who managed to survive in the mountain 70 days after the crash. The core of heroism lies in the ability to walk that extra mile. As long as you can do that, you will never be defeated.

Third, do not be afraid to admit your ignorance. While it is important to project what we are good at, we must be equally candid about areas we do not know enough about. The seeds of learning were sown by the great great philosopher Socrates who said “All I know is that I don’t know.” Today, knowledge is multiplying at such a rapid rate that it is impossible for anyone to know everything. But if we can develop an index system by which we at least know with whom or where the knowledge is available, we have achieved quite a bit! And there will still be areas which we will be unable to tap. The important thing is not to hide behind a false front. People will respect you for your honesty, if not your wisdom.

Fourth, think about what you will take on next rather than about what you may be letting go. Too many people are so enamoured by the legacy of success in their current roles that they are afraid to look further. This can lead to inertia. If we linger too long on past success, we will miss out on the opportunities that lie ahead of us. We must learn to look at change as an exciting adventure rather than a disruption. New avenues for learning always lie just beyond the shade of our comfort zone.

Fifth, contribute in every situation. The only way to keep learning is by contributing. You do not have to be the leader every time. When a formation of birds flies over long distances, each bird takes its turn in leading. This ensures that no bird gets too tired and yet the formation keeps moving at a certain pace. Every person is important. It doesn’t matter whether you play the violin, the flute or the drums; you are still part of the orchestra. Leadership is not about exercising power as much as it is about contributing. This will happen when you realize that leadership is not a privilege but a responsibility.

Sixth, pursue excellence in whatever you do. Excellence cannot be forced through a process nor guaranteed by a certificate. It comes from an all consuming passion to do one’s best. It needs an eye for the smallest of details. When differences become small, it is the small things that make the difference.
Seventh, while you must take your careers seriously, do not take yourself too seriously. You have to laugh and find humour everyday. This will help you to keep issues in their perspective. Being cheerful is an attitude. Not only will it help you to reduce your own stress, but a positive attitude is contagious. It can do a lot to elevate the moods of people around you and recharge you to take one more shot at the problems facing you.

Eighth, we must always know what we are really good at. Rather than trying to be everything to everyone, we must focus on areas where our talents truly lie. A talent can be defined as that skill which we not only enjoy learning but which we can also learn rapidly. We need to work at honing our talent and smoothening the rough edges. But exceptional performance usually comes from doing what comes naturally to us.

Ninth, always welcome feedback even if it comes in the guise of criticism. I remember the story of a boy who dreamt of becoming an artist but was frustrated because whenever he showed his painting, the teacher would look at it with a frown and find some fault with it. The student improved on his work continuously and he thought he would one day hear a word of appreciation from his teacher. But it never happened. Finally, in disgust, he bought a painting from an accomplished artist, touched it up with fresh paint and showed it to his teacher. To his amazement, the teacher smiled and said, “now this is really good work. Congratulations.” Feeling guilty, the student confessed that it was not really his painting. The teacher looked at him silently and then said, “Till now, I thought you wanted to paint a great picture. But I realize now that you do not want any more corrections, which means that the last painting you did was the best you will ever do. Remember you have set these limits to your talent, not me.” Criticism may actually be an expression of faith in us rather than a put down. We must learn to take it constructively because it will show us what more we can learn.

Finally, always play to win. Winning is not about making the other person lose. It is about stretching yourself to your own limits. Once so stretched, you will realize the true extent of your potential. Ultimately, transformation is about reaching and utilizing not only your potential but those of others who work with you.

I wish you all the best in your career and in your lives as you step out into a new world.

Source: http://boshu.wordpress.com/2007/10/30/azim-premjis-speech-at-iim-calcutta-convocation/

Funny Software Development Quotes

2011-02-02T04:43:00.000-08:00

Over the years, I’ve collected some of the smartest-yet-funny software development quotes I have read. Here’s the current short list in no particular order. Oddly enough, there are thirteen of them and they all address the woes of programming.

Feel free to add any like quotes in the comment section!

“The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.” – Tom Cargill

“In order to understand recursion, one must first understand recursion.” – Author Unknown

“I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone; my wish has come true because I can no longer figure out how to use my telephone.” – Bjarne Stroustrup

“A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.” – Mitch Ratcliffe

“There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.” -C.A.R. Hoare

“The gap between theory and practice is not as wide in theory as it is in practice.” – Author Unknown
“If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.” – Gerald Weinberg

“If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.” – Edsger Dijkstra

“Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.” – Bill Gates

“Nine people can’t make a baby in a month.” – Fred Brooks

“Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.” – Rich Cook

“There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don’t believe this to be a coincidence.” – Jeremy S. Anderson

“Before software can be reusable it first has to be usable.” – Ralph Johnson

Source: http://paultiseo.wordpress.com/2009/02/18/top-13-funny-software-development-quotes/

Types of Project Managers

2011-02-02T04:40:00.001-08:00

If you get in my way, I'll kill you!
- ideal project manager

If you get in my way, you'll kill me!
- somewhat less than ideal project manager

If I get in my way, I'll kill you!
- somewhat misguided project manager

If I get in your way, I'll kill you!
- A tough project manager (eats glass, live cats, etc.)

If get kill in will way I you.
- dyslexic, functionally illiterate project manager

I am the way! Kill me if you can!
- messianic project manager

Get away, I'll kill us all!
- suicidal project manager

If you kill me, I'll get in your way.
- thoughtful but ineffective project manager

If I kill you, I'll get in your way.
- project manager who has trouble dealing with the obvious

If a you getta ina my way, I gonna breaka you arm.
- project manager from New York

I am quite confident that there is nothing in the way, so no one will get killed.
- project manager who is about to get in big trouble

If you kill me, so what? If you get in my way, who cares?
- weak, uninspired, lackluster project manager

If I kill me, you'll get your way.
- pragmatic project manager

Kill me, it's the only way.
- every project manager to date

Source: http://www.mariosalexandrou.com/jokes.asp

Software Development Cycle Literally

2011-02-02T04:38:00.000-08:00

Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.
Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
Users find 137 new bugs.
Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.
Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free...

And the process keeps on iterating.

Source: http://www.mariosalexandrou.com/jokes.asp

Characteristics of software engineers

2011-02-02T04:33:00.000-08:00

Below are some common findings that you can see in a mammal called as a software engineer.

They never bargain. No wonder things have become so costly!
When a cab/bus passes by and you see all the commuters in it are sleeping like they haven't slept for years.
Dilbert or Calvin is their favorite cartoon.
Words like issues, tracker, raising requests, buzz/ping, compile, delete [unlike erase or rub it off], onsite [n not abroad is what 'foreign land' is called] are the ones that would be used by 'default'.
Weekends are holy word. They are like a salvation one seeks for.
"Wazzzup" and "Hows life?” are few obvious questions one will be greeted with which would be immediately followed by "how's work?"
Salaries, work etc are always better or in good shape in other companies than the one he/she is currently in.
They don't send or take things. They always forward them!
Drinking coffee is the most pleasurable thing they think they do in the entire day.
They seek a search engine in just almost everything they do. When I forget where I have kept my things at home the first thing that comes to my mind is "I wish there was a Google search for my room".
Mondays are always blue.
All of them will have a dream to do something in life and that something would never be what they are doing right now.

If you know any other characteristics kindly add it in comment.

Ashok Soota (Mindtree) Lecture

2011-02-01T05:39:00.000-08:00

There comes a day in everyone's life, when it is time to retrospect on past happenings, and at the same time, look into the future. For the students of XIMB, the Foundation Day on October 14th is such an occasion. This year, Mr. Ashok Soota, the Chairman of Mindtree Consulting, delivered the Foundation Day lecture and ensured that the occasion was memorable for one and all.

The topic of this year's lecture was "Realizing Your Personal Potential". Mr. Soota started by saying that the realization of one's personal potential should be the most important task in anyone's life. His focus was not only on successful careers but also on the innumerable other factors that contribute towards the shaping of a personality.

According to him, success was the ability to set and meet achievable targets, and then continuously raise the bar. He also quoted the following inspiring saying by Sri Sri Ravishankar: "Stretching sound is music, stretching music is dance, stretching smile is laughter, stretching mind is meditation, stretching life is celebration."

He then went on to mention some of the reasons why managers fail. He identified six key reasons, as follows:

1. Over-stretching or under stretching

2. Fear of failure, an inability to take appropriate risks

3. Complacency due to early success

4. Putting the "self" before the team

5. People tending to be either good managers or good leaders, when it was actually necessary to be both

6. A mis-match between the skills of the person and the requirements of the job

Why is this? 11 things

2011-01-31T01:01:00.000-08:00

1. If swimming is a good exercise to stay fit, then Why WHALES are fat?

2. Why is that everyone wants to go to HEAVEN but nobody wants to die?

3. Shall I say that there is racial discrimination in CHESS as WHITE piece is moved first?

4. In our Country, we have freedom for SPEECH, then Why telephone bills?

5. If MONEY does'nt grow on tress then Why do BANKS have branches?

6. Why does a round PIZZA come in a SQUARE box?

7. Why does'nt GLUE stick to its bottle?

8. Why do you still call it a BUILDING when its already BUILT?

9. If its true that WE are here to help others, then what OTHERS are here for?

10. If you are'nt supposed to DRINK AND DRIVE, then Why do BARS have parking lots?

11. We are funny people living in a SERIOUSLY funny world!

Creativity requires ignoring everybody

2011-01-27T22:43:00.000-08:00

So you want to be more creative, in art, in business, whatever. Here are some tips that have worked for me over the years.

1. Ignore everybody.

2. The idea doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be yours.

3. Put the hours in.

4. If your biz plan depends on you suddenly being “discovered” by some big shot, your plan will probably fail.

5. You are responsible for your own experience.

6. Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten.

7. Keep your day job.

8. Companies that squelch creativity can no longer compete with companies that champion creativity.

9. Everybody has their own private Mount Everest they were put on this earth to climb.

10. The more talented somebody is, the less they need the props.

11. Don’t try to stand out from the crowd; avoid crowds altogether.

12. If you accept the pain, it cannot hurt you.

13. Never compare your inside with somebody else’s outside.

14. Dying young is overrated.

15. The most important thing a creative person can learn professionally is where to draw the red line that separates what you are willing to do, and what you are not.

16. The world is changing.

17. Merit can be bought. Passion can’t.

18. Avoid the Watercooler Gang.

19. Sing in your own voice.

20. The choice of media is irrelevant.

21. Selling out is harder than it looks.

22. Nobody cares. Do it for yourself.

23. Worrying about “Commercial vs. Artistic” is a complete waste of time.

24. Don’t worry about finding inspiration. It comes eventually.

25. You have to find your own schtick.

26. Write from the heart.

27. The best way to get approval is not to need it.

28. Power is never given. Power is taken.

29. Whatever choice you make, The Devil gets his due eventually.

30. The hardest part of being creative is getting used to it.

31. Remain frugal.

32. Allow your work to age with you.

33. Being Poor Sucks.

34. Beware of turning hobbies into jobs.

35. Savor obscurity while it lasts.

36. Start blogging.

37. Meaning Scales, People Don’t.

37. When your dreams become reality, they are no longer your dreams.

Source: http://gapingvoid.com/books/

A father and a boy

2011-01-23T23:14:00.001-08:00

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that. "

The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many." The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way.. " The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."

What your boss is saying?

2011-01-23T22:17:00.000-08:00

When you are in office your boss always say you something. Sometimes good and sometimes bad. But you have to develop a skill to know what he is trying to say. Below is a quick guide that will help you understand the hidden meaning of your boss' statements.

1.”We will do it” means “You will do it”

2.”You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”

3.”We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the same”

4.”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done “At least not tomorrow!”

5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means “I have already decided, I will tell you what to do”

6.”There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied”

7.”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “I have no time now, will talk later”

8.”We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time”

9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”

10.”We had slight differences of opinion “means “We had actually fought”

11.”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you” means “Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me”

12.”You should have told me earlier” means “Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!”

13.”We need to find out the real reason” means “Well I will tell you where your fault is”

14.”Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,” means, “Well you know…”

15.”We are a team,” means, “I am not the only one to be blamed”

16.”That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything about it”

17.”All the Best” means “You are in trouble”

Drunkard in a beer bar

2011-01-23T20:45:00.001-08:00

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street. The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street. The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill. In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?"

The drunk replies, "You !!?? No way! You get too violent when you drink.

Juggler's all balls are red

2011-01-23T00:25:00.000-08:00

In 1975, the CEO of pharmaceutical giant Johnson&Johnson presented his executive team with exactly those challenges. He sent the team on a two-day retreat to discuss the founding document of their company, the J&J Credo, which had hung unheeded and yellowing on company walls for decades after it was penned by the company’s founder. The Credo outlines the company’s specific responsibilities to all its stakeholders, starting with its customers—the doctors, nurses, patients and mothers of sick children who buy the companies medicines—as well as its suppliers, employees, host communities and, finally, the company’s share owners.

Toward the end of the meeting, one of J&J’s top executives summarized what he saw as the reality of corporate life. He said that being an executive in a large company was like being a circus juggler, attempting to keep five balls in the air simultaneously. Four of those balls were white (those representing customers, suppliers, employees and communities). The fifth ball, the one representing shareholders, was red. To the approval of most of his fellows in the room—and, in fact, reflecting the beliefs of the vast majority of corporate mangers at the time—the executive said it was possible to drop one of the white balls and still survive, but allowing the red ball of profit to fall would be fatal. At that point, the company’s president, James Burke, spoke up and said: “My friend, I am afraid you are wrong. Today, all the balls are red.”

By being the first corporate leader to acknowledge this new reality, and thus to accept the challenge of balancing the legitimate needs of all of J&J’s stakeholders, Burke later went on to become one of the most successful CEOs in North America. When his European competitors paid bribes to win business in developing markets, he refused to do so. When it was discovered that eight people had died from ingesting cyanide-laced Tylenol capsules (a J&J product), he immediately assumed full responsibility for the deaths, pulling $100 million worth of the analgesic off drugstore shelves. He then opened the company’s executive suite to the media and dealt with the issue in a transparent manner that, to this day, stands as the model for corporate crisis management. His critics in the financial community said he was a fool to do so, and that his actions would cause the company to go bankrupt. He was urged to put the interests of his shareholders first: Remember the red ball! Later, it was discovered that a psychopath had placed the poisoned bottles on the shelves of only a few stores in one city; therefore, the company was not responsible for the deaths. But by publicly assuming responsibility before that fact was known, J&J built such a strong reputation for integrity that it recovered quickly and went on to new heights of profitability.

In short, Burke did what was the unthinkable in North American big business in the 1980s and 90s: He sacrificed short-term profits to do the right thing for his company’s stakeholders in the conviction that it is the long term that counts. That he was right to do so is a lesson finally being learned in the executive suites of many large American companies.

Source: http://www.iveybusinessjournal.com/article.asp?intArticle_ID=854

Logic Lessons - Interesting and Funny

2011-01-19T23:15:00.000-08:00

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate.
But if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.

Practice makes perfect ...
But nobody's perfect ...
so why practice?

If it's true that we are here to help others.
Then what exactly are the others here for?

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.

One should love animals.
They are so tasty.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

The wise never marry.
And when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.

"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep .

There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning

"Hard work never killed anybody."
But why take the risk?

"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours.

God made relatives. Thank God we can choose our friends.

The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So ... why learn?

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.
What more can I say ... ?

The Free Haircut

2011-01-16T23:54:00.000-08:00

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there were a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen other Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut..............

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN!

by
Nilesh Rajadhyaksha

Hearing capability and the Will

2011-01-12T03:21:00.001-08:00

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. Since then I've changed my will three times!"

21st Century Bride

2011-01-11T22:20:00.000-08:00

A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband’s home in a traditional manner. She was asked to give a little speech. She addressed as follows:

“My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family“, she said “Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences by my being here. I mean that I don’t want you all to change your way of life, your routine.“

“What do you mean my child?” asked the father

What I mean dad is:
Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them. Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it. Those who cooked shouldn’t stop on my account. Those who used to clean should clean.

As for me, I am here just to control your son!

Husband Wife Weird Jokes

2011-01-10T22:50:00.001-08:00

A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."

A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"

Funny science quotes

2011-01-10T04:40:00.000-08:00

In science we are really good at disproving things and are very poor at proving things. Theories like the Theory of Relativity go on and on because no one can think of anything better.

We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.

The first pull on the cord ALWAYS sends the drapes in the wrong direction.

Whenever a system becomes completely defined, someone discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible.

If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.

The chance of the bread falling with the butter side down is directly proportional to the value of the carpet.

A few months in the laboratory can save a few hours in the library.

Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths.

The National Academy of Sciences would be unable to give a unanimous decision if asked whether the sun would rise tomorrow.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

An important scientific innovation rarely makes its way by gradually winning over and converting its opponents: What does happen is that the opponents gradually die out.

Heating water in microwave

2011-01-05T02:33:00.001-08:00

I feel that the following is information that any one who uses a microwave oven to heat water should be made aware of. A 26-year old man decided to have a cup of coffee. He took a cup of water and put it in the microwave to heat it up (something that he had done numerous times before). I am not sure how long he set the timer for, but he wanted to bring the water to a boil. When the timer shut the oven off, he removed the cup from the oven. As he looked into the cup, he noted that the water was not boiling, but suddenly the water in the cup "blew up" into his face. The cup remained intact until he threw it out of his hand, but all the water had flown out into his face due to the build up of energy. His whole face is blistered and he has 1st and 2nd degree burns to his face which may leave scarring.

He also may have lost partial sight in his left eye. While at the hospital, the doctor who was attending to him stated that this is a fairly common occurrence and water (alone) should never be heated in a microwave oven. If water is heated in this manner, something should be placed in the cup to diffuse the energy such as a wooden stir stick, tea bag, etc., (nothing metal).It is however a much safer choice to boil the water in a tea kettle.

New Year Wishes - Very Interesting

2010-12-30T20:05:00.000-08:00

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastro-enterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber and the I.R.S.

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May New Year's Eve find you seated around the table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends. May you find the food better, the environment quieter, the cost much cheaper, and the pleasure more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them. May someone love you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may the commercials on TV not be louder than the program you have been watching, and may your check book and your budget balance - and include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to your spouse, your child, your parent, your siblings; but not to your secretary, your nurse, your masseuse, your hairdresser or your tennis instructor.

And may we live in a world at peace and with the awareness of God's love in every sunset, every flower's unfolding petals, every baby's smile, every lover's kiss, and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous beat of our heart.

Wish you a very happy New Year!

Men's Rules: Women should learn these

2010-12-27T22:27:00.000-08:00

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.

Source: http://www.funny2.com/mensrules.htm

10 benefits of laughter

2010-12-27T01:16:00.000-08:00

“Even if there is nothing to laugh about, laugh on credit.” - Anonymous

There may be more to the lyric “Put on a Happy Face” than just a catchy tune — putting on a happy face is absolutely good for you, and those around you.

For hundreds of years, it has been acknowledged that “Laughter is the best Medicine”. Breakthrough scientific research is shedding new light on the physiological beneficial effects of humor on health. Laughter can come in handy, whether it’s for dealing with an illness, the pressures of daily living, stress, coping at work even, laughter can dramatically change the quality and outlook of our lives.

And laughing makes us feel good for a reason. The physiological effects on our body do some pretty amazing stunts. Here are some examples:

1. Manage your hormones.

Laughter reduces the level of stress hormones like cortisol, epinephrine, adrenaline, dopamine and growth hormone. It also increases the level of health-enhancing hormones like endorphins, and neurotransmitters. Laughter increases the number of antibody-producing cells and enhances the efficiency of T-cells. All this means a stronger immune system, as well as fewer physical effects of stress.

2. Nice internal workout.

A good belly laugh exercises the diaphragm, contracts the abs and even works out the shoulders, leaving muscles more relaxed afterward. It even provides a good workout for the heart. Laughing 100 times is the equivalent to 10 minutes on the rowing machine or 15 minutes on an exercise bike!

3. Physical release.

Have you ever felt like you had to laugh or you’d cry? Have you experienced the cleansed feeling after a good laugh? Laughter provides a physical and emotional release.

4. Positive frame of mind.

Laughter brings the focus away from anger, guilt, stress and negative emotions to them alongside other “mere distractions.” It will make you cheerful and put you in a positive frame of mind.

5. Change your perspective.

Researchers found that our response to stressful events can be altered by whether we view something as a “threat” or a “challenge.” Humor can give us a more light-hearted perspective and help us view events as “challenges,” thereby making them less threatening and more positive.

6. Social benefits of laughter.

Laughter is contagious, so if you bring more laughter into your life, you can most likely help others around you laugh more. By elevating the mood of those around you, you can diminish their stress levels, and possibly improve the quality of social interaction you experience with them, reducing your stress level even more!

What’s even better is that the more you smile, the more others will too. Seeing a smile creates what is termed as a “halo effect,” helping us to remember other happy events more vividly, feel more optimistic, more positive and more motivated.

7. Fight illness better.

People who are optimistic (who are out there laughing!) have stronger immune systems and are actually able to fight off illness better than pessimists.

The research is very clear — this is not some social science generalization — there is a link between optimistic attitudes and good health. And it has been measured in a variety of ways. Overall, scientists have found that optimistic people are healthier. Their biological makeup is different and they have a more robust immune system.

8. Live longer.

According to some recent research published in the Archives of General Psychiatry, elderly optimistic people, those who expected good things to happen (rather than bad things), were less likely to die than pessimists.

In fact, among the 65-85 year-old study participants, those who were most optimistic were 55 percent less likely to die from all causes than the most pessimistic people. What’s more, after researchers adjusted the results for age, smoking status, alcohol consumption, physical activity and other measures of health, the optimists were 71 percent less likely to die than the pessimists!

9. It feels like eating 2000 chocolate bars.

That’s right — according to The British Dental Health Foundation, a smile gives the same level of stimulation as eating 2000 chocolate bars. The results were found after scientists measured brain and heart activity in volunteers as they were shown pictures of smiling people and given money and chocolate.

People have long been drawing attention to the fact that smiling increases happiness both in yourself and those around you, so it is good to receive the backing of this scientific research.

10. It costs absolutely nothing.

It doesn’t cost a cent and it is highly contagious.

A recent research showed that pre-school-aged children laugh up to 400 times a day, but by the time we reach adulthood, we laugh a mere 17 times per day on average!

Source: http://ririanproject.com/2007/10/26/10-benefits-of-laughter-and-how-to-use-it/

Why women shop and go to beauty salon

2010-12-26T21:59:00.000-08:00

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her billfold, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?" "No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied. "Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked. "No, I don't waste time shopping", the homeless woman said "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." "Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!" "

Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead,I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.

The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."

Bill Gates 11 Rules

2010-12-24T01:46:00.001-08:00

BILL GATES' SPEECH TO MT. WHITNEY HIGH SCHOOL in Visalia, California.
Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this!

To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice. Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair -- get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping -- they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Mistakes by People

2010-11-28T06:03:00.000-08:00

If a barber makes a mistake, it's a New Style.

If a driver makes a mistake, it's a New Path.

If an engineer makes a mistake, it's a New Venture.

If parents makes a mistake, it's a New Generation.

If a politician makes a mistake, it's a New Law.

If a scientist makes a mistake, it's New Invention.

If a tailor makes a mistake, it's a New Fashion.

If a teacher makes a mistake, it's a New Theory.

If our boss makes a mistake, it's a New Idea.

If an employee makes a mistake, it's a Mistake ONLY.

Response to prayer

2010-11-28T05:55:00.000-08:00

A little boy wanted Rs.500 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Finally he decided to write to God a letter requesting the Rs.500. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God they decided to forward it to the President as a joke. The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.200. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a the boy and he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.200, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read: "Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Government route, and those donkeys deducted Rs.300."

The Italian girl

2010-11-25T00:37:00.000-08:00

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers : 'Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?'

The husband laughs and says: 'An Italian girl !!!' The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: 'So, honey, how was the trip?'

'Very good, thank you.' 'And, what happened to my present?'

'Which present?' She asked.

'The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!'

'Oh, that' she said 'Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!'

Source: http://resumeitblog.blogspot.com/2010/11/joke-italian-girl.html

His and Her Diary

2010-06-15T22:35:00.001-07:00

1. HER DIARY

Saturday night I thought he was acting weird.

We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink.

I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.

I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.

He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving.

I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too.

When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where Somewhere else.

I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.

I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.

I don't know what to do, I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.

2 - HIS DIARY

Today INDIA lost match. Bad Luck...

Picked from SiliconIndia

Mercedes vs Train

2010-06-09T04:17:00.001-07:00

Arab son sends an e-mail to his Dad saying:

Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,

I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college in my Gold Mercedes, when allMy Teachers travel by train.

Your Son
Nasser

Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:

Loving son,

Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too.

Your Dad

Billboard marriage

2010-04-19T05:40:00.001-07:00

Harley Cobb placed an estate-agency size notice in front of his house in Pasadena, California. It read, in large smart lettering: 'Widower 55 seeks attractive lady (40-60), friendship ... maybe more' and gave his phone number. His sign and his story appeared in newspapers and on TV, and he received more than 4,000 calls from marriage-minded women around the world. He interviewed 800 and dated 81 of them before meeting his wife, Helen, who lived in the neighbourhood.

Helen, 46, remembers: 'When I first saw Harley's sign, I thought to myself, 'There's a fruitcase'. But one day I happened to be walking by when he was outside, posing for a photographer. I thought to myself: 'He looks normal'.'

She phoned him. They met twice. They got married.

An 18-Minute Plan for Managing Your Day

2010-04-15T04:12:00.001-07:00

Yesterday started with the best of intentions. I walked into my office in the morning with a vague sense of what I wanted to accomplish. Then I sat down, turned on my computer, and checked my email. Two hours later, after fighting several fires, solving other people's problems, and dealing with whatever happened to be thrown at me through my computer and phone, I could hardly remember what I had set out to accomplish when I first turned on my computer. I'd been ambushed. And I know better.

When I teach time management, I always start with the same question: How many of you have too much time and not enough to do in it? In ten years, no one has ever raised a hand.

That means we start every day knowing we're not going to get it all done. So how we spend our time is a key strategic decision. That's why it's a good idea to create a to do list and an ignore list. The hardest attention to focus is our own.

But even with those lists, the challenge, as always, is execution. How can you stick to a plan when so many things threaten to derail it? How can you focus on a few important things when so many things require your attention?
We need a trick.

Jack LaLanne, the fitness guru, knows all about tricks; he's famous for handcuffing himself and then swimming a mile or more while towing large boats filled with people. But he's more than just a showman. He invented several exercise machines including the ones with pulleys and weight selectors in health clubs throughout the world. And his show, The Jack LaLanne Show, was the longest running television fitness program, on the air for 34 years.

But none of that is what impresses me. He has one trick that I believe is his real secret power.
Ritual.

At the age of 94, he still spends the first two hours of his day exercising. Ninety minutes lifting weights and 30 minutes swimming or walking. Every morning. He needs to do so to achieve his goals: on his 95th birthday he plans to swim from the coast of California to Santa Catalina Island, a distance of 20 miles. Also, as he is fond of saying, "I cannot afford to die. It will ruin my image."

So he works, consistently and deliberately, toward his goals. He does the same things day in and day out. He cares about his fitness and he's built it into his schedule.

Managing our time needs to become a ritual too. Not simply a list or a vague sense of our priorities. That's not consistent or deliberate. It needs to be an ongoing process we follow no matter what to keep us focused on our priorities throughout the day.

I think we can do it in three steps that take less than 18 minutes over an eight-hour workday.

STEP 1 (5 Minutes) Set Plan for Day. Before turning on your computer, sit down with a blank piece of paper and decide what will make this day highly successful. What can you realistically accomplish that will further your goals and allow you to leave at the end of the day feeling like you've been productive and successful? Write those things down.

Now, most importantly, take your calendar and schedule those things into time slots, placing the hardest and most important items at the beginning of the day. And by the beginning of the day I mean, if possible, before even checking your email. If your entire list does not fit into your calendar, reprioritize your list. There is tremendous power in deciding when and where you are going to do something.

In their book The Power of Full Engagement, Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz describe a study in which a group of women agreed to do a breast self-exam during a period of 30 days. 100% of those who said where and when they were going to do it completed the exam. Only 53% of the others did.

In another study, drug addicts in withdrawal (can you find a more stressed-out population?) agreed to write an essay before 5 p.m. on a certain day. 80% of those who said when and where they would write the essay completed it. None of the others did.

If you want to get something done, decide when and where you're going to do it. Otherwise, take it off your list.

STEP 2 (1 minute every hour) Refocus. Set your watch, phone, or computer to ring every hour. When it rings, take a deep breath, look at your list and ask yourself if you spent your last hour productively. Then look at your calendar and deliberately recommit to how you are going to use the next hour. Manage your day hour by hour. Don't let the hours manage you.

STEP 3 (5 minutes) Review. Shut off your computer and review your day. What worked? Where did you focus? Where did you get distracted? What did you learn that will help you be more productive tomorrow?

The power of rituals is their predictability. You do the same thing in the same way over and over again. And so the outcome of a ritual is predictable too. If you choose your focus deliberately and wisely and consistently remind yourself of that focus, you will stay focused. It's simple.

This particular ritual may not help you swim the English Channel while towing a cruise ship with your hands tied together. But it may just help you leave the office feeling productive and successful.

And, at the end of the day, isn't that a higher priority?

Bill payment

2010-04-14T21:22:00.001-07:00

Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!'

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, 'Mona, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?'

'No, sweetheart,' she responds.

Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, 'Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master Card balance yet?'

'Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,' she says.

'One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the ICICI auto loan to them this month?' he asks.

'Oh, forgive me, Rajiv,' begged Mona. 'I didn't send that one, either.'

Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, 'So, why did you hug me?'

Rajiv answers, 'They'll find us!'

Lesson for paying attention

2010-04-12T02:05:00.000-07:00

First year students of MBBS were attending their first Anatomy class. They all gathered around the surgery table with a real dead dog.

The Professor started class by telling two important qualities as a Doctor. The first is that NEVER BE DISGUSTED FOR ANYTHING ABOUT BODY, e.g. he inserted his finger in dog's mouth & on drawing back tasted it in his own mouth. Then he said them to do the same.

The students hesitated for several minutes but eventually everyone inserted their fingers in dog's mouth & then tasted it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said: The most important 2nd quality is OBSERVATION, I inserted my Middle finger but tasted the Index finger. Now learn to pay attention.

Life is tough but it's a lot tougher when you are not paying attention.......

Just 9 questions

2010-04-07T22:10:00.000-07:00

This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn't. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers.

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ' dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'

Answers To Quiz:

1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing.

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls .
(The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.)

3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry.

5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

6. Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle...

7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe,question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce.

9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S': Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

Just don't send it back to me. I've already flunked it once.

Bal Thackrey at Match

2010-04-07T22:03:00.001-07:00

A cricket match was in progress between the Aussies & Indians at Wankhede Stadium.

Bal Thackrey was sitting in the balcony watching it.

He's very happy that the Pakies are not there.

Suddenly Sachin hits a sixer to McGrath and the ball lands up just Next to Bal Thackrey's seat.

McGrath shouts, 'Hey! Gimme the ball.'

Thackrey shouts back, 'Yey , Marathit bol.' ("speak in Marathi")

McGrath doesn't understand a thing & repeats his statement.

This gets The same reply from Thackrey.

Now, a security official standing at the Boundary goes to McGrath & tells him, 'Sir, He is Bal Thackrey.'

Now McGrath is excited, (he has heard about him) and shouts, 'OH! BALL TAK REY.' (in marathi it means "throw the Ball)

Bal Thackrey is happy and throws the ball back to him.

Coffee and Life

2010-04-06T01:45:00.000-07:00

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university lecturer. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand. The lecturer said: "If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other's cups." "Now, if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it." So don't let the cups drive you....enjoy the coffee instead.

APJ Abdul Kalam - Address to the NEU-Harvard Students

2010-04-05T23:43:00.000-07:00

27/Apr/2009 : Boston, USA
Vision for the Nation: A Distinctive Profile

The competitiveness is powered by knowledge,
Knowledge is powered by Technology and innovation.

Friends, I am delighted to be with the Northeastern University and address students from Northeastern University, Harvard University and other distinguished guests. My greetings to all the members present here.

I am inspired by the motto of the Northeastern University “Light, Truth and Courage” which are the three components of education systems. Also, I find that NEU is one of America’s Most Entrepreneurial Campuses. When I am in the midst of students and guests of this great university, I would like to talk on the topic “Vision for the Nation: A Distinctive Profile”.

Let me share with you my unique experience in mid 1990’s on formulation of Indian vision 2020 strategies. I was given the task of chairing Technology Information Forecasting and Assessment Council (TIFAC). I recollect, that in the first meeting of the Council itself, we took a decision that TIFAC must evolve a plan how India can be transformed into an economically developed nation by the year 2020. When the suggestion was mooted everybody was wondering how we can evolve such a long term mission under the then prevailing economic and social conditions of the country. That was the time; the then Prime Minister had just announced the economic liberalization and growth measures for the Indian economy and its impact had just started being felt.

In spite of this, the Council with many young members jumped into the idea and we discussed for one full day on how we can translate the thought into action. At a time when the economy was growing at around 5 to 6% per annum in GDP we had to envisage a growth rate of at least 10% per annum consistently for over 10 years for realizing the development vision of billion democratic people of multi lingual, multi religious and multi cultural characteristics. This really ignited the minds of all of us in the council. We debated and arrived at 17 task teams with over 500 members who had consultations with over 5000 people in various sectors of the economy. Committees worked for over two years resulting in 25 reports which we presented to the then Prime Minister of India on 2 Aug 1996. Transforming India into a developed nation implies that every citizen of the country lives well above the poverty line, their education and health is of a high standard, national security assured and core-competence in certain major areas enabled production of quality goods competitively including for exports, bringing all-round prosperity for the countrymen. This event led to the birth of the book “India 2020: a Vision for the New Millennium”.

Based on various inputs, the government announced the vision statement that India will become a developed nation by 2020. Such a statement is very rare, since every government is elected only for a period of five years and thinking of over 20 years time frame by the Parliament and the government is a fresh breeze. Now let me present the current ambience of the nation.
Current Ambience

Indian economy was growing at an average of 8 to 9% per annum till the last year. Now this year, Indian economy has got affected due to global economic turbulence. I was asking myself, what type of innovation is needed to enrich the Indian economy and other world economies in the present circumstance. I had discussion on this subject with many experts. It came to light that the Indian economy will be less affected due to the world financial crisis. This is due to (i) The liberalization process in India has its checks and balances consistent with the unique social requirements of the country. (ii) The Indian banking system has always been conservative which has prevented the crisis (iii) The Indian psyche is generally savings oriented and living within means is part of the mind set. These three causes have reduced the effect of global turbulence in the Indian economy. However, there will be reduction in export and reduction in outsourcing. The drop in annual growth rate of GDP could be around two to three percent.

This is the time we need innovation in our thinking to rejuvenate the agricultural sector particularly through value addition and the small and medium scale industries and enterprises for making higher levels of contribution to the GDP. Now, let me give my visualization of India during the year 2020.
Distinctive profile of the nation

1. A Nation where the rural and urban divide has reduced to a thin line.
2. A Nation where there is an equitable distribution and adequate access to energy and quality water.
3. A Nation where agriculture, industry and service sector work together in symphony.
4. A Nation where education with value system is not denied to any meritorious candidates because of societal or economic discrimination.
5. A Nation which is the best destination for the most talented scholars, scientists, and investors.
6. A Nation where the best of health care is available to all.
7. A Nation where the governance is responsive, transparent and corruption free.
8. A Nation where poverty has been totally eradicated, illiteracy removed and crimes against women and children are absent and none in the society feels alienated.
9. A Nation that is prosperous, healthy, secure, devoid of terrorism, peaceful and happy and continues with a sustainable growth path.
10. A Nation that is one of the best places to live in and is proud of its leadership.

Integrated Action for developed India

To achieve the distinctive profile of India, we have the mission of transforming India into a developed nation. We have identified five areas where India has a core competence for integrated action:

(1) Agriculture and food processing (2) Education and Healthcare (3) Information and Communication Technology (4) Reliable and Quality Electric power, Surface transport and Infrastructure for all parts of the country and (5) Self reliance in critical technologies.

These five areas are closely inter-related and if progressed in a coordinated way, will lead to food, economic and national security. During my visits to different parts of the country and during my discussions with many citizens, the results of such integrated efforts have started becoming visible. One major mission is the development of infrastructure for bringing rural prosperity are through Provision of Urban Amenities in Rural Areas (PURA) through creation of three connectivities namely physical, electronic, knowledge leading to economic connectivity.

The number of PURA for the whole country is estimated to be 7000 covering 600,000 villages where 700 million people live. Government is planning to implement 2 PURA’s per district across 600 districts in the nation. There are number operational PURA in the country initiated by many educational, healthcare institutions, industry and NGO’s. PURA has become an important development activity for bridging the gap in GDP growth arising out of the present economic conditions.

Dear friends, let me now focus on three important missions which will bring societal transformation and propel the vision 2020 missions. They are the following:

1. PURA Mission which will only bring the sustainable rural development and transform the lives of 600,000 villages where 70% of the population lives and bridges the rural and urban divide thus enabling reverse migration.
2. Societal GRID which will bring education, healthcare, knowledge coupled with e-governance services in an inclusive way to the citizens at the same time in a transparent way.
3. NPI – National Prosperity Index – a 3 dimensional measure to validate the economic growth in an inclusive manner.

First let me focus on PURA Mission.

PURA Mission

Based on the terrain and climatic conditions there could be four types of PURA in our country. They are plain terrain PURA, hill PURA, coastal PURA and desert PURAs. The population in the Plain terrain and Coastal region PURA may be in the region of 20,000 to 100,000 in a cluster of 20 to 30 villages, whereas in the Hill or Desert PURA may have a population of 7,500 to 15,000 people in a cluster of 30 to 50 villages or hamlets. It is also essential that the rural economy be driven by renewable energies such as solar, wind, bio-fuel and conversion of municipal waste into power. With this approach, the core competencies in the rural sector would be harnessed for sustainable development of the economy as a whole. Each PURA cluster, apart from concentrating on reinforcing agriculture, will emphasize on agro processing, development of rural craftsmanship, dairy, silk production and fishing and fish processing in those regions having coast lines, so that the non-farm revenue for the rural sector is enhanced, based on the competitive advantage of the region. We have discussed four connectivities namely, physical, electronic, knowledge connectivities leading to economic connectivity.

In my opinion this is not sufficient. We have to harness certain value system among people coming out of civilizational heritage which is essential for a prosperous, happy, peaceful and a safe society. For ensuring this I would consider inculcation of spiritual connectivity also in the PURA model.
Connectivity Model: Societal GRID

So far we have discussed the rural prosperity through PURA. For bridging the rural and urban divide and ensuring the equitable promotion of prosperity for the billion people, India is spearheading the connectivity mission. The core of this connectivity model for Electronic Connectivity for prosperity of one billion people is the partnership between governmental and multiple institutions in the public and private domains. The strength of this partnership for collaborative growth and economic prosperity is facilitated by free flow of knowledge and information in a seamless manner cutting across levels and boundaries embracing all walks of life in the three sectors of the economy such as agriculture, manufacturing and services. In this model, four grids bring about the interfaces of three sectors of the economy: namely, Knowledge Grid, Health Grid, e-Governance Grid and the PURA Grid.

Societal Grid consists of:

1. Knowledge GRID – Inter connecting universities with socio-economic institutions, industries and R&D organizations. India is planning to connect 5000 institutions across the country with Gigabit network for collaborative knowledge sharing platform.

2. Health Care GRID – Inter-connecting the Health Care institutions of Government, Corporate and Super specialty hospitals. Research institutions, educational institutions and ultimately, Pharma R & D institutions. India has connected around 300 remote locations so far, with more than 45 super specialty hospitals and provides tele-medicine connectivity.

3. E-Governance GRID – Inter-connecting the Central Government and State Governments and District and Block level offices for G2G and G2C connectivity. India is creating State Wide Area Network across the country. India has the fiber connectivity up to the block level and only it needs to be lighted up.

4. PURA Knowledge GRID – Connecting the PURA Nodal centers with the Village knowledge centres and Domain service providers. Since this is the backbone for rural development, all other GRIDs will infuse the knowledge into this GRID for sustainable development, healthcare and good governance.

Integrated Village knowledge centers will act as an inter-connected delivery mechanism for tele-education tele-medicine and e-Governance services apart from individual access by the people, within and between the Village Knowledge Centres through the PURA Grid.

Each grid is a system of multiple portals. The aim is to maximize gross domestic production and productivity of the land and people through maximizing the performance of each sector, synergized by the system of inter and intra-sectoral electronic connectivity to serve one billion people. This will further enhance the prosperity to 700 million people in the rural areas and 300 million plus people in the urban areas.
National Prosperity Index

While we are happy that our economy is in the ascent phase and our average growth in GDP is over 8% per annum, it is evident that economic growth is not fully reflected in the quality of life of a large number of people, particularly in rural areas and even in urban areas. Hence, we have evolved what is called a “National Prosperity Index (NPI)” which is a summation of (a) Annual growth rate of GDP; plus (b) improvement in quality of life of the people, particularly those living below the poverty line plus (c) the adoption of a value system derived from our civilizational heritage in every walk of life which is unique to India. That is NPI=a+b+c. Particularly, ‘b’ is a function of availability of housing, good water, nutrition, proper sanitation, quality education, quality healthcare, employment potential and over all improvement of quality of life. ‘c’ is a function of promoting the joint family system, creation of a spirit of working together, leading a righteous way of life, removing social inequities, and above all promoting a conflict free, harmonious society. This will be indicated by peace in families and communities, reduction in corruption index, reduction in court cases, elimination of violence against children and women and communal tensions. There should also be progressive reduction in the number of people living below the poverty line year after year leading to its becoming near zero by 2020.

All our efforts in improving the national economic performance should be guided by the measured National Prosperity Index of the nation at any point of time. With your integrated management research in Northeastern University, I would suggest that this thought of NPI may be further researched for bringing out practical formulae for measurement.
Qualities of Leadership

I have seen three dreams which have taken shape as vision, mission and realization. Space programme of ISRO (Indian Space Research Organisation), AGNI programme of DRDO (Defence Research and Development Organisation) and PURA (Providing Urban Amenities in Rural Areas) becoming the National Mission. Of course these three programmes succeeded in the midst of many challenges and problems. I have worked in all these three areas. I want to convey to you what I have learnt on leadership from these three programmes.

a. Leader must have a vision.
b. Leader must be able to travel into an unexplored path.
c. Leader must know how to manage a success and failure.
d. Leader must have courage to take decision.
e. Leader should have Nobility in management.
f. Every action of the leader should be transparent.
g. Leader should work with integrity and succeed with integrity.

I have been discussing these essential traits of creative leaders with people of eminence in different areas and students from India and abroad. From the responses I received, I am confident that the institutions are in the process of generating leaders with these traits.

Sustainable Development

Since, Northeastern University is engaged in multi disciplinary research and education; I feel it is best suited to focus on sustainable development. In this connection, some time back, I happened to read the Conference General report of the International Conference on Education for sustainable future in Sep 2003, which refers to central challenge for higher education for sustainability. Since it is relevant to this audience, I would like to quote

“The Johannesburg world summit for sustainable development has made one thing unmistakably clear that the political leadership the world over is incapable of rising to the challenge of sustainability. Yet, most of the hundred or so world leaders who attended have a higher education degree from some of the world’s most prestigious universities – the higher education sector is failing society by producing leaders incapable of addressing the most pressing problems. If higher education is the nursery of tomorrow’s leaders then the sector bears profound responsibilities to create a sustainable future. This implies that graduates of every discipline need a sound working knowledge about sustainability”.

I am sure, Northeastern University provides the students an insight into sustainability through the curriculum and project work.
Conclusion

Having discussed development vision for India, the connectivity models for global development, let me pose a question, how do you achieve global peace? I believe that one of the important foundations lie in our own way of life, which has multiple dimensions. Let me explain:

Righteousness
Where there is righteousness in the heart
There is beauty in the character.
When there is beauty in the character,
There is harmony in the home.
When there is harmony in the home.
There is an order in the nation.
When there is order in the nation,
There is peace in the world.

It is a beautiful connectivity among heart, character, nation and world. In a society we have to build righteousness among all its constituents. For the society as a whole to be righteous we need creation of righteousness in family, righteousness in education, righteousness in service, righteousness in career, righteousness in business & industry, righteousness in civil administration, righteousness in politics, righteousness in government, righteousness in law and order, and righteousness in justice.

My best wishes to all of you for success in your missions.

May God Bless You.

APJ AbdulKalam,
27.04.2009

Reasons Not To Mess with Children

2010-04-05T01:07:00.000-07:00

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

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A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

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One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'

Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted,

'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

Perfection – Japanese attitude

2009-09-25T22:29:00.000-07:00

Apparently the computer giant IBM decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project.

In the specifications, they set out that they will accept only three defective parts per 10,000.

When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter.

"We, Japanese people, had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment in a separate packaging clearly mentioned 'defective pieces' as required, not for use. Hope this pleases you."

A Jaguar dent

2009-09-01T23:47:00.000-07:00

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and drove the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown.

The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car, shouting, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?"

The young boy was apologetic. "Please mister ... please, I'm sorry... I didn't know what else to do," he pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..."

With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. "It's my brother," he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."

Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."

Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out his fancy handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay.

"Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger.

Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the little boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home. It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message:

Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!

God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us.

It's our choice: Listen to the whisper ... or wait for the brick!

Funny English killers

2009-09-01T22:58:00.000-07:00

Principal to student..." I saw you yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette?"

Class teacher once said: "Pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"

Once Hindi teacher said, "I'm going out of the world to America."

"DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK."

Don't laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....

It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said, "Why is fan not oning?" (ing form of on)

Teacher in a furious mood: "Write down ur name and father of ur name!!"

"Shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"

My manager started like this: "Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"

"I'll illustrate what I have in my mind", said the professor and erased the board.

"Will you hang that calendar or else I'll HANG MYSELF"

LIBRARIAN SCOLD, "IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

Chemistry HOD comes and tells us, "My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"

Tomorrow call your parents especially mother and father.

"Why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"

Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code, "I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??

Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class, "Keep quiet, the principal has passed away."

Productivity

2009-09-01T02:39:00.000-07:00

It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall. All the people from the department had been called. The VP was looking much tensed. The mood was so bad.

My friend asked me -"Hey, what is this meeting all about? I told - May be they will decide on when to have the next meeting. People around smiled at each other. Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high.

Around 10 people had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge.

If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP. The VP turned to the manager and told, "Hey - take how much ever resources you want. Recruit or take them from other departments. But complete the work in another 25 days. Take people and complete it man."

To this the sweet manager replied ............

"Sir ! Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don't give me nine wives and one month. I cannot do anything."

Wedding anniversary

2009-08-27T07:01:00.000-07:00

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.

I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful should remember fairies are females.

Sweet love story

2009-08-27T06:45:00.000-07:00

From the very begining, the girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy. Saying that it has got to do with family background & that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.

Due to family's pressure, the couple quarrel very often. Though the girl love the guy deeply, but she always ask him: "How deep is your love for me?"

As the guy is not good with his words, this often cause the girl to be very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the girl often vent her anger on him. As for him, he only endure it in silence.

After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies in overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl: "I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?"

The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he leave, they got engaged.

The girl went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it's hard, but both never thought of giving up.

One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realised that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying, she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. She has lost her voice......

The doctors says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing coming out from her, she broke down.

During the stay in hospital, besides silence cry,.....it's still just silence cry that companied her. Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone. Which pierced into her heart everytime it rang. She does not wish to let the guy know. & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.

With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of reply, and countless of phonecalls,.. all the girl could do, besides crying, is still crying....

The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy.

With a new environment, the girl learn sign language & started a new life. Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy. One day, her friend came & told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him.

A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing an invitation card for the guy's wedding. The girl was shattered. When she open the letter, she saw her name in it instead.

When she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her. He used sign language telling her "I've spent a year's time to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You. With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger. The girl finally smiled.

A bamboo story

2009-08-27T06:34:00.000-07:00

It was a rich country with many beautiful gardens. In one of the gardens a bamboo grove flourished. A tall and majestic bamboo stood in the middle. Its commanding appearance made it the cynosure of all those who visited the garden. The owner of the garden, whenever visited it, used to stand before the bamboo grove, especially viewing the tall bamboo with full of appreciation. He used to tell himself, “What a combination of strength, nobility, charm and grace!” The bamboo would gracefully move enjoying the wind.

With the passage of time, the bamboo grew more and more commanding in form, and proud of the owner’s appreciation. When the wind is favorable, it would dance in joyous abandon.

One day, the master came to the garden and stood before the bamboo. His eyes showed appreciation. But this time there was something more. There was an expectation too. The bamboo noticed the difference and became curious. The owner spoke to the bamboo with a tinge of sadness but his words were sure and certain. He said, “Dear Bamboo, the time has come for me to use you.” Bamboo became very happy in having been spoken to by the owner. It said, “I am waiting, Master, to be of any use to you. Please tell me, what should I do?”

Owner: “I shall have to trim off all your branches and leaves. Then I shall have to cut you. I shall also have to split you.”

The bamboo became nervous. It asked, “Should you do all these to me? Can’t you use me without hurting me?”

Owner: “Not at all. As you are, you are only beautiful to look at. If you should serve the world and be useful, you have to submit yourself to all these sufferings. We actually melt the gold to remove its impurities. We pound the paddy to get the rice out of it. We dig the earth to get water. There is no gain without pain.”

Bamboo: (in a shivering voice) Is that so?

Owner: Yes. Without cutting you, I cannot make use of you.

The entire world heard this. Struggle, sacrifice and pain – From these only flow success and glory. This is unassailable law of Mother Nature!

The bamboo realized the difference between being just a decorative object and an useful object. It said, “I agree Master, Please make me useful.”

The owner trimmed off its thorny branches and used them to make a fence. The heap of leaves was promptly thrown into manure pit. The long piece of bamboo was split into two. The groove was made smooth by cutting the inner ridges at the nodes. One end of the bamboo channel was inserted at the bottom of the broad vessel placed near the well. The other end was linked with the mouth of a channel in the field that meandered throughout the field, watering plants on its way.

Everyday water would flow from the well to the thirsty plants through the bamboo channel. The bamboo felt like a mother feeding her babies. It is not moving now; it is not dancing now; it is not proudly standing tall now. It is on the ground half-buried. But it is useful now. It helps a number of plants grow.

Standing majestically tall, the bamboo had a stately beauty. Being humble on ground as a channel, it commands a divine grace.A

The Indian Cow: IAS essay

2009-08-26T03:34:00.000-07:00

You'll forget English by the time you finish reading this. This is a true essay written by a Bihari candidate at the UPSC (IAS) Examinations.

The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:

Indian Cow

HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [but will do so when he is got child]. He is same like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilized for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [Horses don't have any such attachment]

What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, waterman's and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, Also his other motion.. gober is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes [like Pizza], in hand and drying in the sun.

Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chews with his teeth that are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, especially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the files which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.

The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow......

We are informed that the candidate passed the exam, and is now an IAS, is Bihar in somewhere..[Sorry somewhere in Bihar]T

Chinese Proverbs (Part 1)

2009-08-25T01:18:00.000-07:00

A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark.

A closed mind is like a closed book; just a block of wood.

Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.

Behind an able man there are always other able men.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for the rest
of his life.

He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.

Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself.

If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day, go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.

To walk only on sunny days is to never reach one’s destination.

When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

With time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown.

You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair.

Trifles and Perfection

2009-08-24T05:24:00.000-07:00

A friend called on Michelangelo, who was finishing a statue. Sometime afterwards he called again. The sculptor was still at his work.

His friend looking at the figure exclaimed, "You have been idle since I saw you last."

"By no means," replied the sculptor, "I have retouched this part, and polished that. I have softened this feature, and brought out this muscle. I have given more expression to this lip, and more energy to this limb."

"Well, well," said his friend, "but all these are trifles."

"It may be so," replied Michelangelo, "but recollect that trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle."

Non performing wife

2009-08-24T01:13:00.000-07:00

A Quality engineer married an average girl

After two years of tough life with her, finally engineer got angry and sent note to father-in-law stating that

" YOUR PRODUCT NOT MEETING MY REQUIREMENTS".

The smart father-in-law replies,
"WARRANTY EXPIRED,MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE"

Intelligent doctor

2009-08-21T02:11:00.000-07:00

A young woman wasn't feeling well, and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician.

"I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that."

The woman went to the doctor's office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced. "I'm back!"

Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said, "Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit."

What is computer's gender?

2009-08-17T01:45:00.000-07:00

A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic ;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

Romance never dies

2009-08-12T06:08:00.000-07:00

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second.

A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you use to bite my neck."

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going ?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"

Extramarital affair story

2009-08-12T05:29:00.000-07:00

One morning at a doctor's clinic a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?" The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That's how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.. What the hell happened to you?" He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late.. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu......?" "Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor."

Santa loses hand

2009-08-06T00:24:00.000-07:00

Santa used to work in a saw-mill. He was in hospital after he lost his arm in an accident.

Banta was visiting him in the hospital.

Banta said, "It was really bad that you lost your hand. However thank God that it was your left hand, since you are right handed."

Santa replied, "It is also because of my quick thinking. Actually it was the right hand which was going to be caught in the machine. Then I realized that I am right handed and so switched hands just in time!

Never Ever Lie To A Woman

2009-08-04T00:25:00.000-07:00

A man called home to his wife and said, 'Darling , I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" He added, "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

He said, 'Yes! Lots of salmons, some bluegills, and a few swordfishes. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to do?'

The wife replied, 'I did, dear. They're in your fishing box! ...'

INFOSCION to a POLITICION

2009-07-29T01:42:00.000-07:00

Continuing my tryst with capturing the life and times of Nandan Nilekani in his new avatar as a Cabinet Minister, here is what he had penned after his first day in the Parliament. The last entry stopped when the House was just about to begin. Let's see what happened thereafter....

The House was in pin drop silence. I was brimming with anticipation and excitement!!!! Manmohan had informed me that my introduction was one of the important points of the agenda. I hoped that I will be able to make my speech properly. After so many interviews and conferences, I was nervous today!!!! After the Speaker indicated that the proceedings of the House could begin, Manmohan formally introduced me to the entire House. He mentioned that as the head of the Unique Identification Authority of India, I was responsible to ensure that each and every Indian had a digital smart card as a proof of his existence.

Manmohan spoke about why I was selected and also some references to the various projects executed by me in Infosys were mentioned. The House listened with rapt attention. I was asked to say a few words and I did exactly the same!!! I thanked the Government of India for having given me this opportunity and I assured the House that I would strive to successfully deliver this project. The Speaker then formally inducted me into the House and before the proceedings could move any forward, there
was a small commotion on the other side of the hall.

It was Minister of Textiles who had a comment to make before the next point on the agenda. He made a request that I should be attired in a more austere way instead of a flashy suit. It did not go well with the image of a minister who should live to serve the common man and should be less ostentatious in his habits. I stood up to reply. I offered my apologies to the Honourable Minister and assured that I shall be in a more acceptable dress next time. I felt that he was right. We also used to have corporate dress code in Infosys. So it's here as well!!!!

I sat down and felt somebody nudging me. I turned around and to my surprise; it was the former Indian skipper and one of my favourite batsman Mohd. Azharuddin. I remembered that he had recently won the elections. I smiled at him and mentioned to him that I used to like his game very much, shaking his hand. No Rolex, I noticed. Azhar told me that he would "fix" me an appointment with an Italian designer who had designed his dapper Kurta suit. An Italian designer in Milan doing Kurtas!!!!! I made a note of this and reminded myself to give this example to Friedman for his next book," The World Markets are
flattened".

Since there was no doubt about the "Fixational" capacities of Azhar, I told him to give me the details and I would consider. The proceedings of the House went on with numerous bills being debated and passed as I sat as a passive audience waiting for my project's turn to come up. After the lunch break, it was the moment for me!!!!

MY PROJECT"S FIRST REVIEW CAME UP FOR PRESENTATION.

I was at sea. My laptop did not have any reserve power. I went to Manmohan and apprised him of the situation. I was sweating. He calmly replied that this would not be a cause of concern. I was flummoxed!!!!

The Speaker asked me to explain to the House on what were my plans for the Unique Identity Project. I replied that I have a plan prepared for 30-60-90-120 days' milestones and I have presentation to make for which I need a power socket, a projector and a screen. I had no idea what was going to happen after this.

The next couple of minutes were a complete jolt for me. I was completely in a tizzy. Let me just summarize what happened. A Joint Cabinet Secretary Committee was set up to judge the feasibility of my request. The Under Secretaries for the Ministries of Power, IT and Broadcasting will prepare a Viability Report after scrutinizing National Security threats to my request. This was because the power socket comes under Power, laptop comes under IT and projector comes under Broadcasting. I have also been told to reconsider my timelines of 30-60-90 days and start thinking in terms of years. Probably, they are right. I did not have the foresight in this matter.

The summary of the issue is that I need to come up with a more inclusive, democratic, comprehensive long term plan for this project to be executed over the next five years. I have also been given a presentation slot 3 months from now (by which the issues related to the power cord etc will also be resolved). I am filled with mixed reactions. I was planning for a quick resolution; the management wants a strategic solution. I come out of the House and text Murthy.

"You won't believe it but these guys work just like us. I am on a NATIONAL BENCH for the next three months!!!!!!!!"

How Smart is your Right foot?

2009-07-28T01:43:00.000-07:00

You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this!

It is from an orthopaedic surgeon. This will confuse your mind and you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It is pre-programmed in your brain!

While sitting in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction. Does it !!!

Marraige Passbook

2009-07-24T07:30:00.000-07:00

Rutali married Hitesh this day.

At the end of the wedding party, Rutali's mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook with Rs.1000 deposit amount.

Mother: 'Rutali, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriagelife. When there's something happy and memorable happened in your newlife, put some money in. Write down what it's about next to the line. The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in. I've done the first one for you today. Do the others with Hitesh.When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.'

Rutali shared this with Hitesh when getting home.

They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can bemade.

This was what they did after certain time:
- 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage
- 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Rutali
- 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali
- 15 Apr: Rs..2000, Rutali got pregnant
- 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted
and so on...

However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things. They didn't talk much. They regretted that they had married the nastiest people in the world.... no more love... Kind of typical nowadays, huh?

One day Rutali talked to her Mother: 'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce. I can't imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!'

Mother: 'Sure, girl, that's no big deal. Just do whatever you want if you really can't stand it. But before that, do one thing first. Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first. You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'

Rutali thought it was true. So she went to the bank, waiting at the queueand planning to cancel the account. While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She looked, and looked, and looked.

Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind. Her eyes were then filled with tears. She left and went home. When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce..

The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Rutali. She found a new deposit of Rs.5000. And a line next to the record: 'This is the day I notice how much I've loved you through out all these years. How much happiness you've brought me.'

They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe. Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired? I did not ask. I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone through all the good years in their life.

"When you fall, in any way, Don't see the place where you fell, instead see the place from where you slipped.

Life is about correcting mistakes."

Sardar's logic at beer bar

2009-07-23T04:21:00.000-07:00

A Pakistani, a Bangladeshi and a Sardarji are sitting at a Pub in Bavaria drinking beer.

The Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says 'In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice.'

The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces... He says 'In Dhaka we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.'

OUR Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi. He says

'In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice'.

No offense.

Cuttest proposal

2009-07-23T01:25:00.000-07:00

Boy – Can I take your photo?

Girl – For what?

Boy – So that I can show God what I want.

Lateral Thinking

2009-07-23T01:24:00.000-07:00

Many years ago in a small Indian village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender.

The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful daughter. So he proposed a bargain.

He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter.

He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.

1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven.

2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven.

3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.

Now, imagine that you were standing in the field. What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?

Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:

1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.

2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat.

3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

Take a moment to ponder over the story.

The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers.

What would you recommend to the Girl to do? ....

Well, here is what she did ....

The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked !"

Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Most complex problems do have a solution. It is only that we don't attempt to think.

Breakfast at McDonald's

2009-07-22T03:09:00.000-07:00

This is a good story and is true, please read it all the way through until the end! (After the story, there are some very interesting facts!):

I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology.

The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with.

Her last project of the term was called, 'Smile.'

The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions.

I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway. So, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.

Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning.

It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son.

We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did.

I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved.

As I turned around I smelled a horrible 'dirty body' smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men.

As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was 'smiling.'

His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance.

He said, 'Good day' as he counted the few coins he had been clutching.

The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation.

I held my tears as I stood there with them.

The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted.

He said, 'Coffee is all Miss' because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm).

Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action.

I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray.

I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand.

He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, 'Thank you.'

I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, 'I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope.'

I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, 'That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope.'

We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give.

We are not church goers, but we are believers.

That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love.

I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand.

I turned in 'my project' and the instructor read it.

Then she looked up at me and said, 'Can I share this?'

I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class.

She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed.

In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student.

I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn:

UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.

Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS - NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE.

There is an Angel sent to watch over you.

In order for her to work, you must pass this on to the people you want watched over.

An Angel wrote:

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart.

God Gives every bird it's food, but He does not throw it into its nest.

Send it back, you'll see why !

What Do Women Really Want

2009-07-22T00:25:00.000-07:00

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed. The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water, often made obscene noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.

Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question:
What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life. Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total freedom. What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable.

The wedding night approached: Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she'd been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night? What a cruel question? Gawain began to think of his predicament: During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friend, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments? What would you do?

What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read until you've made your own choice.

Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.

People call me "Tree"

2009-07-21T05:48:00.000-07:00

I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There is one girl who I love a lot but never dared to go after. She didn't have a pretty face, good figure or an outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl. I liked her. I really liked her. I liked her innocence, her frankness, her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her was that I felt somebody so ordinary like her was not a good match for me. I was also afraid that after we were together all the feelings would vanish. I was also afraid other's gossip would hurt her.

I felt that if she were my girl, she'd be mine ultimately & I didn't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompanying me for 3 years. She watched me chase other girls, and I have made her heart cry for 3 years.

She was a good actor, and me a demanding director. When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled & said, "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut. I did not want to know what caused her to cry. Later that day, I returned from soccer training to get something & watched her cry in the classroom for an hour or so. My fourth girlfriend did not like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she is not the type that will start the quarrel. However,
I still sided my girlfriend. I shouted at her & ignored her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she was laughing & joking with me like nothing happened. I know she was hurt but she did not know deep down inside I was hurt too.

When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. Later that day, I told her I had something to tell her. I told her about my break up. Coincidentally, she has something to tell me too, about her getting together..

I knew who the person was. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the School. I did not show her my heartache, just smiles & best wishes. Once I reached home, I could not breathe. Tears rolled & I broke down. How many times have I seen her cry for the man who did not acknowledge her presence?

During graduation, I read a SMS in my mobile. It said, "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"

What got into you?

2009-07-21T05:21:00.000-07:00

A teenager lived alone with his father, and the two of them had a very special relationship. The father believed in encouragement.

This young man was the smallest of the class when he entered high school. His father continued to encourage him but also made it very clear that he did not have to play football if he didn't want to. But the young man loved football and decided to hang in there. He was determined to try his best at every practice, and perhaps he'd get to play when he became a senior. Even though the son was always on the bench, his father was always in the stands cheering. He never missed a game.

All through high school he never missed neither a practice nor a game, but remained a bench warmer all four years. His faithful father was always in the stands, always with words of encouragement for him. When the young man went to college, he decided to try out for the football team as a "walk-on." Everyone was sure he could never make the cut, but he did. The coach admitted that he kept him on the roster because he always puts his heart and soul to every practice, and at the same time, provided the other members with the spirit and hustle they badly needed. The news that he had survived the cut thrilled him so much that he rushed to the nearest phone and called his father.

His father shared his excitement and was sent season tickets for all the college games. This persistent young athlete never missed practice during his four years at college, but he never got to play in the game. It was the end of his senior football season, and as he trotted onto the practice field shortly before the big play off game, the coach met him with a telegram. The young man read the telegram and he became deathly silent. Swallowing hard, he mumbled to the coach, "My father died this morning. Is it all right if I miss practice today?"

The coach put his arm gently around his shoulder and said, "Take the rest of the week off, son. And don't even plan to come back to the game on Saturday." Saturday arrived, and the game was not going well.

In the third quarter, when the team was ten points behind, a silent young man quietly slipped into the empty locker room and put on his football gear. As he ran onto the sidelines, the coach and his players were astounded to see their faithful team-mate back so soon.

"Coach, please let me play. I've just got to play today," said the young man. The coach pretended not to hear him. There was no way he wanted his worst player in this close playoff game. But the young man persisted, and finally feeling sorry for the kid, the coach gave in. "All right," he said. "You can go in." Before long, the coach, the players and everyone in the stands could not believe their eyes. This little unknown, who had never played before, was doing everything right.

The opposing team could not stop him. He ran, he passed, blocked and tackled like a star. His team began to triumph. The score was soon tied.

In the closing seconds of the game, this kid intercepted a pass and ran all the way for the winning touchdown. The fans broke loose. His team-mates hoisted him onto their shoulders. Such cheering you've never heard! Finally,
after the stands had emptied and the team had showered and left the locker room, the coach noticed that the young man was sitting quietly in the corner all alone. The coach came to him and said, "Kid, I can't believe it. You were fantastic!

Tell me what got into you? How did you do it?"

He looked at the coach, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Well, you knew my dad died, but did you know that my dad was blind?" The young man swallowed hard and forced a smile, "Dad came to all my games, but today was the first time he could see me play, and I wanted to show him I could do it . . . "

SO - REMEMBER RIGHT NOW:

* Somebody is very proud of you.
* Somebody is thinking of you.
* Somebody is caring about you.
* Somebody misses you.
* Somebody wants to talk to you.
* Somebody wants to be with you.
* Somebody hopes you are not in trouble.
* Somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.
* Somebody wants to hold your hand.
* Somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
* Somebody wants you to be happy.
* Somebody wants you to find him / her.
* Somebody wants to give you a gift.
* Somebody wants to hug you.
* Somebody thinks you ARE a gift.
* Somebody admires your strength.
* Somebody wants to protect you.
* Somebody can't wait to see you.
* Somebody loves you for who you are.
* Somebody treasures your spirit.
* Somebody is glad that you are their friend.
* Somebody wants to get to know you better.
* Somebody wants to be near you.
* Somebody wants you to know they are there for you.
* Somebody would do anything for you.
* Somebody wants to share their dreams with you.
* Somebody is alive because of you.
* Somebody needs your support.
* Somebody will cry when they read this.
* Somebody needs you to have faith in them.
* Somebody trusts you.
* Somebody hears a song that reminds them of you.

Don't cry because it is over - smile because it happened.

A Successful Relationship

2009-07-21T04:11:00.000-07:00

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the apple of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for work so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle and fascinated by its color, drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just four words.

The husband just said "I Love You Darling" The husband's totally unexpected reaction is proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not happen.

No one to be blamed. She had lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her. If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiving attitude, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.

"A successful relationship requires falling in love many times with the same person . . . "

That night it rained

2009-07-21T03:48:00.000-07:00

"Lets go for a walk", said Rahul.

"Yippee. Lets go", said Swetha, almost jumping out of her seat.

It was yet another boring day in the Mysore training institute. Dusk was breaking in. Swetha had already taken two breaks since lunch. Nevertheless, she had been anticipating Rahul's invitation for another break.

Rahul and Swetha had known each other for the last couple of months. They had been together since the training days. People knew them as the best of friends. Rahul, the regular T-D-H type, who spoke with a heavy Bengali accent, was a popular flirt in the DC. On the other hand, Swetha was a chubby sweet little girl, who was always on the lookout for sorrow souls. They enjoyed being in each other's company. Swetha would disclose all his crushes to Rahul, and Rahul would always be seen taking classes from Swetha, on how to impress a girl in 24
hours. Rahul had helped Swetha to forget her 7-year-old single lane relationship and Swetha would see to it that Rahul would never be lonely. Most of the time, they were together. People admired, some even sneered with jealousy, the relation that these two shared.

The walk today was unusually long.

"This is gonna be one of our last walks", muttered Rahul in a low tone.

"I know", replied Swetha in a soft, almost inaudible voice.

Mysore DC had completed the long cycle training and the postings had been announced the previous day. Swetha was posted at Mysore base location, while Rahul would have to shift to Bangalore. Even though
they both always knew that they had to separate one day... they did not expect it to happen so soon.

Swetha, who belonged to the sentimental group, looked at Rahul and managed to pass a disguised smile. "I tried my best for a swap. The HRC is stubborn. She is still holding on to 'EURP P.U. doesn't encourage swaps.' I cannot stay here alone Rahul."

"I swear, I am gonna miss you badly too dear" replied Rahul, again faking a smile.

"Hey don't worry sweetie, Mysore is just three hours from Bangalore. Just call me and I will be here." said Rahul, trying to cheer her up, though his words did not light up Swetha's face.

She just replied with a frown. "You will be busy with your new girl friends and your work. You will soon forget me"

"Hey come on!" said an offended Rahul. "You are my best friend. Can I ever forget you dear?"

"You just wait and see", came an almost sobbing reply.

"Don't start crying dear." Said Rahul with a gloomy face... "Oh... by the way... it's getting late... let's go back" he said, taking a U-turn.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As destiny wanted the next week saw Rahul packing his bags for Bangalore, while Swetha moved out of her PG, to a rented apartment closer to her office. They parted with a few wet handkerchiefs. The bus started moving. Rahul looking through the Volvo glass was trying to say something to Swetha. His actions deciphered, as "I will call you when I reach there. Gonna miss you. Take care... Bye-Bye"

Swetha was comforted by her own tears. She felt very lonely, as if she had lost something. Something, very precious. Consoling herself, she went back to her room, shut the door, and started sobbing again. She had found a very good friend in Rahul, and he was her major support. She had no clue in the beginning that she would get so much attached and more important... too much dependent on him. She sobbed herself to sleep.

A couple of hours later, she heard her mobile ringing. One look at the tiny screen, which happened to display, "Rahul calling..." and she was overjoyed. She answered the call with a "Hey... You reached so
soon? How was the trip?"

"Yo dear! Just reached. Bangalore seems to be bliss. The climate is almost like Mysore. It is wonderful... though Mysore was better.... Because I miss you badly here..."

"I miss you too dear," said Swetha... trying to stop her tears. They talked on for almost an hour. Swetha was all the time advising him, on what to do and what not to do. And Rahul was responding with a "Yes
dear" "Ofcourse I will" "Sure, I wont"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A couple of days had gone by. They used to call each other every day. They did not miss the good morning / good evening / how are you / I am fine ... SMS almost every hour. Thanks to the Airtel to Airtel free SMS scheme. Slowly the days went by. Two weeks had past since they parted.

That Saturday, Rahul called up Swetha in the morning and said... "Hey Swetha... you know what... I am gonna have a terrific weekend. We are going to check out Nandi hills today."

"We? What do you mean by we?" asked a puzzled Swetha.

"Oh Oh. I completely forgot to tell you about my new friend. She is so cute. We are in the same project. We both are going to the hill station. Just about to leave... So thought of calling you up and say a hi."

Somehow the "hi" was not so enticing for Swetha. Back there, she was finding it hard to talk to anyone after Rahul left, while on the other hand, someone had already taken her place in Rahul's life. She managed to mumble out "That's great Rahul. Have a nice time... and enjoy yourself." She was kinda upset, but dint show it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Days went by and Swetha was feeling that the distance between her and Rahul was slowly increasing.

Then one day... the phone at her desktop rang. "Swetha... you have to go to Bangalore for one week to gather the details of our APPLE project". It was the voice of her PM. Swetha could hardly believe her ears. "Wow! What luck! I can meet Rahul for a week," she said to herself. She was very much happy and excited over this new twist. As
luck would have it... it was Rahul's birthday next week. She thought of giving him a big surprise. Therefore, she hid the news from him.

Next week, Swetha was in Bangalore. Thanks to the huge crowd of people, she managed to go unnoticed by anyone, especially Rahul, for the first day. It was evening. She had left office early. She went to the market and brought some beautiful flowers. She had been waiting for this day. Flowers have this magical way of pleasing people... and so she was choosy in selecting them. Rahul was her best friend, and she cared a lot about him.

Taking the flowers home, she had her dinner and was waiting for time to pass. She knew Rahul's address... she left the hotel at 11:30 and hired a taxi to reach Rahul's place. It was a short distance away, so she reached pretty soon. She groped around and found out his flat. The lights were still on. She frowned. She wanted this to be a
magnificent surprise and hence had expected him to be sleeping. Nevertheless, she timidly went to the door and rang the bell. The door opened in a few seconds... There was Rahul. "Happy birthday..." said Swetha. Rahul was stunned. He could not believe his eyes. Taking the flowers, he said. "Oh gosh! Thank you so much Swetha. I never expected you... come on... come inside..." Swetha removed her shoes and went in. Little did she knew that there was a bigger surprise waiting for her inside. She saw that the room was decorated and there was a birthday cake, which had candles on it. There was a pretty girl standing there in blue denims and a red top.

"Err... Swetha let me introduce you to Neha. And Neha, this is my friend Swetha" The girls exchanged smiles and said Hi to each other. Swetha felt uncomfortable. She wanted to be the first one to wish him on his birthday. But look here! It seemed that someone else had already done it. Still, controlling her feelings, she did not react. They sang the birthday song together, cut the cake, and had fun. The Party was over. Swetha said, "Rahul, it's getting late, I will leave now. Can you tell me where can I find a taxi?"

"Hey, are u nuts or what? It is very late. You don't need to go anywhere. Sleep here tonight. Even Neha has decided to stay back."

Swetha would never have accepted this, but the last line "Even Neha has decided to stay back" drove her to say, "Well, if you insist, I will stay back."

The next day morning, once again Shweta wished Rahul and left for her hotel.

Work was hectic. She met Rahul for his dinner party in the evening. Neha was with him. She found this annoying, but as usual, did not utter a word.

The next day morning, she called Rahul and said... "You mean fellow, you haven't shown me around Bangalore. I am free today evening. Take me to the good places"

"Sure we will do that baby." Was his reply.

The day was boring for Swetha with not much work to do. She waited until five and then buzzed him on his cell. "Where are you Rahul? Come on... let's go!"

"Oh... I am so sorry Swetha; I have this telecon thing... I am gonna be late... just wait for some time... please dear"

"Sure I will wait dear, you finish your work. Tell me where are you, I will come there and cheer you up", said Swetha.

"Hey that's fine dear. No need to take any trouble... Besides, Neha is also here."

Swetha was surprised. She had not expected him to say this. This time, not knowing how to react... she was searching for words to reply... she struggled and said... "Well.. err ... Rahul.. I am.. err very tired.. I think I will go back... err.. Let us go tomorrow..."

Rahul replied "Wow, that's fine... no problem. We will surely go tomorrow okay, thanks a ton Swetha for understanding."

Unfortunately tomorrow never came. Rahul was busy with one thing or the other. She was feeling all the more lonely and desolate. The feeling that Neha had replaced her position sank her. A frustrated and irritated Swetha was waiting for her last day in Bangalore.

That day, she did not expect Rahul to call her. So to inform him that she is leaving, she called him in the evening and told him that she is leaving in an hour. She was shocked by Rahul's reply. "Oh I am so sorry dear; I won't be able to come to see you off. Today I have a very important meeting, I am really sorry yaar."

"Its okay Rahul", said Swetha, thinking at the back of her mind... what meeting could Rahul possible have after office hours. Heartbroken by the crushing changes she found in her best friend, she left for the Majestic bus station and boarded her bus. She kept on looking outside as if she was expecting a miraculous surprise. But no one turned up. Resting her head on the slide seat, she closed her eyes. Memories of those wonderful times spent with Rahul were flashing in front of her eyes. She did not have any grudges that Rahul had replaced her, but what pricked her was how easily she was forgotten and forsaken. The journey was perhaps the dullest and saddest for Swetha.

Back in Mysore, and back to work, Shweta was trying to cope up with life. After a week, Rahul called her up. She did not want to create an issue, but just could not stand it. She blurted out everything. She asked him to give an explanation. His reply was "Look Swetha, you are a very good friend of mine. But now, there is someone more important in my life. Someone with more priority. Swetha... I am in love with Neha."

The words were so cold that Swetha could feel its bite. Gathering all the bits of her remaining calm, she sobbed and said. "I don't have any problem with that Rahul. But falling in love doesn't essentially mean that you have to forsake your old friends"

"You have never fallen in love. What will you know about love, Swetha?"

Rahul's words shattered her heart. She had never expected to hear this from the person she cared and loved the most. She quietly cut the phone. She shut her eyes tight and cried.

That night it rained.
_________________________________

This story is based on a true-life story. The names of the characters have been changed to protect their identities.

We should never forget our friends, coz it hurts. It hurts a lot, when you feel that you have been replaced... when you have been forsaken... and when you have been forgotten and when you are no longer wanted.

That is one side of the story. The other side faces the truth. Swetha has embraced the changes in her relationship and is carrying on smoothly with life. She has learned an important lesson of life.

Life is a journey. Whatever happens, pick up your baggage and move on.

The show must go on.

10 Games Women Play

2009-07-20T06:43:00.000-07:00

Number 10
The waiting game
You called her and, although you usually don't do this (or at least you shouldn't), you left a message for her to call you back. Hours or even days may pass before she returns your call. She's biding her time because she doesn't want to look too eager or too interested. Although she's interested in you, she doesn't want to risk chasing you away by appearing clingy.

What you should do: After a few days, you could call back to make sure she received the message, but after this point, it's up to her to follow up. If she doesn't, take the hint.

Number 9
The bait game
The "I think I look fat in these pants... do you?" scenario is a tricky situation. Asking for your opinion is important to her; she wants to make sure that you find her desirable. But by framing the question as an effort to validate her own opinion, she's baiting you into jamming your foot into your mouth.

What you should do: Don't take the bait. Look alive when this question hits. Don't give a long pause before answering. Of course, tell her she's beautiful and looks wonderful, whether you mean it or you're stretching the truth. If her reply is, "You're just saying that," say, "It doesn't matter what you wear, you will always be beautiful to me." Corny, yes, but you will have avoided a major meltdown.

Number 8
The playing dumb game
This happens when she doesn't want to do something. To get you to take care of it, she'll play the "I don't know how to do that" angle. The task might be programming the TiVo or installing some software. More than likely she knows how to do it, but just doesn't want to.

What you should do: In most of these situations, you could suck it up and do it yourself. But make a habit of it, and she will too. Instead, let her play her game. Do whatever it is that she doesn't want to, but teach her while you're doing it. This way, she'll have no excuses the next time around.

Number 7
The hard to get game
This isn't always just a matter of her trying to present herself as a challenge. Some women will hold back feelings if there is an emotional risk involved. She could be testing the water before she dives in, as she needs to make sure that you're worth the risk.

What you should do: If she's not clear about her feelings for you, but is giving you the "I'm interested" signals, then show her you feel the same way. But don't overdo it, as you still want to remain a challenge. Let her understand that you like her, but that you could also easily look elsewhere if things don't work out.

Number 6
The "we need to talk" game
This game usually begins when you're watching some major sporting event, like the Super Bowl. Once again, she's testing you and trying to see where your priorities are. She needs your attention and she wants it now.

What you should do: It might be wise to hit the mute button for five minutes, listen to her, and then get back to the game. If you tell her to wait until later, you might as well turn off the TV because you've just started a five hour discussion. She'll likely drill you about how you don't care about her and don't discuss your feelings anymore. Take your pick.

Breaking through the silent treatment...

Number 5
The trading goods for services game
She'll often take advantage of this game when sex is on the line. She implicitly offers to give you sex in exchange for something she wants you to do. There aren't many women out there who can resist a man who helps around the house, shops for shoes with them or agrees to treat his mother-in-law to dinner.

What you should do: The more you give into her requests, the more attractive you will be to her. So pick up your feather duster, get ready for an afternoon of shopping or prepare to make conversation with your mother in law. The bad side is that you'll be doing something you don't particularly enjoy. The good side, however, is that you'll be getting lucky at the end of the day. Make sure she lives up to her end of the bargain and that she doesn't get used this type of arrangement. You shouldn't always have to "do" something in order for her to agree to have sex with you.

Number 4
The reverse psychology game
This usually occurs when she says the opposite of what she really wants, hoping you will do exactly what she wants you to do. For example, she wants you to do the dishes, but she doesn't come right out and say it. Instead, she says she'll do the dishes, only you later discover that she's mad at you because you didn't help. Confusing, I know.

What you should do: She's just played the reverse psychology game and you've lost -- do not pass go and do not collect $200. Next time, watch her actions as she's doing the dishes (or whatever else she's doing) -- if she's banging things around, then you'd better get in there and help.

Number 3
The mind reading game
This is usually played alongside the reverse psychology game. Fellas, she wants you to read her mind because she thinks that if you really cared, you would know exactly what she wants. Although this is not a logical game, far from it, women still expect you to get them.

What you should do: Before you get out your crystal ball and start foretelling the future, just ask her what she wants, stating you'd love to make her happy. Show her you're listening and don't waste your time trying to guess what she wants. If you play the guessing game, you'll likely get it wrong.

Number 2
The silent treatment game
You know you've done something wrong when she doesn't speak to you and gives you the cold shoulder. The thing is you have no clue why she's so ticked.

What you should do: Don't ask her over and over what the problem is; you'll only make matters worse. The fact is if you don't know what you did, you've just bought some more time in the penalty box. Let her cool off while you try to figure it out. When she's ready to talk, she'll likely approach you, glare at you, make huffing sounds, or throw something at your head. At that point, you can ask her what the problem is, then get on with resolving it.

Number 1
The ultimatum game
This is the big kahuna of all games. It happens when the relationship is on the line. She expects something big. Possibly marriage, moving in together or a ring -- and if you aren't ready to take the step with her, she's willing to move on. This may be a bluff or it may not.

What you should do: If you think she's bluffing, call it. Tell her you won't be bullied. If you think she's serious, you better sit down for a chat. If you aren't ready to take the relationship a step further, then it may be time to cut your losses.

Win Wife's Love: 81 ways

2009-07-20T05:02:00.000-07:00

1. Make her feel secure, don’t threaten her with divorce.
2. Give sincere Salaams.
3. Treat her gently, like a fragile vessel.
4. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere.
5. Be generous with her.
6. Warm the seat for her, you will warm her heart.
7. Avoid anger, be in Wudhu at all times.
8. Look good and smell great for your wife.
9. Don’t be rigid or harsh-hearted or you will be broken.
10. Be a good listener.
11. Yes for flattery. No for arguing.
12. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, and names she loves to hear.
13. A pleasant surprise.
14. Preserve and guard the tongue.
15. Expect, accept, and overlook her shortcomings.
16. Give sincere compliments.
17. Encourage her to keep good relations with her family.
18. Speak of the topic of her interest.
19. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is.
20. Give each other gifts.
21. Get rid of routine, surprise her.
22. Have a good opinion of each other.
23. Have good manners, overlook small things, don’t nitpick.
24. Add a drop of patience, increase during pregnancy, menses.
25. Expect and respect her jealously.
26. Be humble.
27. Sacrifice your happiness for hers.
28. Help at home, with housework.
29. Help her love your relatives, but don’t try to force her.
30. Let her know that she is the ideal wife for you.
31. Remember your wife in Du’a.
32. Leave the past for Allah, don’t dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.
33. Don’t act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family.
34. Take Shaitan as your enemy, not your wife.
35. Put food in your wife’s mouth.
36. Treat your wife like she is the most precious pearl that you want to protect.
37. Show her your smile.
38. Don’t ignore the small things, deal with them before they be come big.
39. Avoid being harsh-hearted.
40. Respect and show that you appreciate her thinking.
41. Help her to find and build her inner strengths and skills.
42. Respect that she might not be in mood for intimacy, stay within Halaal boundaries.
43. Help her take care of the children.
44. Give her gifts with your tongue, be an artist with your compliments.
45. Sit down and eat meals together.
46. Let her know that you will be traveling or returning from travel, give her sufficient notice.
47. Don’t leave home in anger.
48. Maintain the secrecy and privacy of the home.
49. Encourage each other in worship.
50. Respect and fulfill her rights upon you.
51. Live with her in kindness, goodness, fairness in good and bad times.
52. Kiss your wife, foreplay, don’t jump on her like a bull.
53. Keep disputes between the two of you, don’t take it outside.
54. Show care for her health and well-being.
55. Remember you are not always right or perfect yourself.
56. Share your happiness and sadness with her.
57. Have mercy for her weaknesses.
58. Be a firm support for her to lean on.
59. Accept her as is, she is a package deal.
60. Have a good intention for her.
61. Cook a dish for her.
62. Designate a nice, clean, spacious area in your home for the two of you to pray at night whenever you can.
63. Women love flowers. Make a trail of them on the floor leading to the gift you made for her.
64. Give her a nice massage when she least expects it.
65. Send your wife a text message out of the blue with a message of love.
66. Send your wife an email without a reason.
67. Go out on a date or a get-away for the weekend in a nice location, preferably without kids.
68. Do something for your wife’s family, whether it is a gift, or a chat with her teen brother who needs mentoring, or whatever. It will get you lots of brownie points.
69. Do not keep reminding and demanding your rights all the time.
70. Shop groceries for her and call her from the store and ask her what she needs for the home, for herself or for her to give to people as gifts.
71. Ask her if she would like to invite her female friends over for ladies only get together and arrange for the dinner.
72. Ask her to send gifts to her parents and siblings.
73. Help her parents pay off debt. Send her poor relatives some money.
74. Write love notes or poems and place them in the book she’s been reading.
75. If she tells you something she had just learned from the Qur’an or Hadith, do not dismiss her or ridicule her effort, instead listen to her and take her word.
76. Plant her a kitchen garden with all kind of herbs she needs for cooking.
77. Adopt a kitten for her if she likes.
78. Update her PC or laptop with a new one or get her a new mobile phone.
79. Learn to do a special massage technique and surprise her with your new expertise.
80. Teach your children to respect and honor their mother.
81. Be humorous with her when she makes a mistake in the kitchen (like when she put too much salt or burnt her baking).

Common Sense Questions

2009-07-20T04:39:00.000-07:00

1. Make a grammatically correct sentence by using the verb "IS" immediately after the word "I"

2. I am having two coins of Indian currency in my pocket, the total value of which comes to 75 paisa. But mind you, one of the coins is not a fifty paisa coin. How it is possible?

3. What is taken from you before it is given to you?

4. Eventhough it belongs to you, usually others use it, What?

FOR ANSWERS, SCROLL DOWN.

1. "I" is a pronoun. or "I" is the 9th letter of the English Alphabet.

2. I said "ONE" of the coins, not "NONE". So they are 50 and 25 paisa coins. J

3. Your Photo

4. Your Name.

Technology advancement with 0

2009-07-15T06:47:00.000-07:00

In March 1992, a man living in Newtown near Boston, Massachusetts, received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away.

In April, he received another bill in a similar fashion and hence he threw that one away too.

The following month, the credit card company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his card if he didn't send them $0.00 by return of post. He called them and talked to them; they said it was a computer error and told him they'd take care of it.

The following month, our hero decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome credit card figuring that if there were purchases on his account it would put an end to his ridiculous predicament. However, in the first store that he produced his credit card in payment for his purchases, he found that his card had been cancelled.

He called the credit card company who apologized for the computer error once again and said that they would take care of it. The next day he got a bill for $0.00 stating that payment was now overdue. Assuming that, having spoken to the credit card company only the previous day, the latest bill was yet another mistake, he ignored it, trusting that the company would be as good as their word and sort the problem out.

The next month, he got a bill for $0.00 stating that he had 10 days to pay his account or the company would have to take steps to recover the debt.

Finally giving in, he thought he would play the company at their own game and mailed them a cheque for $0.00. The computer duly processed his account and returned a statement to the effect that he now owed the credit card company nothing at all.

A week later, the man's bank called him asking him what he was doing writing a cheque for $0.00. After a lengthy explanation, the bank replied that the $0.00 cheque had caused their cheque processing software to fail.

The bank could now not process ANY cheques from ANY of their customers that day because the cheque for $0.00 was causing the bank's computer to crash.

The following month, the man received a letter from the credit card company claiming that his cheque had bounced and that he now owed them $0.00 and unless he sent a cheque by return of post them would be taking steps to recover the debt.

The man, who had been considering buying his wife a computer for her birthday, bought her a typewriter instead.

Driving styles in world

2009-07-10T00:16:00.000-07:00

One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window. - Sydney

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn - Japan

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on Accelerator. .. - Boston

Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror - New York

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat - Italy

One hand on horn,
One hand on holding gear,
One ear listening to loud music,
One ear on cell phone,
One foot on accelerator,
One foot on clutch,
Nothing on break,
Eyes on females in next car ,"THIS IS #@#$!@$$%" (You guessed right)

Casual Friday at Office

2009-07-09T23:59:00.000-07:00

A Company decides to adopt Fridays as Casual Day and they issued a Memo to all department intimating the same.

Week 1
Memo 1: Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.

Week 3
Memo 2: Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day.

Week 6
Memo 3: Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude.

Week 8
Memo 4: A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Week 9
Memo No. 5: As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

Week 14
Memo 6: The Casual Day Task Force has distributed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards." A copy has been distributed to every employee.

Week 18
Memo 7: Company is providing psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day.

Week 20
Memo 8: We are no longer able to effectively support or manage Casual Day. Casual Day is discontinued

The FBI job

2009-07-09T04:27:00.000-07:00

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists: Two men and one woman..

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow our instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions.

He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

"This gun is loaded with blanks", she said. "I had to Beat him to death with the chair."

MORAL: Women will take the things literally. So be careful.

Brain vs Girlfriend

2009-07-08T23:44:00.000-07:00

No prices for guessing who won at last. Nice one...

Akash was waiting for his love.
"30 minutes late!!", his brain shouted at him, "Last time you were 5 mins late and she had literally gobbled u up, remember?"
"Yeah yeah", he said to his brain, "You know her. All moody and stuff. Oh there she is."
"Scold her, OK?", his brain adviced.
"OK I will try"
Sweet Sheetal comes with the cutest smile and says "I'm sorry honey. I was shopping for shoes and totally forgot about you."
"What if you had said that line buddy?", shouted his brain, "she would have had a nervous breakdown."
Akash ignored his brain. "Its OK honey. It is only half an hour. No problem."
She smiled once again, held his hand and asked "Hope you remember what occasion is today."
"OMG!!!", thought Akash.
"Brain ... search database for reminders, anniversaries, silly anniversaries, birthdays and birthdays of people I dont care about."
Brain got into action and started delegating work to different parts. Parallel processing... multiple search... complete memory scan.
Sheetal stared at Akash, "Hello! You have been staring at me for 2 minutes now. Are you OK?"
"Huh!", he said, "Oh, nothing's wrong. Just was lost in thought"
"No records found", said the brain.
"Da**mn!!", thought Akash.
"So what say? How do we celebrate this day?", she asked.
Akash is all confused. "Ask her ...dumbo?", said the brain.
"OK OK. Stop pushing me"
"Honey, you know my lousy memory. I guess I cant recall what today is."
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", she shouted and started crying.
"How could you forget!! It's my doggy's birthday."
"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A moment of silence.
His entire brain staff was laughing at him.
Akash was dumbfounded.
"What the hell am I supposed to do know?", he asked his brain.
"Damage control sequence initialized. Don't worry our specialist will comeback with the perfect line to make everything all right"
"Better do it fast, brainy."
The brain was working at 90% capacity - gathering and analyzing all data on 'How to handle women?'
Finally an answer was computed and communicated to Akash.
He looked up to her, and said "Of Course, I remember your doggy's birthday. How can I forget that sweet mutt's special day?"
She looked up with utter surprise.
"Huh!!! Doggy is the name of my cat you je**rk."
She stood up angrily and left.
Akash and his brain were left there clueless.

Pope driving

2009-07-08T22:37:00.000-07:00

One day, the Pope is visiting America and driving around Washington in his limo when he gets an idea.
"Driver? Can I drive for a while?"
"Sure," says the driver. How can you say no to the Pope? So the Pope takes the wheel and starts driving like a maniac all around Washington -- dodging in and out of traffic, going eighty, cutting people off. Soon, a cop pulls him over. But when the Pope rolls down the window, the cop stops dead in his tracks, and goes back to the car.
"We got somebody really important here," he says to his partner.
"Who is it? Is it a senator?"
"No. More important."
"The president?"
"No. More important."
"An ambassador? Who?"
"I don't know. But the Pope is his driver."

Love, faith and belief

2009-07-07T23:34:00.000-07:00

The year was 1902 when the Professor questioned his student whether it was God who created everything that exists in the universe?
Student replied: "Yes."

Professor questioned again: "What about evil? Has God created evil also?"
Student was silent.

Then student requested whether he may ask a question?
Professor allowed him to do so.

Student asked: "Does cold exists?"
Professor replied: "Yes; don’t you feel the cold, dear?"
Student said: "You are wrong, Sir; cold is the complete absence of heat."

Student asked again: "Does darkness exists?"
Professor answered" "Yes."
Student replied: "You are again wrong; there is no such thing like darkness; its actually the absence of light. We can study light and heat but not darkness and cold. Similarly, the evil does not exist. Actually, it is the absence of love, faith and true belief in God."

The student was Albert Einstein.

Story of a Lizard

2009-07-03T08:51:00.001-07:00

This is a true story that happened in Japan. In order to renovate the house, someone in Japan breaks open the wall. Japanese houses normally have a hollow space between the wooden walls. When tearing down the walls, he found that there was a lizard stuck there because a nail from outside hammered into one of its feet. He sees this, feels pity, and at the same time curious, as when he checked the nail, it was nailed 10 years ago when the house was first built.

What happened?

The lizard has survived in such position for 10 years! In a dark wall partition for 10 years without moving, it is impossible and mind-blowing. Then he wondered how this lizard survived for 10 years. Without moving a single step since its foot was nailed!

So he stopped his work and observed the lizard, what it has been doing, and what and how it has been eating. Later, not knowing from where it came appears another lizard, with food in its mouth. Ah! He was stunned and touched deeply.

For the lizard that was stuck by nail, another lizard has been feeding it for the past 10 years. Imagine it has been doing that untiringly for 10 long years, without giving up hope on its partner.

Think, will you do that to your partner? Think that will you do it to your Mom, who brought you after a big struggle of nine long months? Or at least to your dad, friends, co-workers, brothers and sisters? Imagine what a small creature can do that a creature blessed with a brilliant mind can't. As information and communication technology advances, our access to information becomes faster and faster. But is the distance between human beings it getting closer as well?

Please never abandon your loved ones...

Never say you are busy when they really need you. You may have the entire world at your feet. But you might be the only world to them. A moment of negligence might break the very heart which loves you through all odds.

Before you say something just remember: It takes a moment to break but an entire life to make. To live use heart and to survive use brains.

Sardar rocks again

2009-06-16T00:01:00.000-07:00

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out

*********
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else

*********
Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor

*********
Ultimate answer while changing the job.
Interviewer: Why did you change your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where

*********
Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again

*********
Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole

*********
Sardar wanted to make a STD call to Punjab. He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to Punjab and made a local call.

*********
Oye paaji, apni pregnant wife ko itne dard mein hospital ki jagah pizza hut kyun leja raha hai?
Sardarji: Kyun key pizza hut mein "Delivery Free" hai.<

*********
A Sardar enters shop shouts, "Where is my free gift with this oil?"
Shopkeeper: "Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab."
Sardar : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.

*********
One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!

*********
Teacher: A for?
Sardar: Apple
Teacher: Jor se bolo?
Sardar: Jay mata di.

*********
American says: " US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai.."
Sardarji says: " India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"

*********
Sardar orders pizza.
Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces?
Sardar: 4 hi karde 8 khaye nahi jayenge

*********
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya

*********
Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.

*********
Pathan sitting on the top of the mountain and studying.
When a person asked what he was doing?
He replied, Oye! Higher studies yaar.

*********
2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.

*********
A sardar learning english introduces his family in the party:
Hi! I am sardar, this is my sardarni, he is my kid, & she is my kidney.

*********
Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You r nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent my wife with him

Sardar stress buster

2009-06-15T01:38:00.000-07:00

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White

Sardar: Miss, Do u called 2 my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- "1 Miss Call".

Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?

Question: "Should Women have Children after 35?"
Smart Sardar Replied: "No! 35 Children R More than Enough!!"

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"

Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:"I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied: "I Mr YOU" !!.

Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key
Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 Months Ago
Dr:Wat were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key

Why Sardar opens his lunch box in the middle of the road???
Just 2 confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office....

After finishing MBBS, Sardar started his practice. He first checked the Patient's Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly Said: Torch is okay"

IPL in school exam

2009-06-15T01:35:00.000-07:00

Cricket has reached exciting levels with IPL. What would happen infusing the same thing into exams. Here are some suggestions:-

Reduce exam duration to 1 hr and marks to 50.
Introduce strategic break after 30 minutes.
Give free hit that is a chance for students to frame their own questions and write answers.
1st 15 minutes power play that is no invigilator in the exam hall. (Wow…!!! I will love this...!)
Introduce fair play awards.
Cheer girls to cheer for every correct answer written....!!!

Most difficult riddle

2009-06-15T01:32:00.000-07:00

Eighty percent of Kindergartners solved this riddle, but only 5% of Stanford graduates figured it out!

Can you answer the following question? in one word?

1. The word has seven letters...
2. Preceded God...
3. Greater than God...
4. More Evil than the devil...
5. All poor people have it...
6. Wealthy people need it...
7. If you eat it, you will die.

Did you figure it out?

Try hard before looking at the answers

Did you get it yet?

Give up?

Brace yourself for the answer....

The Answer is:

NOTHING! NOTHING has 7 letters.
NOTHING preceded God.
NOTHING is greater than God.
NOTHING is more Evil than the devil.
All poor people have NOTHING.
Wealthy people need NOTHING.
If you eat NOTHING, you will die.

10 best moments in life

2009-06-15T01:30:00.000-07:00

Giving the 1st month salary to parents with care.
Thinking your love with tears.
Looking old photos & smiling.
Thinking your past school and college days.
A sweet & emotional chat with friends
Finding money in old dress when needed.
Holding hands with your loved ones for a walk.
Getting a hug from one who cares you.
1st kiss to your child when he /she born.
The moments when your eyes are filled with tears after a big laugh.

20 Office Rules

2009-04-27T06:51:00.000-07:00

1. Rule 1. - The Boss is always right.

2. Rule 2. - If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.

3. Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks, and promotions.

4. Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down". The more intelligent a person, the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.

5. If you are good, you will get all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

6.. When the Bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

7. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you are going to do.

8. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

9. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

11. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it...

12. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

13.. Following the rules will not get the job done.

14. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

15. Everything can be filed under "Miscellaneous" .

16. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

17. You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work you are supposed to be doing.

18. In order to get a promotion, you need not necessarily know your job.

19. In order to get a promotion, you only need to pretend that you know your job.

20. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

The success of marriage

2009-04-22T04:03:00.001-07:00

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th Marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? "

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.

This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out
the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!

I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?".

She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."

Husband:"That's it. We are happy ever after."

Excellence is this

2009-04-14T23:09:00.000-07:00

A German once visited a temple under construction where he saw a sculptor making an idol of God. Suddenly he noticed a similar idol lying nearby. Surprised, he asked the sculptor, "Do you need two statues of the same idol?" "No," said the sculptor without looking up, "We need only one, but the first one got damaged at the last stage." The gentleman examined the idol and found no apparent damage. "Where is the damage?" he asked. "There is a scratch on the nose of the idol." said the sculptor, still busy with his work. "Where are you going to install the idol?"

The sculptor replied that it would be installed on a pillar twenty feet high. "If the idol is that far, who is going to know that there is a scratch on the nose?" the gentleman asked. The sculptor stopped his work, looked up at the gentleman, smiled and said, "I will know it."

100% Relationship

2009-04-14T04:58:00.000-07:00

A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her. The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed.

The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised.

That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn't sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.

Moral of the story: If you don't give your hundred percent in a relationship, you'll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent. This is applicable for any relationship like love, employer-employee relationship,friendship etc.,
Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully.

Good night kiss

2009-04-14T04:55:00.000-07:00

One night a guy took his girlfriend home. As they were about to say each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a little in the mood. With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss?"

Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at her.

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

"No way. It's just too risky!"

"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"

"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"

"Oh yes you can. Please?" ............ .........

"No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you ... "

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and the girl's older sister showed up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she said, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of ours. "TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE CALLING BELL ! !"

Men are never depressed

2009-04-13T23:14:00.001-07:00

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

10 lies by Men

2009-04-13T00:21:00.000-07:00

You may rearrange the ranks !

10. No, you don’t look fat.

9. I don’t enjoy going to pubs and bars.

8. We’ll talk about it later.

7. You remind me of Jennifer Lopez.

6. I love your cooking.

5. I don’t think of other women.

4. You can use my razor to shave your legs.

3. I love romantic movies.

2. I love spending time with your mom.

1. I’m sorry.